Heaven Can Wait
by UnchartedDarkness
Summary: "Mudblood" the word hung in the air for a long moment... An imagining of James and Lily's lives as they move forward from "Snape's Worst Memory" and the events that followed that led them to fall for each other. Chapter 9 is up!
1. Chapter 1: Turning Point

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE_** ** _:_**

 ** _WELCOME EVERYONE! Glad you came by :)_**

 ** _This is a new story and I really hope you guys like it. Do read and let me know what you feel about it._**

 ** _As applies to this and all future chapters of this story, I just own what you don't recognise from the books the rest belongs to J.K Rowling, the genius :)_**

 ** _Thank you all for reading :) Enjoy. Please review and share your thoughts xx_**

* * *

June was always so warm and beautiful. As such it was just cruel that we had to be stuck inside the castle for nearly two weeks of lovely mornings.

I watched the sand trickle slowly on the hourglass at the front of the hall. My fingers tapped softly on my parchment causing my neighbour to shoot me an irritated look. I smiled to myself and looked around the hall. The sunlight streamed through the high windows lighting up everything in a warm yellow glow. My quill twisted between my fingers unconsciously as I re-read what I had written.

 _Q8. Explain the rationale of approaching with a group rather than approaching individually when dealing with a Boggart._

I rolled my eyes inwardly at the O.W.L paper. A third year could have answered that!  
My finger trailed along the vane of my quill letting the barbs brush past. The Anti-cheating quills provided were always very scratchy and blunt. My mind wandered boundless. The Great Hall ceiling was a clear blue with soft white clouds. I imagined it would be perfect for flying…

Bored and longing for freedom I checked my watch once more just as Professor Flitwick's voice rang through the hall, "Five minutes left". He passed by my desk, looking suspiciously around at all the busy students. I straightened up pushing my lop-sided glasses into place, set my quill on the table and pulled my parchment straight. Scanning across the hall my eyes then caught the sun playing in the auburn hair of one Lily Evans.

I'd spent many of my waking moments trying to vex her since I first met her on the Hogwarts Express. In turn Evans spent an equal amount of time wishing I'd vanish in a puff of smoke. It was an easy job getting young Ms. Evans' knickers in a twist. One would argue that we were getting too old for such antics but there is something so entertaining about chasing after a girl who constantly resents you that even the prospect of it made me smile.

I decided right then to talk to her after the exam before she left the hall. Maybe ask her to "study" together for Transfiguration, possibly the only subject I could beat her at. That'll get her ranting for a bit! I laughed quietly at the thought.

Oh how I wished Quidditch was a subject! With that longing I yawned involuntarily, ran my hand though my hair and stretched a bit pulling my arms behind my chair. I was bored enough to contemplate if drawing a sad face on my paper would disqualify me. With a quick glance at Flitwick I turned in my seat. As usual Sirius was finished with his writing. He artfully balanced his chair on its hind legs and lounged on it, gently rocking back and forth. I grinned as I realised he was staging himself for Sophia Reese who had been on his " _Must Date Before Leaving School_ " list for the past two years. Sadly she was busy scratching parts of her essay off while she reread the final work. He responded with a thumbs up when I gave him a questioning glance. Apparently he still thought he had a shot. He never learns. Behind Sirius, Remus was hard at work bent over his parchment.

Falling back into boredom I returned to my parchment sitting in front of me wondering how slow time moved. Carefully, I ripped a piece of blank parchment from a spare sheet and picked up my quill. My hand seemed to draw of its own accord, tracing ink into seemingly fluttering wings. As I shaded ink into the round centre of it the Snitch appeared metallic and more realistic. Once I could not further improve its look, my hand moved to the corner. The ink traced thick into the groove as my quill scratched into the parchment and the two letters stood out vividly against its pale background.  
L. E ...

"Time's up! Quills down please!" Flitwick's voice called. "Please remain in your seats until all the parchment papers are collected. Accio!"

My answer script along with everyone else's zoomed off the desk over to Flitwick's outstretched arms knocking him to the floor instantly.

"Oh dear!" We heard him say as everyone broke into laughter.

"Yes, you may leave the hall now!"  
I hastily scratched out the letters on the scrap of parchment and stood up, rolled up exam paper and shoved it into my bag waiting for Sirius to join me.

"You know, I wish they'd make it a challenge sometimes," Sirius said as he reached me waving his exam paper.

I chuckled at his feigned disappointment and followed Remus and Peter out of the hall.

Sirius clapped a hand on Remus' back as we reached the entrance hall, "How did you do, Moony? Did you enjoy question ten?"

"Excellent," said Remus, " _Give five signs that identify the werewolf_. Absolutely brilliant!"

"Sure you managed to get all five?" I asked pretending to be concerned.

"Oh, I think I did alright," he replied scratching his chin thoughtfully as we stepped out into the grounds. "One: He's in my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin."

Sirius chuckled. "You forgot four: He's probably writing on my parchment!"

Peter however didn't seem to find it funny. His brow was furrowed as he looked down at his paper.

"'S'matter, Wormtail?" Sirius asked picking up on it too.

"I got the elevated snout, the crenated pupils and the tufted tail but I forgot-"

"Oh for Merlin's sake how daft can you be Wormtail!" I asked exasperated, making a few girls look at me alarmed. "We just revised this last night! Besides you hang around with a werewolf every month!"

"Shh… keep it down!" said Remus anxiously.

We made our way down to our usual place under the beech tree. I suddenly realised then that my previous plans of encountering Evans had escaped me unnoticed and I looked around hoping to find her.

 _Damn_ , she was with her little group of idealists over at the edge of the lake. I continued to watch them as they splashed water playfully at each other, some wading a little into the water which rippled against the wind causing them to hoist their skirts up a little. I smiled to myself as I pulled off my tie and unbuttoned my top shirt button. It was hot as hell as we sat down under the shade of the tree and I longed for a nice pitcher of ice cold pumpkin juice.

I dropped my bag on the grass and pulled out the Golden Snitch from my pocket. I liked the feeling of the wings fluttering strongly against my fist. It seemed to give me an illusion of enormous power, like a giant holding a tiny little person. My mouth twitched to a smile at the idea and I let the Snitch go for a brief second before grabbing it back.

"Hagrid's going to notice if you keep breaking into the Quidditch chests every other week," remarked Sirius.  
I simply smiled and released the Snitch again catching it back when it attempted to escape.

Remus had already settled himself into a revision cycle whereas Sirius seemed glad to have an excuse to do nothing. After a few minutes of me watching the girls scream loudly and splash water at each other, Sirius sulking about as Remus tried to coax him into learning something and Peter just watching the Snitch as if it was a large piece of candy that eluded him-

"Give it a rest will you? Wormtail is drooling all over you!" Sirius said loudly.

I smiled at his irritation and pocketed the Snitch hoping Peter wasn't stung too much by the blunt words.

"I'm bored," Sirius voiced the obvious. So was I, but not for long…

 _Snivellus..._

* * *

There comes a day in every person's life when something they did without consequence for so long suddenly results in an unpredictable and often unpleasant response. In this case taunting Severus, an art the four of us had come to perfect, hurt someone I cared about.  
The most ironic part of the story being that I didn't know I cared enough until the damage was well under its way.

"Evans!" I called after her as she strode quickly back to the castle. "Evans!" She didn't even pause to look back.

"Red-heads and their temper," I turned back to the group that had gathered around me. Some of them laughed and nodded agreeing with me. But I couldn't bring myself to laugh along as I saw in the distance Lily Evan's hand disappear in front of her face unmistakeably to wipe at her face. Suddenly the pain on the side of my face where Snape's curse cut across my cheek seemed less important.

My anger outweighed my guilt at that point and I was sure even if Lily had stayed back there was little that could have done to stop me from doing what I did next.  
"Right then," I said loudly to the group, regaining the firm grip on my wand, "Who wants to see me charm Snivelly's bottoms off? Literally, of course!" There was a roar of laughter and cheering from the circle that had gathered beneath Snape suspended upside down in mid-air.

"Mr Potter?"  
The laughter ceased immediately and I groaned internally before turning to face the voice I knew too well.

"Professor…?" I winced.  
Her eyes flashed angrily behind her square glasses. She'd drawn herself up to her full formidable height as she surveyed us all with repugnance. I always pictured a hawk when I spoke to Professor McGonagall.  
Her accusing glare lingered for a moment on Remus who I noticed had not moved from his spot between the roots surrounded by his books. Out of respect, Remus stood up slowly and stood still with his head bent low.

"If it were for you to behave as though you're not a prefect, Mr Lupin, I would think it best you weren't one."  
Remus stayed silent with his head bent low. It was an inherent quality he had, he never argued but simply took all that was thrown at him. I never quite understood that part about him.

"It wasn't his fault, Professor!" Sirius and I said, almost together. Her glare flicked towards us.

"I would imagine so," she paused and then let her eyes wander over the remainder of the group, "If the rest of you were born with inkling of self-preservation, all of you will disperse. Immediately."

Loyal to their own skins, the gathered crowd scattered with a blink of an eye.

"Would you kindly release Mr Snape?"

"Certainly, Professor" I turned my wand tip down and Snape came crashing onto the floor again, lying there on the ground in a heap.

"Mr Snape, if you have suffered no injuries you may go. Mr Lupin, would you kindly escort Mr Pettigrew and Mr Black back to the castle and make sure they both indulge in _diligent_ study for tomorrow's exam. Mr Potter, let's take a walk…"

* * *

I dragged my feet slowly to the Gryffindor tower. It was late and the corridors were deserted. I was tired after the long hours of cleaning in the kitchen. If you thought the prospect of a looming OWL exam the next morning would get me out of detention, you've obviously never met Professor McGonagall.  
The last studious girls were leaving the library with tired puffy eyes to get a good night's sleep before the exam tomorrow. At long last I reached the seventh floor and headed towards the tower. Suddenly I heard distant voices arguing quietly about something and stopped in my tracks hiding behind a pillar. I recognised the voice that spoke next.

"Why?" she asked, her voice full of hurt and humiliation.

"Why am I any different from the rest of them Severus? All the people you hate so much, why am I different?"

I peeked around the pillar. Severus Snape stood at the entrance to the tower stooped low under Lily Evans' imploring gaze, his tongue tied stubbornly on the words he wanted to say.

As the silence stretched on, Lily's eyes narrowed in contempt and she turned her back on him.  
"I cannot be your friend anymore," she said in a broken whisper. Lily pulled up the hem of her dressing gown and disappeared behind the portrait hole.

As the empty portrait closed shut, the halls reverberated with the sound. I watched as Snape slowly let his hand rest on the empty painting that barred him from what lay beyond. With his head hung low his frame seemed to tremble slightly for a long moment. On any other day I would've unquestioningly grasped the opportunity to hex him, simply because I could, but at that moment I couldn't bring myself to do so.

For a long while Severus stood in the dimly lit hallway staring at the empty painting. Then all of a sudden he pulled himself up to his full height, blew his nose on a rather dirty handkerchief and then looked around for a moment as though he was trying to get his bearings. His abrupt behaviour surprised me but I remained still and his eyes missed my presence in the shadows.  
Snape walked off in the direction of the stairways and I stepped quietly out of the darkness.

As I walked toward the portrait of the Fat Lady, I wondered about the odd feeling I had: a strange mixture of relief and empathy.

 _Was it possible I felt remorse for my earlier actions?_

 _No. It couldn't possibly be. It wasn't my fault!_ He _said it._ He _deserved it._

 _Yes… definitely NOT my fault._

"Late again, Potter?" I jumped at the voice and suddenly looked up suddenly to find the Fat Lady back in her place in the portrait looking amused.

I shook my head and composed myself.  
"Umm… Sorry?" I offered hesitantly. "Bluebird"

She simply rolled her eyes, "I'd say 'Don't make a habit of it' but -" she sighed "In you go."  
The portrait swung forwards and I climbed in with a quick 'Goodnight'.

The common room was warm and welcoming, as I always liked it. The lamps were put out and the only light came from the fire, crackling casting a dim light over the arm chairs around it. The room seemed empty. I was glad for that fact for I didn't want to be questioned about detention. Since I hadn't gotten the time to revise for tomorrow's exam I could only hope that at least being well rested would help.

I started to unbutton my shirt as I headed for the dormitory stairs.

"Did you hear us just now?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. Apparently I missed someone in the room. Slowly turning around I saw her sitting on the steps leading up to the girl's dormitories.

Emotional crying girls always scared me. I had no idea what to say or do when they started crying and I always ended up just standing there staring at their blotched reddened faces, and judging by the nasal voice and slightly reddened eyes, Lily Evans was definitely crying.

"Umm…" I started in a small voice and then I sighed and decided to go with the truth, "Yes, I heard."

She gave a stiff nod looking into the fire. I felt something I couldn't explain as I watched her. I knew I was responsible in some way but I couldn't find the right words to apologise properly for it. She would definitely hate me no matter what I said so I decided to go with the standard.

"I…" Although I knew her reaction wouldn't be good, I found myself naively hoping that she might overlook it, even forgive me. She merely continued to stare at the fire, its light glistening on the tear tracks upon her face.

"I'm sorry it happened, I never intended for you to lose a friend. I'm sorry…" I said almost in one breath and turned my eyes to the fire too.

She sighed and stood up and then made her way over to the couch in front of the fire. Lily wiped her cheek with the back of her hand silently and picked up a book she'd left there placing it on her lap. I was sure that her silence was probably the best reply I deserved but then she spoke again against all odds.

"I want to blame you Potter, I do… but maybe for the first time, it's not your fault."

I could not believe the words she spoke. Any other person in her position would have jumped at the chance to blame me, but she didn't. _Why?_

My perplexity and curiosity kept me rooted there. Finally realising I wasn't going to get any more answers and that it was probably best to leave,  
"I'm still sorry," I said quietly turning again towards the staircase.

"Do you want to stay?"

I turned back stunned to find her looking over her shoulder at me.  
"Stay?" I voiced the word cautiously, trying to make out the expression upon the dark silhouette against the burning fire.

"Yeah, you've been in detention, haven't you? You haven't had time to revise for tomorrow," she tapped the book on her lap softly and her eyebrow arched questioningly.

My face was probably a transparent veil of the confusion I felt. Never in the five years we'd spent in the same common room had Lily Evans ever suggested us spending any amount of time together. Now she wanted us to _study_ together?

I scratched my head trying to understand this, "Let me get this right, you want me to stay and study with you?" I asked sure that there was some sort of mistake.

"Well yes," she replied as if it was obvious what she was saying. "I can't sleep so I'm probably going to be up the whole night and what better way to revise Transfiguration than with the one person who seems to know more about it," she said with a slight patronizing air to it.

"You're never going to let that one go are you?" I asked rolling my eyes at her.

"Not if I can help it," she admitted with the slightest smile hidden in the corner of her mouth.

The fire, occasionally poked, still burned warm and bright. Books lay scattered across the carpet along with bound piles of parchment notes. Half-eaten mint chocolates and cookies were littered all around us.

I sat on the carpet with my back against the couch, one of my legs stretched out, with a copy of _Freidhausen's Principles of Transfiguration_ open on my other knee.  
We had gone through nearly all of the O.W.L past question papers and finished most of the theory. Ordinarily I would have decided to sleep three hours ago, but Lily Evans was not content. She was never content.

However, I was surprised by how easily we both could get along when we were discussing a common interest. Unknown to me Lily apparently had a strong liking for Transfiguration. I had always assumed she favoured Charms since she seemed to have a natural talent for it.

Lily lay on the couch just above the level of my head with her legs hanging over the armrest and a book open over her face. My eyes closed sleepily for about the fifteenth time.  
I didn't know I could feel this tired.

 _… helping the transfer of vapours to solids by bypassing the liquid stage._

I had read the same line several times already. Slowly massaging the muscles between my shoulder blades I extended my neck, feeling its soreness. With the rest of the castle sound asleep all I could hear was the crackling of the fire. I checked my watch. It was half past four in the morning.

"Lily?"

"Mmheh?" Came the sleepy reply from beneath her book.

"Know what I'm thinking?" I asked closing my own book and setting it aside.

"Surprise me!" the muffled sound said.

"How this is definitely not the way to stay up through the night,"

"Please tell me you're not thinking of getting pissed right now!" even though the book her judgmental bossy tone was hard to miss.

Having successfully annoyed her I laughed heartily, "Come on, break's over. Rise and shine!"

She groaned and finally got up swinging her legs over the arm rest.  
"OW!" Her feet collided painfully with the back of my head.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so so sorry! Are you alright?" She sat up fast and held my head where she hit me. To be honest, it didn't hurt that badly but I felt like milking it just the same.

"No I'm not alright! You just kicked me in the head!" I got up accusing her with a glare.

Lily's anxious expression changed to scepticism in a second. I couldn't fool her. She folded her arms across her chest, pursed her lips with her suspicious eyebrow arched high.

"What? It _did_ hurt!" I said defensively.

"Well at least you're awake now!" she laughed going around me to collect some of the scattered notes. I narrowed my eyes at her but couldn't stop myself from smiling.  
She clutched my elbow as she stooped low to retrieve her books. I reasoned it was possibly to stop herself from losing her balance. It had to be…  
My free hand ran though my hair unconsciously. She didn't see it and that was probably a good thing, it always seemed to annoy her.

"Where were we?" She asked sitting down on the floor and pushing her hair back.

"Drinking?" I offered. She laughed again easily.  
I sat down again a few inches away from her. We'd never really been physically this close aside from when we were paired off at potions.

"Alright, next question," she read picking up where we had left off, " _'Why would transfiguring pure water to wood not only be impractical but also impossible? Explain your answer.'_ Hmm…" she thought for a moment. Her brow furrowed as she stared into the fire. Her eyes reflected its glow, somehow masking the vivid green in warm golden. She searched her mind, her eyes wide as she tried to remember. I was almost lost in her transfixed image when she suddenly spoke.

"Oh! Because water and wood are both of same, non-metal, category and as such transforming them into each other requires three times more energy than conjuring the individual components separately?" She said in one breath and turned to me.

I really did want to nod my head and say _'Brilliant!'_ but, instead I gave half a nod which probably looked like I was paralysed on my left side, "Impractical yes, but read carefully, the question asks why it's _impossible_."

Her scepticism suddenly turned into interest. I would have never bet that Lily Evans was open to discussing her mistakes, especially academic ones. I'd always thought of her as a tad self-righteous and dignified. Turned out I was wrong about a lot of things when it came to her.

"You're right, of course!" she exclaimed reading the question again. Her eyes then crunched up as she thought hard. After a long moment she sighed.  
"I don't… understand," she said honestly looking down at the paper. I could sense she was disappointed in herself and I knew I had to be sensitive helping her with the answer.

"It's alright, it's a difficult one. You see it's a trick question," she turned to me again with that same spark of interest. I smiled as I continued, "We know that water can be transformed into almost anything with the expansion and restructuring of its impurities right? They just put in the word 'pure' to make it complicated. Pure water means that the water had no impurities and could not thus be transformed, which makes it the fourth exception to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration…" I finished.

She smiled nodding in agreement taking a second look at the question, "Water in its molecular form, distilled and untainted, can only be augmented, lessened, vanished or conjured but never transformed," she recited the law to herself just loud enough for me to hear.

"Precisely!"

"I would've never thought of that! That was… impressive, James." she smiled at me. I didn't miss that she called me by my first name. I smiled back.

"No, it wasn't me." I knew that generally people are more likeable if they were modest, thought I might as well give it a go, "My dad had to teach me that one. I didn't get it either," I confessed.

"Really? Now who would've thought you were the kind of boy who did O.W.L past questions?"  
She said with a hint of sarcasm.

I made a face at her, she laughed. For the first time I felt something unusual. I _wanted_ to hear her laugh. I'd never had that feeling before and I was left wondering what it meant…

* * *

It was just the same as yesterday. The sun streamed into the room through the high windows. Beams of morning light threw patches of the Great Hall into spotlight. Soft white clouds floated around in the enchanted ceiling.  
Quills scratched, papers ruffled. Time flowed slowly.

I finished the paper in good time. It was my favourite subject. Since childhood I had avidly read everything I could find about Transfiguration. All I had to do was to make sure not to get carried away with my answers and lose track of time. Once I finished, just like yesterday my mind wondered.

I wondered about last night. Had things changed between Lily Evans and I? Were we suddenly at the turning point to a new kind of relationship?  
After last night, when we managed to spend hours in each other's company, discussing, talking, laughing, making jokes… Could we possibly have unknowingly stumbled upon a friendship? Of course now we knew for sure, we could tolerate one another, even be more than civil.

As I watched her a few seats in front of me she turned her parchment over and continued to write. She did not once look up. Most of the questions were fairly straight forward and nearly all of them were from topics we discussed. I wondered how she was faring. I couldn't help but hope that last night's revision helped in her favour.

In the middle of a life-altering examination, my mind was ablaze thinking about a girl that I may or may not be friends with in the near future! I hit my forehead with the heel of my hand.

What was wrong with me? I had to stay focused!

"Five minutes left. Organize your papers now, please"

I tricked my mind to wander far from the girl before me. My fingertips fiddled with my quill as the seconds ticked past wondering if brooms would fly better if they had feathers instead of twigs. They were definitely streamlined and literally made to fly. What would they be named…?

"Time's up, Please put your quills down" Professor Slughorn collected the papers with a wave of his wand and we were allowed to leave the hall. I got up instantly watching Evans as she collected all her belongings into a neat pile before stowing it in her bag.

"Oi!" a hand clapped on my back and I turned to find Sirius standing behind me, "Hope you don't mind but I thought I'd sneak over to the kitchens early, I'm starving!" he said in a quiet voice before hurrying off. I nodded and told him I'd catch up.

Peter waved at me and followed Sirius towards the kitchens.

"Something on your mind?" Remus approached tugging gently at the strap of his bag.  
"Nah, just wanted to talk to Slughorn about Potions," I brushed off his insight.

Remus laughed, "Hah! Good luck getting exam secrets outta him! I'll see you in the common room."

"I thought we were heading out to the grounds?"

He gave a half-pitying half-exasperated look, "Yeah, because that worked out extremely well yesterday?"

I was suddenly and unpleasantly reminded of yesterday's events, events that led to Lily and Snape ending their friendship, events that led to the unstable ground that Lily and I now treaded upon...  
When I looked up from my thoughts Remus was gone.

I turned back to Lily. She stood beside her desk clutching her bag to her chest with her arms folded across it. A foot apart from her stood Severus Snape. My eyes narrowed as I watched them from a distance. They seemed to be arguing discreetly about something, I couldn't be sure what. Snape looked away from her as he spoke, as if she was invisible. Lily's lip visibly trembled but she faced him defiantly. I merely stood my ground and watched the rapid exchange of words, knowing that it wasn't my place to interfere. At the end of it Snape handed something over to her in a tight fist. Lily looked at it for second upon her palm and then pocketed it.

Without so much as a last glance Snape turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Lily Evans swaying on her unsteady feet. She shouldered her bag with a sombre expression and brushed her hair back, turning to leave the hall along with the last remaining students. When she looked up and saw me watching her, her eyes glanced over to Snape who was making his way over to his blood-thirsty Slytherin friends.  
It was no secret what they did when they weren't cooped up in the Dark Arts section of the library, just that no one had caught them in the act.

"What was that about?" I asked casually as Lily reached where I stood waiting.

"Nothing," she replied with a somewhat forced smile, "Severus was just returning some of my things," her hand waved carelessly in his direction. Her tone seemed to suggest it had upset her more than she cared to let on.

"Oh… Ok," I let the matter drop and fell into stride with her as we both headed out of the Great Hall.

Many students still lingered in the Entrance Hall loudly discussing their varied answers to the paper. We had to squeeze between several of them to head for the staircases.

"How was the paper?" I asked her over the babble eager to change the subject since I knew she was irritated. By now I could fairly accurately recognise when Lily Evans was nearing her boiling point, having been the cause of it on many occasions.

"Fine," was all she said in reply as she continued to push through the crowd.

"Question five was a good one huh? The evolution of Theory of the Matter versus-"

"What do you want?" She stopped in her tracks at the foot of the marble staircase and turned to face me.

I skidded to a sudden halt in front of her.  
"I'm sorry?" I asked, caught off guard.

"Why are you following me Potter? What do you want?" she asked plainly with her brow furrowed.

I felt the sudden sting of unwanted company. Instantly I felt the heat rise behind my ears. I cleared my throat. "Umm, what do you mean? I thought we-"

" _We_?" her eyes widened at the word as if it was offensive. Several passer-bys looked at us oddly before going about their way.  
"Potter, hope you understand that yesterday night, it doesn't change anything between us! We're not friends, we can't be! I've lost someone dear to me and most of that is your fault!"

I'm fairly certain my jaw might have dropped open at that point.  
"Wait, I don't understand. Yesterday you told me it _wasn't_ my fault and now you're saying it _is_?"  
I could feel my own anger rise slowly at the irrationality and humiliation.

She gave an impatient sigh, "I'm saying he wouldn't be the person he is if it weren't for you!" Her fingertip pressed slightly against my chest as she accused me.  
"If you had stopped for ten seconds and thought about how you humiliate other people just for your own entertainment, and physically and emotionally torment them just for a pathetic laugh, then you would have noticed that people don't greet you and adore you out of respect, they do it out of humiliation and fear. The only difference was that Severus never gave in. You're so blinded by your so called talents and your bravado and that stupid _'I'm a Gryffindor! I'm better than everyone else'_ attitude that you can't see he is MUCH braver than you ever were Potter!"

Lily paused as she realised her voice had risen attracting a fair few on-lookers. She was nearly shaking. I could see the tears beginning to well up in her eyes as she looked at me. Those gleaming emerald eyes pierced me before she spoke again.

"If you didn't exist, he'd still be my friend."

* * *

 _ **That's Chapter one guys! Please let me know what you think in the comments!**_

 _ **~Dark/Pen2Paper**_


	2. Chapter 2: Reflections

_**Chapter Two: Reflections**_

 _ **Lily**_

Every Summer, time would fly by so fast that the return to school often caught me off-guard.

I would repaint my room a new colour. Then I'd write several long letters to dorm mates, Quinn Dalton, Caitlyn Sommers, Mary McDonald, and Edith Banks and an extra-long one to my mentor, occasional big sister and my only other best friend, Alice Fairwick.

Afterwards, each summer I'd spend nearly all of my time down by the park, in the shade where the two willow trees embraced each other.  
Its leaves formed a trellis that filtered the sunlight into small patches of gold while we would sit in the cool shade reading though magic well beyond our years, sometimes even beyond our understanding. That place was our own little keep.  
He would sit by me for hours and together we'd learn something new every day. Time flowed when I was with him. I envied the dusk that always came too early to steal him away from me.

Severus was always ambitious. He had been so since the first day I had met him. His passion and curiosity was so contagious that I too began to have the same craving for knowledge, things I didn't know. It was something I shared with him and him alone. I adored his love for magic. To be truly honest, it wouldn't be wrong to say that at some point I may have even idolised him. Severus was truly his own person. In a world that bent so easily to the ideals of others, Severus strived to be unique, resilient to what people may think of him.

I admired that nature he had. Nothing, _nothing_ , could bring him down.

But that was then. Things changed quickly in our third year. He began to befriend the wrong sort of people; Evan Rosier, Mulciber and the lot. People who were similarly opinionated and different from the rest, but unlike him, underneath their avid thirst for knowledge they lusted for control over things no one should have control upon. It worried me that Severus could not see the difference between him and the people he befriended. He insisted that they were like brothers to him and what they strived for would one day bring salvation to all like him.

I could never understand how he defended their actions when Potter's crew and their antics paled in comparison. Severus seemed to turn a blind eye and I could feel us pull further and further. As hard as I tried to hold on, they stole Severus away from me piece by piece and there was nothing I could do to stop it.  
It was a long time before he realised this and when he did. A few weeks before our OWL exams began he confronted me about us...

He found me heading back to Gryffindor tower one evening, already tired and not in the mood for a chat.

"Lily, come on... I know you have a few minutes to talk?"

I turned sharply to face him in the empty corridor as the rest of the students headed down for lunch. My eyes studied him as he tried to put a small smile upon his face hiding the rest safely behind a mask he'd recently adopted.

"Please?" He said in a soft voice.

"I have a few minutes," I said shortly.

"Good," his smile stretched as he walked up to me happily, "Cos I've been waiting to tell you about this new spell-"

"Let's start with why you weren't in Transfiguration, shall we?"

Severus' expression instantly turned sour and he looked at me as if I was purposely trying to pick a fight.

"Lily, please, I don't want to argue. We haven't really talked in a while and I… I…" he struggled and I felt myself scowl as I waited wondering why suddenly he could not admit it anymore. His eyes shifted around before he whispered, "I missed you".

I disregarded his pleading.  
"And whose fault is that? Where were you, Sev? And don't you dare lie to me!" I warned him.

"Research," he said flatly after a moment.

I sighed impatiently. "Sure," I said through my clenched teeth. Clutching my bag I turned to leave.

"Lily, what is this? Why are you so against me spending time with anyone other than you?"

"Arrgh!" the frustration just escaped me as I wheeled around to face him, "I cannot believe this! Someone other than me? Severus, I don't care who you spend your time with. I just can't watch you waste your life with THEM!"

"My friends-"

"They're the malicious pests in this _entire_ school!" I spat at him, "You could not have picked worse. They don't care about you, Sev! How can you not see that? They only care that you can show them how to do what they need to. _They're using you_."

Seveus said nothing as he avoided my gaze.

"You don't believe me? Fine. It's your life. It's about time you make choices for yourself!" I looked away and picked up the books I'd dropped on the floor earlier.

"What's that supposed mean?" he asked with a hint of urgency in his voice.

I paused, standing in the deserted hallway a few feet apart from my closest friend, which somehow felt like a thousand miles between us. My eyes closed accepting that I couldn't continue being like this. I had to say it.  
I had to save him, even if it meant I had to guilt him into it.

"It means I'm done fighting this battle for you, Sev. I'm done pulling you back every time you get too blinded to see where you're heading. _I'm tired_." I paused watching him. Severus looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time. It was a deep thoughtful calculating look that unnerved me. However I continued, "You are free to make your own choices, Sev. But you can't have both, it's either them or me. I will not watch you become one of them... I can't. If you insist on being their friend, then you lose me."

I turned to leave pausing to look over my shoulder just so I could just see him out of the corner of my eye. "Forever," I added and began to walk away from him as the possibility that he would still choose them began to choke me.

I had barely taken three steps before his voice called out to me, tragic and painful.  
"Wait…"

I couldn't help myself. I came to a standstill and slowly turned around. He was inches from me stealing my breath in shock. I stepped back involuntarily. His eyes bore into mine for a short second and closed, his lips trembled seamlessly over an incoherent word before his eyes reopened and I was swallowed by its black abyss...

 _I could hear Sev's laughter in my head…_

It was third year, we were best friends. There had been no problems, no evil Slytherins poisoning Sev's mind. The scene was watery but I remembered it well. Sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast one day just before Transfiguration. Potter had tried to catapult grapes into a girl's partially open blouse with a large silver spoon. The first two admirably went straight into her cleavage as she talked animatedly with her friend blissfully unaware but the third, by a miscalculated degree, released with excessive force and shot straight up his own nose. Severus and I both doubled up with laughter sitting over at the Slytherin table that day.

 _The scene began to haze and then dissolved before reforming again…_

 _We were sitting by the willow trees as usual in the park midway between our homes._

 _"Your boyfriend could do with a bath!" Tuney spat at me as she held my red diary victim in her hand._

 _"Shut up! And give it back!" I yelled at her._

 _"I'm just curious as to what secrets you're hiding," Tuney grazed the spine of my diary with a bony finger and a malicious grin._

 _"She said give it back!" Severus thundered more loudly standing up. Rattled, Tuney dropped the diary onto the floor as her eyes shifted to his hand clenched over his wand in his pocket. While she was distracted I quickly leaped forward and scooped up the book._

 _"You wouldn't dare!" she said in clearly terrified but defiant voice._

 _"You should start running," Severus smiled maliciously. I knew to call his bluff so I sat content watching. Tuney looked at me incredulously before scarpering down the dirt road falling a few times._

 _"I'm telling mum!" she screamed at me when she was safely out of range but continued to run._

 _The watery glaze returned reforming the image…_

 _I was passing by a deserted hallway on my way to the library, maybe in my third or fourth year._

"Why don't you just play with your chemistry set and leave the rest of us be?" Black smirked at Severus, "It's bad enough we need to breathe the same air as you! Then you go and follow us so you can tattle to the teachers and become their little pet! Revolting irksome little pest!"  
Potter, Lupin, Pettigrew and Black circled around him while he was held bound by thick ropes from his neck to his toes. Severus was shaking with anger, his face livid.

 _"DIMITTOS!" I directed my wand at Severus and instantly he was released from the binds as I marched furiously towards the group._

 _"What the HELL do you think you're doing?"_

 _"Oh great! Here she come!" Sirius said without even turning to look at me. I was fuming. My glare turned to Remus who I generally thought had some self-control. Apparently I was wrong._

 _Potter turned to me with his usual half-guilty-at-being-caught-but-still-pretty-cocky grin as Severus picked himself up off the ground slowly rubbing his wrists where the ropes had cut into his flesh._

 _"You're such a spoilsport, Lily" he shook his head._

 _"And you're a heartless bully!" I shoved him aside forcefully and pulled Severus away with me._

 _"He's not worth your time, Evans!"  
We both cursed at Potter under our breath as we rounded the corner. Severus pulled his arms free from me and walked faster. I tried to keep up._

 _"Sev!"_

 _"Lily," he spun around sharply and I nearly skidded on the polished marble before coming to a standstill in front of him, "I didn't need saving...Not from you"_

 _"I... I was just trying to help!"_

 _"Well you didn't! All it was, was showing off for Potter!"_

 _Stung I recoiled from him._

" _Mulciber is right!" Severus spat scathingly, "They'll only respond to their own medicine." He turned away and left without another word leaving me standing there hurt and fighting tears.  
***_

 _***  
We were on the train. Me, Severus, Remus Lupin, Adrian Flint and Abbey Morgan. Severus and I were friends again. The arguments forgotten over a long summer together with no one to interfere.  
I hugged Severus when I saw the gleaming silver badge on his chest that said 'Prefect' on it. His blush was contrastingly memorable on his usually pale face. _

_***  
It was past noon. The sun warm and bright shone over the school courtyard as we walked across it after lunch. I was arguing with him because of something I'd heard about what that horrible Mulciber had done to Mary. He countered saying Potter and his friends weren't saints either. I was surprised that he could not only tolerate but defend the evilness of his friends. _

_Potter's antics were nothing compared to his so called 'friends'. But Potter had recently made a mess of things and I wasn't too forgiving._

 _***  
We'd won the Quidditch match against Slytherin last year, I was cheering with the rest of the team. Remus had his arm around me and we were both singing a victory song the Gryffindors themselves had invented. I'd met Severus later that day. He didn't want to talk me… as an explanation he offered that I'd become a turncoat! Becoming just like the rest of them! All because I'd supported my friends and my house…  
We didn't speak for a week.  
***_

 _I was crying myself to sleep. Another day. Another fight._

 _***  
Potter was driving me insane at Potions pretending to forget every instruction as we were paired together. He used me as entertainment whenever he was bored. But I remember looking at his satisfied smirk and thinking, 'At least he doesn't actually hurt people…' My mind kept racing to horrid pictures of death eater illustrations in the Prophet earlier that day. I wished I could find a way to snatch Severus back the same way those horrible Slytherins snatched him away from me. _

My knees began to shake and I knew that Severus was pulling my thoughts to him more forcefully. I couldn't break the trance he had me in. I didn't know how to break a connection with a Legilimens. I was defenceless…

 _***  
It was late night. The library was almost empty. Potter sat at a table organising the books left behind by the students while I sat on a stool overlooking his detention. He made small talk and when I didn't respond he began to comically imitate me in a high-pitched lofty voice giving replies to his own comments. _

_"So, Lily I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime? Say Three Broomsticks next Saturday at seven?"_

 _"Potter, just go jump out of the Astronomy tower if you please!" He replied with his imitation of me._

 _I laughed involuntarily. He turned abruptly to me, not expecting it. Regretting giving incentive for him to continue, I looked away…_

 _I was in the stands with Quinn and Edith on either side of me watching the Quidditch game against Ravenclaw. They were a good team but I knew we could beat them. Sirius took a loop around the pitch whizzing past us. Quinn gave a roaring cheer and I rolled my eyes. James streaked past next with the Quaffle tucked under his arm. He was swarmed though, with all three Ravenclaw chasers on his tail. Sirius's intevening managed to shove away one of them. James was six feet from the goal post, he had to shoot now! He abruptly turned his broom up and climbed fast leaving two confused Ravenclaws behind him wondering where he'd gone. By the time they had figured it out James had zoomed back in behind them and scored! I immediately jumped to my feet and cheered at the impressive goal! Edith and Quinn looked at me sheepishly as I blushed and sat back down._

 _"Mr Potter, since you so compassionately decided to sleep during my last lesson would you please join Ms Evans on the front bench?" Professor McGonagall scowled as James shuffled his way to the back of the class._

 _With a heavy sigh Potter slumped into the empty seat next to mine. I groaned internally. Something about him really got on my nerves and with OWLs so close I didn't want to lose my concentration in class. Revision classes were especially important._

 _We were each handed a small box with a white mouse in it. While I proceeded to turn mine into a fluffy pin cushion in under five minutes, when I turned I found James Potter snoozing with his head balanced on his elbow while his mouse fed on pieces of a cracker he'd provided. I stared at him disbelievingly at how someone could feel so relaxed with exams just around the corner.  
His eyes opened again and he stared back at me with a vacant stupor, "You look pretty!" _

_I arched my eyebrow wondering what on earth he'd had for breakfast.  
"You should put your mouse back in the box at least," I commented. _

_"What!?" James sat up so fast his mouse scurried over to my table in fright._

 _He looked down at his pants and double-checked his zipper at which point I realised he'd taken the wrong meaning of my words but decided the expression on his face was worth not correcting him. I laughed hysterically as his face turned bright red._

 _"Very funny, Evans! Hilarious!"_

 _"You have no idea!"_

 _Three weeks later, same classroom, a different day. OWLs to follow in a week…_

 _Having finished my tasks before the time permitted, my eyes wondered. Suddenly from the benches in front of me James Potter turned over his shoulder to check the wall clock behind me. Our eyes met… he smiled. A very different, almost genuine smile for a change. And for some reason, I smiled back._

 _Even Potter himself seemed to find it odd, but his smile stretched in pleasant surprise and his eyebrow arched upwards questioningly. He looked at the perfect tea cup and saucer sitting on my desk in front of me, matching patterns and all, and gave me a thumbs-up. I smiled wider, nodding curtly to acknowledge it.  
His ever-iridescent eyes crinkled as he beamed. I envied his pearly-whites as he grinned and I found myself unable to deny that it made him look so…_

"Urrgh!" Severus pulled away from me. I shook my head trying to find my way back to reality, staggering back as I surfaced from the memories he'd trapped me in only to find his face livid and his expression murderous. I swallowed knowing exactly what had upset him. My face flushed hot. I couldn't believe Severus would rake though my brain like that! That wasn't fair!  
What he discovered, however was far worse, but he was mistaken! I had no feelings for Potter! I DIDN'T! It wasn't true!

His black eyes were cold and haunting as they glared at me.

"Sev-"

"Shut up!" he spat at me. "Don't lie to me anymore!" he turned away from me making me recoil from him as his hatred turned for the first time on me.

I began to break apart right there in front of him, "It's not like that, Sev, please listen to me!"

He turned back to me with the same ghastly expression, " _How could you?_ " his hands stiffened into spider-like claws as if trying to strangle the air inches from my neck. " _How. Could. You?_ " his voice was a mere whisper, but I had never been more terrified of it.  
"Him? You said… You never… How _could_ you?"

"No… I swear I _never_ -"

"Enough!"

 _Mudblood._

The word ran through me like an icicle, piercing my heart and soul. Even after more than two weeks, that word in his voice made me shiver unpleasantly.

Severus had been such a big part of my life but he'd also hurt me, broken me in a way I couldn't bring myself to heal. He was gone now. The whole he left behind in my life was wide and painful, a memory that still managed to reduce me to tears.

I swallowed and picked up the brush in my shaking hand biting back my tears. The bristles of my paint brush glided over the lilac walls of my room as I tried to paint them yellow, possibly in the hope it would light up the gloomy corners of my heart.

In his absence the days moved slowly making me realise how entwined our young lives had been. We were almost inseparable since the time I found out what I was and Severus had introduced me to the wonders of the magical world before I'd even taken a step inside it. But now without him, the time that stood still was a constant reminder of what I had lost, what had become of us. All I had left now to do was to paint the long hours away.

On top of it all where Severus left me, leaving my heart sore and wounded, James Potter came into it, crushing me with guilt at the memory of the last words I said to him.  
I rarely did anything that truly hurt anyone, so I seldom had the need to apologise. But now I knew, I had hurt someone with my words. Someone who didn't deserve it although I'd led myself to believe so long enough. He had been unkind to Severus on many occasions since we started at Hogwarts, but he had tried to apologise, possibly even make amends…  
I used him and then when he trusted me to let his guard down, I became cold and mirthless. I'd hurt him…

A shiver ran down my spine as I thought of myself at my worst. How could I be so selfish? I was no better than all I accused James Potter of being. In fact, what I had done was far worse.  
It was time to apologise but I wasn't strong enough yet to face the boy I'd grown up despising, let alone apologise to him!  
Yet, even as we convince ourselves otherwise, consider the 'other option', a better course of action or finally resign and take the easy way out, unbeknown to us, fate often has other plans.

"LILY!" my sisters screech came through the open door of my room.

We both hated the holidays for the exact same reason. Each other.  
Living across the small corridor from her room, all throughout the holidays I had to endure snide remarks about my school, how my friends and I were 'freaks' with an inborn deformity and how this school was just a pretence to isolate us from the rest of humankind. Talk about sour grapes.  
It was also the reason I kept Christmas and Easter holidays very short, never exceeding more than three or four days. I only even returned because I missed my parents very much while I was away. Mum often complained of not having me around for New Year but that's the price of having a psycho jealous sister.

After a few years of trying to reconcile with her I finally gave up. Now we spent the few weeks we had to live under the same roof trying to tolerate each other.

"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO GIVE OUR ADDRESS TO YOUR FREAKY FRIENDS! COME DOWN HERE AT ONCE!" she yelled up the stairs at the top of her voice.

I groaned and dropped the paint brush onto the tray. Petunia made a huge spectacle whenever an owl came into our kitchen. All she wanted was an excuse to pick a fight. She still hadn't forgiven our parents for accepting me as a witch, something she decided was unforgivably abnormal once she'd been rejected from joining Hogwarts.

I hurried downstairs before she could set fire to the letter or something. She was waiting at the foot of the stairs with her arms crossed over her chest, her face contorted looking daggers at me.

"That's a really nice look on you Tuney, hope it sticks!" I said sarcastically as I reached her, earning a scathing look.

"What the heck is _that_?" she asked pointing her bony finger at the window sill. I rolled my eyes.

I walked over to the windowsill and beckoned the owl forward. It fluttered onto our kitchen table and held out its leg for me. I could hear Tuney hiss and scurry over to the end of the dining room.

"Don't be such a clot, Tuney! Owls come each year to our house and you still manage to have a stroke each time you see them!" I said both annoyed and angry at my sister's act and untied the letter from the owl's leg. The moment I'd set him free of the letter, it flew out the window, possibly feeling the hostility from my sister's end.

I didn't even look at her face as I walked out onto the porch and sat on the lawn chair. My fingers ripped through the envelope in a hurry already recognising the writing on the address. I pulled out a short piece of parchment and I could feel a pout on my lips as I'd expected more. Regardless I read quickly through the round minuscule handwriting.

 _My dear Lily,  
I got your letter. So sorry that the summer proves to be so difficult and I'm sorry to hear about Severus. There is much to discuss Lils and I hope you can meet me in Diagon Alley to do so. I will be coming back to London next Saturday and will be spending a few days in the Leaky Cauldron while I'm meeting a few friends. I do hope you can make it. How about Saturday for lunch?  
I've missed you so much already. Hope to see you there.  
Love and hugs, Alice._

A very predictable joyous smile spread across my face as I read. Just what I needed.

* * *

 _ **James**_

My eyes snapped open.  
I'd woken up suddenly from another intense dream. Something about falling off a speeding broom. I shook my head to dislodge the disturbing thought and looked around. The morning light came into my room through the windows playing across the ceiling.

I got up and reached blindly for my glasses on the bedside table squinting against the brightness. Once I found them and managed to push them into place the room came into clearer view.

 _Crack._

Tibbs the elf appeared next to my bed. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed just as he bowed low making his batty ears fall over his head. It was useless telling Tibbs he didn't need to courtesy, he never listened anyway.

"Your morning juice, Master Potter!" Tibbs hovered the tray over his head.

"Thank you, Tibbs," I picked up the juice and set it on the bedside table, "Please wake Sirius up if you don't mind," I said as I picked a clean navy t-shirt out of one of the drawers and pulled it over my head. Remembering a vital piece of information I suddenly turned back, "Oh and Tibbs, please try _not_ to give him a heart attack?"

"Tibbs will do his best, Master," the elf squeaked and vanished with another crack.

I picked up the juice and took two gulps.  
At the Black Manor, Mrs Black ordered elves to remain out of sight and sound as much as possible. They were also forbidden to use Elf magic within the house. It was cruel really, to take away the one thing they could use to make their lives at least a bit better. As such it made Sirius jump whenever Tibbs Apparated next to him. Even after nearly two weeks spent in the Potter Manor since he'd run away and gotten himself emancipated, he wasn't still quite used to it…

 _Crack._

"WHAT THE FU-. TIBBS!"

I choked on my juice. Still bloody hilarious.

***  
I was outside my room leaning against the baluster overlooking the foyer when Sirius wrenched open the door beside mine and stormed out swinging it shut loudly behind him.

"I swear that elf is going to kill me someday!" He was buttoning up a white shirt, his hair still dripping onto his shoulders. I was surprised he was still miffed after a shower but Sirius wasn't one to let go easily. I smiled to myself.

"What are you upto?" he asked curiously joining me at the marble banister and looking down at the vast clearing in the below where house elves scurried about readying the breakfast table.

We often found ways to entertain ourselves that sadly didn't agree well with those on the receiving end. On the particular day it was throwing grapes at a portrait of Great Uncle Bernard downstairs who, to our great amusement searched vehemently for his attacker(s) squinting through his monocle looking thoroughly annoyed. Sirius gleefully joined in borrowing some grapes from me.

"James! Sirius!" my mother's voice called up to us, "would you both come down to the kitchens? Quickly!"

I looked at Sirius questioningly. He stared blankly back at me.

"Whatever it is, I wasn't involved!" Sirius said raising his hands up in defence and dropping the grapes he was holding. I laughed at his attempts to convince me of his innocence.

"What is it, mother?" I called back.

"There are some owls over here..." came the reply.

Sirius visibly relaxed and we both made our way down the stairs.  
"I think your OWL results are here!"

Both of us froze on the steps.  
"What?"

"Already!?"

"No way!"

"It's only been two weeks!"

"I know I failed Astronomy!" Sirius said shaking his head.

I looked at him oddly, "So? It's Astronomy"

"In case you didn't notice Potter, my entire family's named after blooming stars! Astronomy is a pretty big deal for the Black family"

I laughed, "Well in case you didn't notice, you're not exactly a Black anymore! In this house where Astronomy is concerned," I slapped a hand my best friend's shoulder, "trust me, you're off the hook!"

Sirius laughed.

"You know McGonagall will feed us to the Giant Squid if we fail Transfiguration right?"

"Fail? She'll have us hanged if we get anything below an Exceeds Expectations!"

We debated on who'd done worse all the way to the kitchens where my mum sat at the large oak table, already laden with a full English breakfast. She folded the Daily Prophet she was reading when she heard us approach and turned around to face us.

"There you are!" she smiled warmly.

I returned the smile a little unsurely. This was actually the first determining exam I'd had to retell the results to my parents for, I wasn't sure how they'd take it if I didn't do well. My mind was already concocting a ridiculous scenario of me leaving school early to join Dad at his business. I looked past mum at the large owl perch that sat in the corner, by the windows of the well-lit kitchen. Sure enough, there were two handsome tawny owls sitting there with their letters.

"Breakfast?" mum pulled my attention to her again.

"Umm..." I deliberated, between my hunger and my nerves, "No, thanks. I think we'll get the gut-wrenching over with first!"

"Oh come now," she held my shoulder as I made to move past her, "We know you gave it your best effort. That is what truly matters."

I gave her a patronising smile, "So if I get all Trolls, you'll still be happy it was my best effort?" I asked, blinking innocently. Sirius snickered behind me.

Mum rolled her eyes, "You're not going to get all Trolls!" she assured.

"That's a 'No' then. Thanks Mum!" I nodded and headed to the owl perch with Sirius in tow.

"Mate, I just want you to know. If I've failed everything I'm transferring to Durmstrang!" Sirius said swallowing nervously.

"I'm right there with you!"

We untied our letters and opened them together. I pulled out the sheet of parchment hurriedly and read.

 _ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS_

 _Pass grades :  
Outstanding (O)  
Exceeds Expectations (E)  
Acceptable (A)_

 _Fail grades:  
Poor (P)  
Dreadful (D)  
Troll (T)_

 _JAMES ALEXANDER POTTER HAS ACHIEVED_

 _Charms: Outstanding  
Transfiguration: Outstanding  
Herbology: Exceeds Expectations  
Defence Against the Dark Arts: Outstanding  
Potions: Outstanding  
Astronomy: Exceeds Expectations  
History of Magic: Acceptable_

 _Ancient Runes: Outstanding  
Magical Languages: Outstanding  
Care of Magical Creatures: Exceeds Expectations  
Elemental Magic and Deciphering: Outstanding_

As I read and reread quickly I calmed. My dreams weren't dead. Yet.  
A smile spread slowly on my face and I looked up to find my mum beaming at me from afar, already having read my expression. Mums are intuitive that way I suppose.

I turned to Sirius who was scanning his paper with an unremarkable expression. When he was done he held out his paper for me wordlessly and we swapped our results. Sirius had done equally well, despite not sitting through half the revision sessions that Remus had organised for the four of us, even going as far as to score a questionable Outstanding for Astronomy. He had always been a naturally bright kid.

Mum stared at us expectantly as we looked up, "Well?" she prompted.

I shrugged and smiled, "We did alright, mum!"

"Oh! Thank Merlin!" she rushed to us and embraced both of us. "I've been so afraid, since you boys love that bloody broomstick more than anything else in the world! I was scared you'd neglected your studies-"

"Hey! I played Quidditch and I knocked down seven OWLs just fine!"

"Dad!"

Mum released me and I was swept up by a one armed hug from my father.  
"Well done Son, we've never been more proud."

He placed his hands on my shoulders pulling back looking at me intently and in his eyes I read just that.  
"Be proud of yourself for your achievements. Both of you!" he pulled me and Sirius who was beginning to awkwardly back away into a tight hug once more.

"Enjoy it now, go on!" he released us and smiled, ruffling up my already messy hair.

Dad was always a ridiculously jovial person who I could not imagine being serious about anything. He was a dreamer and yet he did all the cool things. He aced his OWLS and NEWTs, played Quidditch for Gryffindor, stole my mum off a bloke three years older than him, invented a business just out of school and quadrupled the family wealth, build a mansion that had all my mum's favourite things 'cause nothing like that was available to buy, became a board member for Hogwarts but left when I joined probably because he knew he'd be getting an earful each week from McGonagall. He wasn't just my hero growing up. Kids wanted to be just like him and I grew up always sharing him with the world. Still I felt an intense loyalty to him that I could only parallel with the love I had for my mother. They were everything to me and they were happy. That was more than enough for me.  
Sirius and I looked at each other in high spirits. I hadn't felt this good in a while.

"You know there's only one place in London we can celebrate properly right?"

"Diagon Alley it is!" I smirked.

* * *

 _ **Lily**_

We were sitting inside a small coffee shop in Diagon Alley after lunch. The street outside was still busy with people doing their daily shopping. Inside however, was mostly quiet and empty apart from a wizened couple a few tables away.

"Thank you," Alice said politely as the waiter served her a second cup of coffee. He smiled and nodded before handing me my own and leaving us. I sipped my coffee slowly. After lunch I didn't really want anything else but being a coffee addict I couldn't pass up a cup when Alice ordered hers.

"I still can't believe Severus would say something like that!" she shook her head with her brow furrowed at the centre. Alice had known Severus as long as she'd known me. She was in third year when both of us joined Hogwarts and I'd followed her around most of that year learning anything I could and she was kind enough to let me. They'd never been friends Alice and Severus, but he respected her.

"I'm sorry for the part James played in all of it. He can be a little... short-sighted at times..." she said looking at me as I put two lumps of sugar in my cup, "I know you won't hear a word of it, but he is a good kid." She insisted.

I could sense the earnestness in her voice though I avoided her eyes. She'd always been partial to James. They were family friends since they were very young. I gave her a small flickering smile.

Alice reached out and placed a hand on mine, "Lily... you're different. What's really bothering you?"  
Apart from Severus she was the only one who knew me more than I knew myself. I couldn't hide much from her.

She sighed at my silence, "I know Severus was your best friend and losing someone like that is-"

"It's not that," I finally said.

"Then what is it?"

I sighed heavily. Admitting it to myself was one thing. But saying it out loud was another.  
"What happened... Sev... It hurts horribly, sure... but right now I'm the one I can't forgive!" I turned to her and Alice looked back at me with a mixture of confusion and concern in her eyes. She was always so caring. I felt like I could tell her anything. Everything I had reflected upon since school had ended came flooding back to me.

"Alice, I have to tell you something,"

She waited patiently, squeezing my hand gently.

"It wasn't James that made him say that word, it was me." I bit down on my jaws as the memory refreshed.

"What do you mean?" she asked softly.

I retold her everything about the arguments that Severus and I had before the exams began and how he had used Legilimency against me to filter through my memories finally finding one he could use to blame me for betraying him instead of the other way around.

I looked up at her dark brown eyes that empathised with me.

"He was just so angry at me... and when I tried to defend him against James hoping I'd get a chance to talk sense into him-"

 _Mudblood._  
The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. His voice had held such powerful hatred. Something I'd never received from him.

"That's when he said it..." Alice voiced my thoughts.

I nodded sadly.

"I see," Alice said slowly, "I'm so sorry, Lils. It was _not_ your fault! I'm afraid he just was his _worst_ self that day. " She said calmly taking another sip from her cup.

"Yeah, but so was I..." I said thoughtfully staring into my cup.

"What do you mean?'

"That night, after I told Severus our friendship was over. I couldn't sleep. I was a mess, I was crying and lost and...angry. You wouldn't believe who got me through that night."

Alice waited, her face expectant.

"James Potter."

Her eyebrows travelled up her forehead in surprise. I could literally see her lips part as her jaw subtly dropped open. " _James_ _Potter_?"

I nodded. "I asked him to study with me. I can never for the love of me understand _why_! But I know that I wasn't angry at him! Because inside I knew it wasn't his fault... it just wasn't" I swallowed reliving it, "I've been thinking back these past two weeks and I couldn't come up with a single instance that I had been nice to him. Genuinely nice. I've never even been much polite to him."

Alice smiled sympathetically as my self-repugnance surfaced.

"Alice, he was _so_ nice to me, I didn't even deserve it! He actually sat through that night reading through Transfiguration notes and doing OWL past papers with me when he could have written that paper blindfolded!" The guilt I felt was threatening to overpower me.

"So that's a good thing Lil! You can both be polite to each other and just move on."

"Oh I wish. The next day after Transfiguration, Severus came up to me. He gave me this silver medallion I got him from Hogsmeade in third year. He said I should have it back because I didn't want him in my life anymore. Cheap of him, I thought. Anyway I refused to take it and he shoved it into my hand and just left. I was unnerved and upset. I was barely holding it together and then James!" I stopped.

"Oh no," Alice predicted, "What did you say to him?"

I bit down on my lip as I could feel even her pure heart judge my horrible actions.  
"I basically told him that I wished he didn't exist!"

Alice closed her eyes gravely.

"I know! I know! I'm such an awful _awful_ person!" I cried out hysterically making a waiter look at us alarmed. Alice instantly put her hand on my shoulder and soothed me. I took a deep breath and swallowed to compose myself.

"Lily..."

"I know..." I sighed and I drew another deep breath, "I have to apologise." This would be so much easier if I didn't have the conscience of what a bitch I'd been hanging in the back of my mind.

I wondered if James would respond to a letter after what I'd said to him. But I couldn't apologise in a letter! That would be gutless! I'll ask him to meet me, I thought.

My heart started beating on double speed at that. He'd surely be cursing me right now, why in the world would he agree to meet me?

"Well, I think that's very mature of you," Alice commended, "and very brave." A small smile was playing in the corner of her mouth when I turned to her.

"What?" I asked failing to grasp what had amused her.

"Well," she paused and set her cup down, "I'm just glad to be witnessing this," she smiled.

When my confusion did not clear she pointed out of the coffee shop window. My self-calming routine hit a snag and my breath hitched. Across the street, two boys walked along the pavement as thick as thieves. Laughing heartily at his best friend's joke was none other than James Potter himself.

 _Oh bugger._


	3. Chapter 3: Forgive and Forget

_**Chapter three: Forgive and Forget**_

 _ **Lily**_

 _Oh this is not good. Why did I wear this stupid salmon pink dress? It clashes horribly with my hair!_

 _Alright, that's the main thing to focus on! 'Cos clearly he's going to be wondering why you're wearing pink, not why you'd want to_ talk _after telling him the world's better off without him!_

I crossed the road nervously fidgeting with the hem of my dress and my hair and my watch and my purse…

 _Ok enough!_

I looked back over my shoulder at the coffee shop to see Alice grinning at me through the window with a double thumbs-up.

 _Urrgh! Clueless clot!_ I rolled my eyes.

The Potter-Black duo was a few feet ahead of me, both wearing matching white collared shirt and a carefree spirit. Funny how often they seemed to wear things that matched.

Suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks making an old man with a goatee bump into me painfully. He walked around me muttering something about watching where I walked. I breathed carefully, staring at the back of an unmistakable mess of black hair.

 _What in bleeding hell am I to say him?_

I swallowed collecting myself.  
This shouldn't be too hard.

 _Dammit Lily, it's an apology! You're not the Pope addressing the masses! Get a hold of yourself!_

I watched as Sirius ahead nudged James with his elbow with a significant look. James followed his gaze curiously (as did I) to find a rather balding middle-aged man crouched on the pavement a few feet ahead of them, busy tying his shoelaces. In his mouth he held the leash of his young bullmastiff. I hadn't seen many dogs in Diagon Alley before and wondered if the man was lost.

"Mr Potter, wouldn't you call that a big mistake?" Sirius asked his mate with a wide grin.

"I concur Mr Black, that's really not smart!" James replied with an identical smirk.

Sirius pulled out his wand slowly and directed it at the man. I was about to jump in and stop him from hurting the poor chap when Sirius uttered the incantation.  
 _"Cattus appareo"_

 _Huh?_

I froze just behind the two boys as a small black and white cat appeared a few feet before the dog. The mastiff tensed, his ears perking up at the site of the cat who hissed loudly. Its sudden appearance seemed to have startled him but he began to growl warningly tugging slightly on the leash in his owner's mouth.

James tried to hold back his laughter as Sirius smirked wider, "And losing his teeth in three…two... one" Sirius counted off his fingers.

In a split second, the dog barked loudly lurching forward at the cat pulling the bewildered man forward by his teeth. The cat screamed eerily and scarpered across the paved road making the dog promptly chase after it barking madly and pulling the poor dumbstruck man behind him.

I stood behind the boys shaking my head as they doubled up with laughter, although in all honesty it was hilarious to watch. _The things they get away with!_

"That was a little cruel don't you think?" I said trying to curb my amusement.

They both turned to me in surprise.  
"Well well, if it isn't Little Red!" smirked Black, "Where's the picnic basket?"

The same joke for nearly four years. I gave him a look, "Your mother ate it!"

"Whoa now!" Sirius smirked raising an eyebrow in mock offense, "Aggressive today Evans!"

I chose to ignore it.

"That wasn't very nice, Red. You shouldn't call my mother a wolf," Sirius said in feigned disapproval, "Although they are related species-wise…" he deliberated thoughtfully scratching his chin.

I rolled my eyes. He sure liked to show off his knowledge of muggle stories. Instead of replying I turned to James trying to keep things on point. My stomach flipped over uncomfortably.

"Umm… James? May I have a word? …Alone?" I blurted quickly before I could overthink it.

James who had so far been smiling bemusedly at his friend turned sharply to me. He seemed slightly shocked at being addressed so directly. I might as well have asked him for his kidney. Awkwardly I shifted my glance to Sirius who was watching both of us with a grin. He was evidently enjoying himself.

"Oh right, that's my cue!" Sirius said in response to my pointed stare.

James smiled at him unapologetically as he clapped him on the shoulder and muttered something that sounded remarkably like, "Let me know how it goes?" before crossing the road and heading down a side street.

"All right, then?" James was watching me with a questioning look and a soft smile.

"Umm…" I pulled on the strap of my handbag, "Are you headed that way?" I suddenly pointed down the road.

He looked over his shoulder, "Yeah, actually I am."

"Great, me too. Shall we?"

"Sure," Despite his thoroughly confused look, he stood back politely allowing me to pass before falling into step with me. I wasn't used to James Potter being polite. Arrogant, haughty, cheeky? Yes, definitely. But not, quiet, silent and polite.

I noticed James slide his hands into his trouser pockets. We walked silently side by side as people bustled past us along the busy road.  
I was usually a lot more talkative. Usually I knew exactly what to say to Potter before he even approached me. Usually it was something along the lines of "Please say something more intelligent than 'All right, Evans?" or "Did broom whack you in the head lately?" Never. _NEVER._ Something like "I'm really sorry for hurting your feelings James I didn't mean to call you a waste of space!"

 _Maybe I should just say that and be done with this. Like ripping off a band-aid._

 _Alice will send you right back here!_

 _Hmph! Damn you, Conscience._

"Are you ok?"

My head snapped up at the sound of his voice. I put on the most charismatic smile I could muster at that point. "Yeah, of course. Why?"

"Well… you were frowning at the pavement."

 _Smile gone._ "Oh…right. I was just thinking…"

He nodded as if to say, "That explains it."

I sighed as we resumed walking. Forget Alice entirely, it wasn't enough that I apologise to him. I needed to know he forgave me for my heartless words. I could barely function with this constantly hovering around the back of my head. It was odd, yes. But I can't handle being ok with hurting someone so callously, even someone as pretentious and obnoxious as James Potter.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked out of the blue.

I gave a short flickering smile still counting the tiles on the pavement.  
"What are you two doing here today?" I asked instead.

"Pad- umm… Sirius wanted to celebrate. OWLs you know. Spent half the morning talking him out of buying a solid gold lunascope!"

I gave a weak chuckle as he laughed fondly.

 _He's talking about OWLs? Great! So Fates have decided not to allow me to worm my way out of this._

"You?" he asked, before the silence could settle again.

"Just wanted to check out a few books for next year."

 _No I didn't. Just happened to see the sign of 'Flourish and Blotts' right then._

"Oh, so Flourish and Blotts?"

 _Obviously._ I nodded with another forced smile.

James Potter followed me into the store just as the bell rang somewhere inside the shop. Several assistants were helping prospective buyers with some choices of books. I headed deep into the store while James lingered at the display desk at the front possibly giving me room alone.

My hands sifted through the familiar stacks of books I'd frequented during my many visits to the shop. In truth I was procrastinating, my eyes constantly peeking through thin spaces between the thick leather bound volumes at James. He was flipping through a short thick red-velvet-bound book seemingly interested. I pulled out several books and thought since I'd have to buy them anyway, might as well do it now.

"Dagamor's Account of Charmwork is our bestseller!" piped a young assistant next to me making me jump. Her round eager face peered at me with a smile. "Starting sixth year at Hogwarts, then?"

"Err…Yes" I nodded.

She pulled several more books off different shelves and handed them to me. "Now for Transfiguration, this is what everyone uses."

I turned the thick volume right way up with some struggle and read the title: ' _Transfiguration: The Next Step' by Darius Flockner._

"Also you'll want this if you're starting DADA too?"

"Umm, yes I am," I said staggering slightly under the weight of the books as she added another two volumes to the pile. The topmost read _"The Dark Creatures Exposed by Professor Isaac Everett Dumas"_

A soft chuckle came from behind, "Need help?"

"Yes please!" I exclaimed. As much as it was awkward to be around James, I wanted to get rid of the over-enthusiastic young shop assistant.

"We're covered here, thanks so much for the help," James said politely and she nodded with a wide smile and unless I'm much mistaken _curtseyed_ before leaving us.

James waited until she was out of earshot before letting out a small laugh, "Must be an intern."

"I thought I'd have to buy the entire store! It's not fair you know, if I'd said what you just said she'd have thought I was being very rude! How do you do it?" I asked as he took some of the heavier books off my arms.

"I smile, genuinely. Might want to try it sometime,"

 _Ouch._

I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him as I noticed his eyes sparkle with the same mischievous glint from his earlier prank.

"Oh you don't need this, this is utter rubbish!" James put the heavy Transfiguration book back on the shelf. Since it was twice the size of my Oxford Dictionary I didn't complain!

"Try this instead," James reached mechanically to the top of the shelf labelled 'Transfiguration' and blindly pulled out a book, at which point my brain registered two things.  
One, James was much taller than I'd assumed at a glance, and two, the place was almost as familiar to him as it was to me, meaning James had frequented the bookstore too.

I wondered wildly what else I was wrong about…

The book he handed me was a small, almost pocket sized dark green leather-bound book. Two gold wands were crossed beneath the title that read, _Essence of Transfiguration: The Secrets of the Forte_

"Thanks!"

"You're welcome," he smiled at me."So you're taking Transfiguration next year?"

"Umm yeah, I thought I might," I said swallowing uncomfortably feeling myself go pink in the face as I bustled over to the counter and hurriedly paid for my books. James said nothing more as we exited the store and looked around.

The sky was streaked with brilliant orange. My stomach flipped nervously as I realised my window of time was closing fast.

As we continued to walk along the pavement (James insisting on carrying two of the four bags from the bookshop) I spotted several familiar faces from school also doing their shopping. Yet I was slightly alarmed at the sudden wide-eyed bizarre looks they were all giving me.

Confused, I checked my reflection on the window panes of _Plantasia Herbs_ until I heard James chuckling next to me.  
"It's not you," he said calmly looking directly at the next passer-by.

"You noticed it too?"

"'Course"

"Well? Why are they staring?"

It was his turn to stare at me now as if I was missing something obvious. "You're joking?"

I shook my head confused. A crooked smile twisted into the corner of his mouth.

"Well, I reckon, you and I walking along the road together with shopping in our hands probably makes them think they are hallucinating!"

I couldn't help but laugh, "It wasn't that bad was it? Not always?"

"Mostly always" he grinned.

I didn't know what he was thinking. But while I ran the words I now had to say in my head my mind constantly kept distracting me, possibly because I hated not knowing what he'd say in reply.

"Ah, there's Sirius!" James suddenly exclaimed. At the far end of the street opposite, Sirius was talking to two girls. One I recognised to have left school a few years ago.

"James!" I said hurriedly making him turn sharply to me, "Umm, I have to tell you something…"

His brow furrowed both curiously and in confusion. I sighed deeply before continuing.

"I got an Outstanding for Transfiguration" I said in a low voice looking down at my nails.

"What? That's brilliant! Congratulations!" His wide smile was so genuine that it burned me in the pit of my stomach with guilt. He almost reached for my shoulder and let his hand drop as if he thought better of it.

"James…" I shook my head dismally.

"What is it...?"

I bit my lip looking up into his eyes. How could his eyes, that had always just been brown, be such an amalgam of colour now?  
"We both know I wouldn't have got if it weren't for you…"

James' smile vanished to be replaced by a sympathizing look. He stared at me for a long moment and I could see his confusion clearing. He knew why I was here.

"I didn't teach you anything you didn't already know, Lily."

"James please… don't."

Somewhere in the depth of my mind a siren rang out loud. I was out of time. The words had to come now.  
"The last day of school… I said some truly horrible things," I swallowed.

"True things…" He deliberated.

"No…" I looked up at him and the orange glow of the setting sun glazed the side of his face illuminating across his iris. His gaze upon me was soft yet resolute. They somehow kept us in an illusion of empty space where I had no audience but him. I could say anything now because there was no one else around us. Just me and him. He waited giving me the time I needed.

"I've been going through it over and over again in my head. What I said… I've realised a great potion of that is assumptions and biased opinions. In any case there's no excuse for the way I treated you after you helped me through that time. I just…"

"Lily…" James spoke in a deep but tender voice, one you'd use to console a wounded child, "there's no need to apologise…"

A smile flickered onto my face as a small measure of relief filled my lungs. I was sure he was going to say it was alright, and all was forgiven. But he didn't…

"I've taken a lot of things for granted in the past and hurt a lot of people along the way…"

I tilted my head trying to understand what he meant. The fiery light of dying sun set the sky ablaze and in that light I could see the regret in his face for the words he was about to say.

"You were right, Lily. Even if I change… we can't be friends. Because deep down inside, at least a part of you will always blame me for the way you lost Snape."

 _Snape…_ A chill ran through me.

"But… I…"

"I'm sorry." James said with a hard smile.

It felt like a punch to my gut. One I hadn't expected leaving me dazed. I couldn't understand why it affected me so much. Granted no one had ever refused an apology from me before, it seemed almost childish. But why did it matter so much, why did I care?

I stared at his face, not the boy I once knew but a young man who had grown in a way I had never predicted. I'd discovered first-hand the icy veil behind the friendly mask he wore. He stared back into my eyes, unblinking.

"Red, I'm sorry to interrupt," Sirius said wondering over, clearly in an uncomfortable situation with his fists burrowed deeply into his pockets. "Rita wants to interview me about my emancipation! Prongs, _please_ get me out of this! I beg of you!"

James looked over Sirius' shoulder and then turned back to me at which point I decided I couldn't look at him anymore. "I've got to go…" he handed me my books, "I'm sorry," the apology was subtle but not casual.

"Sorry Red, see you later" Sirius patted my shoulder and hurried off with James along Beechwood Alley disappearing into the crowd.

Distraction had never been a strong suit of mine, when something was bothering me it took hold of me completely. Back at home, I tried to think about anything else other than the humiliating apology that had been returned as a slap on the face.

"Everything alright, dear?" mum asked me while I helped her with supper.

I nodded mutely.

"Why don't you go on and set the table, it'll be ready in a minute."

I took my leave from the kitchen thankfully to escape my mum's sharp instincts and set the table quickly.

"This isn't fair Dad! _Why?_ Why can't I have a night out with her? She's perfectly lovely!"

"Tuney I'm sorry, I've made up my mind. Your mother's laboured in the kitchen all afternoon for this nice meal and you're not about to walk out on a family dinner!"

A row had already started between Tuney and Dad because Tuney wanted to go to a party with Marge, her boyfriend's sister and Dad wouldn't hear a word of it.  
The arguing continued back and forth while I placed a bunch of marigolds at the centre of the table. I felt somehow she'd make this row about me. At the very least they would shield me from Tuney's death-stare.

When we all sat down (Tuney grudgingly so, raking her chair across the floor,) Mother had us say 'Grace'. While she piled beans and chicken onto each of our plates, Dad passed out the bread rolls.  
We ate in silence for a short while. Occasionally forks chinked against the china. Finally Dad decided to break the silence.

"So, Lil how was lunch with Alice?"

And… there goes dinner.

There was a loud _CLANG_ as Tuney dropped her fork loudly onto her plate.

"Of course! Dear old _Lilikins_ gets to go out with her freaky friends! But if I actually want to see another human being? NO! This is just DAMN UNFAIR!"

"Petunia!" Mum glowered, "Keep your voice down at the table!"

Dad seemed to realise his grave mistake and said nothing but fork some potatoes into his mouth. He was very fond of Alice and loved having her over for short visits, so it wasn't unusual for him to ask how she was. But it was terrible timing considering Tuney's foul temper.

"I can't believe you two!" She said pointing her bony finger at our parents, "How can you just sit there and pretend she's _normal_!"

I swallowed. It gave me a sickening chill whenever my sister treated me like I was an unpleasant stain on her life. I was getting used to it, but it was still horrible. And that day, I really didn't want to feel worse.  
I kept my eyes on my plate and ate slowly trying to ignore her, mainly to stop Dad from shouting because I hated it when Dad got angry, especially on my account.

Tuney's pointed chin pulled further in bitterness as she gave me a dirty look, "One day, she's going to bring home another freak just like her and I'll bet you'll be over the bloody moon about it! It's just the people _I_ date that you've got a problem with!"

Dad's fist came down on the table making the plates rattle loudly. Mum clutched her chest and we all stared at him alarmed.

"Enough!" he said loudly, "I will not tolerate another word against Lily and her gifts under this roof!"  
I couldn't help but give Dad a small appreciative smile.

Tuney got up. "Fine!"

"You listen to me young lady, you need to watch your tongue! You're not going out of this house till I say so!" Dad called after her as she stormed off.

"FINE!" I could hear her running up the stairs.

"Petunia!"

Her door closed with a loud bang.

Dad sighed, "I'm so sorry, Mary," he said to my mother. They looked at each other shaking their heads.

I skipped out on the pudding, not having the stomach for it, and escaped to my room.

I didn't fall asleep till much later although I went to bed earlier than usual. Finally I fell asleep only to be woken up in the middle of the night by a loud tap on my window. My eyes snapped open to the sound of small rocks hitting my window.

I rubbed my eyes and got up.  
 _Who in the world would be throwing stones at my window at this time of night?_

Once I reached the window and looked out however, I wished I hadn't asked myself that question. There on the grass was an annoyingly familiar tall boy with a similarly adamant mass of black hair shining in the light of the street lamps.

I didn't know what possessed me to do what I did next, but I pulled my nightgown over my pyjamas and tip toed down the stairs. I opened the lock on the front door soundlessly and stepped out onto the soft grass. The cool breeze of the night was welcoming at it tickled though my hair but it did nothing to improve my mood.

With an impatient sigh I stood in front of him, arms folded across my chest.

"Hey," he said with a playful smile upon his lips.

I said nothing.

"Didn't think you'd come down. Thought I might have to climb up to your window!" James chuckled juggling the small rocks still in his hand.

"How did you know where I lived?" I asked with a stern gaze. I had been humiliated the moment I let my guard down, I wasn't about to make that mistake again.

"I didn't. I knew where Snape lived and I knew you lived close by, so I came to the town and asked around. They said the Evans family lived up here." He dropped the stones back onto the lawn dusting his hands off on his trousers and turned to me with a smile.  
Was I supposed to be impressed?

"Well you found me! Now, what are you doing here, Potter?"

"I came to apologise…"

I stared at him for a moment before a harsh cynical laugh burst out of me.

"Are you having a laugh? I could have sworn you _disliked_ apologies," I said sarcastically.

"Look," he stepped towards me boldly, "I'm sorry, ok? You surprised me. I mean… It's you! Lily Evans! I panicked!"

"You panicked?" I asked incredulously.

"You find that so hard to believe?" he asked with a mixture of fondness and curiosity.

"I do, actually!"

James took another step closer holding my gaze while I stood my ground with my head held high.

"You find it odd that I panicked when you were so close to me, asking for my forgiveness?"

He tilted his head a small fraction. I shifted my feet back, which was a grave mistake…

As if given the incentive, James closed the space between us, coming to stand inches away from me. Startled, my arms fell to my sides! A smile twisted in the corner of his mouth at my reaction.  
He was indeed taller than I'd anticipated. My brow barely reached his chin. My eyes levelled at his collarbones where the muscles of his neck filled his collared shirt. I assumed to look up into his eyes then was as brave an act as any. My eyes traced along his neck, his rough set jaw and over his nose. Behind his glasses I watched his eyes, trying to read them. They were burning bright even in the dim light… almost smouldering.

I swallowed and my voice was a lot less defiant when I spoke again.  
"What did you have to feel so unsettled about in an apol-"

"It had nothing to do with the apology," he cut across me with a soft murmur that ran swiftly across his lips making me look up at him suddenly.  
I couldn't stop it.

My lips parted but I didn't know what words to say. He leaned forwards holding my gaze until his lips caught mine with a soft, gentle kiss. I didn't break it, I didn't even know how. My eyes closed. His hand slowly held my waist and pulled me in, pressing his lips more intently against mine. I felt his fingertips brush up my neck and cup the side of my face. I realised then… I was kissing him back.

 _Tap. Tap._

My eyes snapped open.

 _Tap._

Half my face was buried in my pillow. My eyes swivelled around the room to get my bearings. I was still in bed.

 _STUPID. STUPID. STUPID._ I punched my pillow repeatedly.  
 _YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING! OF ALL THINGS TO DREAM-_

 _._

 _URRRGH!_ I got up throwing my sheet off me and quickly wiping away the bit of dribble on the side of my face, which by the way is perfectly normal. No one has control over their dribble during deep sleep!  
More importantly who's outside throwing stones at my bloody window and why don't I own a gun to shoot it!?

 _Note to self: Invest in a gun._

I marched up to the windowsill and looked out. I could see the large backside of a plump boy bent double on our lawn picking around for more stones to throw at the window. Fuming, I pushed the window open and yelled.

"WRONG WINDOW, DURSLEY!"

The boy got the shock of his life and fell over his own feet knocking the garbage bins down with him.

Moron.

"Lily you _FREAK_! Keep your voice down!" Petunia hissed in a loud whisper from the next room.

 _ **James**_

I was breathing rapidly as I ran. Most people would pace themselves and jog consistently, but not me, I chose to push myself. I find running to be one of the things that help me clear my mind and right now I needed it. A long run through the dense forest of these parks provided the perfect environment to think.

The woods were calm and cool, dimly lit in the early morning light. We'd been running for nearly an hour at a stretch. Sirius fell behind as I jogged further ahead. When he didn't catch up I slowed to a stop and turned around to find him holding his knees breathing hard. I was out of breath myself but I needed the run. I needed the adrenaline and the fresh air.

I watched Sirius who was struggling somewhat to get air into his lungs fast enough.  
"You're…slow…" I said in between breaths joshing him.

"Sod off." He replied without even looking up.  
I laughed at his annoyance. Sirius didn't take it well when someone challenged his physical capacity. Once he'd straightened up, he stretched a little pulling his tall frame to its limit before walking over to me. He kicked some of the dead leaves along the footpath carelessly, no doubt to vent his feelings to nudge me in the head.

"Just because…you can _prance_ … doesn't mean… you need to show off!"  
He said panting slightly.

I smiled to myself. I knew he was impatient whenever he made a reference to my Animagus in his sarcasm. I felt bad for him, he hated running and only did it to keep in shape for Quidditch. No doubt he sensed my preoccupied state past few days and wanted to find out if something was bothering me.

"I didn't ask you to come," I said quietly.

He gave me a look but otherwise ignored me. My watch gave a signalling whistle. It was charmed to record our run and we had broken our previous record by a long shot.

"Brilliant!" Sirius said perking up at the sound, "I'm starving!"

Something we quickly realised about being Animagi was that while our physical performance and endurance had expanded, our metabolism too seemed to quadruple overnight. We were literally burning through our food and we constantly needed to eat. As if on cue my stomach rumbled.

"Yeah me too! Let's head back. They should be up by now."

Sirius and I apparated to the front gates of Potter Manor. It was the closest we could get since the manor was too protected to allow apparition inside.  
As we approached the gates, invisible locks began to unlock with several loud clicks and clangs leaving a reverberating echo behind. The wrought iron high gates pulled apart seamlessly and we walked up the stone path winding across the grounds. Gregory, a loyal servant and a friend of my father's was already taking a few Granians out for training. They were majestic winged horses my mother's family had bred. Their strong hooves clunked on the stone path as they followed Gregory.

At the forefront was Hades, my favourite. He was jet black, a rare mutation for the solid grey breed. A magnificent animal by looks, he was however rejected by the Breeders' Association as 'Unfit for Profiling'.  
Hades earned his name by his equally rare fiery orange eyes. Though he appeared menacing, he was intensely loyal and exceptionally obedient. Behind him was Skyla, mother's prime jewel. The lightest of greys, with her wings almost a dove-white, she was the oldest mare in our stables and was gentle and patient with any untrained rider. Bringing the rear was our youngest, Pegasus, still a foal but with a promising set of steel grey wings.

"Good morning, Master Potter, Master Black" Gregory have a curt nod as he headed out.

"Good morning, Gregory." We replied. I patted Hades gently as he passed by.

We headed quickly to the manor and found a bit of a commotion in the stone courtyard outside.

 _"Desmophorus!"_

An orange light streaked across the courtyard and hit the large clay vase by the pillars, rebounding off the unbreakable charm. Both Sirius and I ducked just in time as the jet of light soared over our heads.

"Great! They started without us!" Sirius muttered angrily under his breath pulling his wand out from behind the shelter of a stone statue.

" _Nigrum fuma!"_ Peter cried. A thick black fog spread from the tip of his wand.

" _Evaneso,_ " Remus siphoned the smoke into his wand. "You can't be serious?"

"I'm not, I'm Peter" Peter gave a chuffed grin.

"Witty!" Remus replied sarcastically.

Remus and Peter stood ten feet apart from each other on the stone courtyard in front of the lawn. By the looks of it Remus was coaching Peter on duelling.

"It's not really fair when you're using your 'superhuman skills' now is it?" Peter raised an eyebrow.

"Come on, Peter! We're two weeks to the next full moon! You know I'm at my weakest right now. Beating me should only be too easy-"

 _"Expelliarmus!"_ A well-aimed disarming spell hit Remus squarely, knocking him to the ground while his wand flew out of his hand landing on the floor with a soft clatter.

Remus coughed straightening up, "You were just distracting me," he shook his head.

Peter smiled guiltily, "Sorry mate!"

Sirius and I laughed joining them.

"Atta boy, Wormtail!" Sirius thumped Peter on the back, "and never apologise for playing dirty!" he smirked.

"Looks like the tutor has underestimated his student?" I chuckled and held out my hand pulling Remus to his feet.

"Touché," Remus rubbed his jaw picking his wand off the ground.

Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers with a smirk. "Gentlemen, what do you say we make this more interesting?"

And it was on.

The four of us battled each other on the grounds outside the manor, firing hex after hex for the title of 'Last Man Standing'.

We all had different techniques.  
Sirius was exceptionally good at attacking, knowing the precise movements and lunging at exactly the right moment. But in contrast his blocking spells were flawed and he often had trouble with his footwork. Remus was smart, employing a series of curses, counter-curses and blocks in rapid succession which often would intimidate an opponent. It was all a mind-game to him, to think like the enemy and retaliate accordingly.

Peter on the other hand liked playing it safe. His strong suit was defensive spells. No one could quite generate a shield charm as impregnable as Peter's, save for those spells it couldn't block. He rarely chose to attack and when he did it was in a clear cut opportunity when his shot would not be missed or when he had little choice.  
I had a bit of both in me, I wasn't as strong as Sirius in attacking but I was quick and precise. So I used fast-paced spells with quick movements to attack and relied on my agility and footwork to avoid being hit rather that conjuring blocking spells.

But of course, when one had trained as much as we had with each other everything became a mapped out game plan in one's head. We all have our little tells after all.

Sirius moved an inch to the side and tilted his arm to the right. _Ahh, his famous Shoulder Dislocator hex._

I ducked tucking my arm in anticipation and avoided the bright blue hex Remus threw at Peter just as Sirius fired his curse.  
 _"Humerum luxatio!"_  
The crimson jet of light streaked past my left ear narrowly missing my intended shoulder.

 _"Anteoculatia!_ " I fired back twirling my wand quickly in three concentric circles. A pulse of violet light burst from my wand-tip.

Sirius jumped out of the way to avoid the curse and it hit Peter instead making thick horns grow out of his skull. Sirius and I paused briefly to laugh before Remus sent his signature Stinging Hex at us making me roll over along onto the grass to avoid getting hit.

I quickly jumped to my feet narrowly blocking Peter's _"Spectra Nox"_ , a temporary blinding curse. Peter used the moment of diverted attention to get rid of his horns.

A pale grey curse streaked past me missing me by a whisker.

"Jelly legs? Really?" I asked Remus.

"Prefer a bunny tail?" he laughed mockingly.

"Eat slugs" I fired a jinx at him making him jump out of the way.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius use my distraction to fire another, _"Carpi Distortia"_  
I had just enough time to twist out of the way before it hit me. Very clever of Sirius to use a Wrist Torsion Hex, so that it could stop me from defending myself with my own wand thereby successfully eliminating me from the game. Too bad it didn't work out for him though.

I retaliated with an impulsive _"Propulsa maxima"_ which Sirius couldn't get out of in time and managed to knock the wind out of him, throwing him down on his back.  
Remus seized the opportunity to exert a Full Body Bind on Sirius, that left three of us still standing.

Peter, Remus and I stared at each other, breathing hard. I watched them carefully for a shifting glance, a clenched jaw or a twitch in an eyebrow, anything that would give away their actions with a second's warning. My wand was slack in my hand. Apparently something Remus hadn't missed in his calculating look as he shifted his glance to Peter whom he might choose to attack first…  
Or it could be a bluff… to get my guard down. I watched both of them for a reaction. Then without warning, Remus and Peter simultaneously attacked each other.

" _Rubro Occulo!_ " Conjunctivis curse.

" _Entomorphius!_ " Insectoid Transformation.

Thick jets of yellow and electric blue light engaged each other but the force of the curses hitting each other was too strong and both Remus and Peter were pushed to the ground with the rebounding force with their wands still in hand. As a result the curses began to interlace with each other, both spiralling straight at me.  
I couldn't conjure two successive blocks fast enough and a shield charm wouldn't block them both. I couldn't dodge one without being hit by the other. I was out of time…

"James!" Someone yelled.

Between the winding curses, I saw the rapidly closing spindle of empty space. It was my only window out. It was now or never.  
With a quick instinctive glance, I lunged forward, pushing myself headfirst through the space as the curses weaved into each other. I pulled my arms in and twisted my body in mid-air with the momentum of the jump to manipulate myself out of the chaos. The blue curse slid beneath me grazing my elbow below as the yellow one narrowly passed over the bridge of my nose.  
The next second I landed painfully on the ground on my side.

Remus and Sirius pulled me back by my shoulders along the grass as the two curses collided in a shower of bright sparks.

Sirius seized me by the collar immediately, "Are you alright?"

"Yes Padfoot, I'm fine!" I laughed pushing my glasses up my nose. Sirius pulled me to my feet as Peter came hurrying over to us.

"James! I don't know what happened! Are you alright!?"

"At ease boys! I'm fine!" I insisted dusting myself off, "But you've got to admit, that was bloody brilliant!" I grinned.

Remus rolled his eyes while Peter and Sirius laughed.

"Can we declare I'm the winner of this duel?" I said highly positive of a unanimous vote.

They all laughed and bowing good-humouredly before me and I graciously acknowledged their humble praise with a courteous nod.

All four of us stood on the green lawns looking at the aftermath of our duel. Big patches of grass blasted off the smooth grounds as if someone had excavated something huge, stone boulder's blasted to pieces, burning holes through perfectly trimmed hedges and several stone statues decapitated…

"Oh boy," I shook my head "Mum's going to murder us!"

Yet I couldn't help but grin.

After magically restoring the garden back to its pre-apocalyptic state before afternoon, they boys and I spent the remainder of the day playing exploding snap and exchanging stories from our homes the two weeks we had been apart. Sirius filled in Remus and Peter about his emancipation and his plans hereon. After a delectable supper, the end of a long day found the four of us sitting by the marble fireplace of the cosy library.

Dad had a love for books and knowledge I'd only seen in one other person in my life. Lily Evans. Thus the library, though infinitely smaller than the one at Hogwarts, housed a lot of books about every subject and genre imaginable, even those written by muggles. It was, therefore, ideal for four boys who had found a secret hobby in stealing copies of old Auror Office Case Files and trying to crack the mysteries within them. Dad had explored nearly every career option before he'd settled on his own businesses. Having a natural skill and a keen interest in Defence Against the Dark Arts at school, he'd collected many old case files for reading and understanding and to quench his investigative needs. He'd once thought of pursuing a career as an Auror and though that path was soon a forgotten dream, his collections remained hidden in the Library for four young wizards to engage in much later.

Today however our focus had shifted to more trivial matters: Homework.

Quills scratched as we wrote our Transfiguration essays quietly around the centre table. Sirius, having little interest in homework was leisurely examining a new type of telescope advertised on _Magnus Magique_ magazine. Leant back, feet resting on the armrest of the nearest chair, he looked simply at ease.

"Is it correct to say 'The liquid stage _prevails_ the molecular transforming stage'?" Peter asked out loud.

"Precedes," Sirius and I said together without looking up.

Peter scratched something off and resumed writing again.

"You should really get the essay done an over with, Sirius" Remus remarked offhandedly looking up from his work.

I hid my smile behind my copy of _Friedhausen's Principles_ at the prospect of Sirius' reply.

"Don't worry, Motherhen," Sirius nonchalantly flipped the glossy page over beside me, "I fully intend on copying yours as soon as you're done!"

"Really think McGonagall can't tell the difference with a few alterations?"

"I think Minnie will be in a huff if I didn't do anything, so by logic 'something' is always better,"

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes, "Think she'll be in a huff if she heard you calling her that! If it's used enough times it's bound to slip out eventually you know"

Sirius smirked, "Unless she's promised you Head Boy, and _you_ won't slip, 'Ickle Prefect, I think we're safe!"

Remus pretended to be scandalised, "Words hurt you know?" he threw a small book at him and Sirius caught it before it hit either of us.

With a thoughtful look Sirius dropped the magazine on the polished table and turned in his seat deliberately toward me, "Speaking of words that hurt, what the hell did you say to Evans?"

"What?" I almost dropped my book and had to pick it back up, "What are you on about?"

"I mean, after you two talked in Diagon Alley she looked like you'd slapped her across the face!"

"What!?" Remus and Peter turned to me suddenly abandoning their work, "You two met up in Diagon Alley? When did all this happen?"

Sirius waited his eyes curious, looking at me expectantly with a subtle smile.  
Damn. He knew I wasn't telling all and he was going to enjoy pulling it from me slowly.

I narrowed my eyes at him and sighed turning to the other two.

"We didn't meet up. We just… met…"

"Right… that clears it up!" Peter said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, "Sirius, would you tell them? Please?"

Sirius grinned, "Sorry mate, I'm having too much fun watching you wiggle about!"

"Unbelievable!" I got up feeling the heat rise behind my neck and gathered some of the abandoned books deciding to put them back into their shelves.

"We didn't meet up alright? Sirius and I, we were there and she just popped up! Said she wanted to talk…"

"Ok," said Remus turning around as I moved behind him to store the books. I could tell by the hint of a smile upon his face he was catching up too. "And what did she want to talk about?"

They'll fish it out of me eventually, might as well just say it.

"Nothing," I said in the most careless tone I could fabricate, "She just wanted to apologise…"

Not wanting to see their ogling looks I turned swiftly and pressed a few books into their cramped shelves.

"Apologise?" came Remus and Peter's unified disbelieving voice, "What it the world for?"

"Remember that incident I told you about… after OWL transfiguration?" I turned to face them

"The incident where she said she didn't want to be mates 'cos you drove Snape mental? That incident?"

I gave Peter a very flat look, "Yes, Wormtail, that incident. She just… wanted to say sorry."

"That you existed?" Sirius laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"And?" Remus pressed following me back as I resumed my seat.

I picked up my favourite book, _Essence of Transfiguration_ and pretended to read, not a hard task since I'd practically memorised it already.

"And nothing, that was it. That's all we talked about," I said as a closing statement flipping the page over for effect.

I was aware of Sirius watching me carefully from the corner of my eye, his broad grin not diminishing for a second, "You didn't accept, did you?"

I couldn't help the smirk that crept into my mouth, didn't expect him to read me that easily.  
"No, I didn't."

"Why not!?" Peter demanded, "I thought you liked her!"

"She's making an effort here!" Remus said diplomatically.

"Why would you make it more difficult?" Peter asked loudly.

"Because she doesn't mean it!" I said closing the book with a snap, "You know Evans, she's practically got a halo on her head. The only reason she's apologising is 'cos what she said is eating her up inside. So she wants to put things right and forget about it…" I explained.

They all watched me for a long moment before Remus finally asked, "And you don't want her to put things right, because?"

I smiled at them and leaned forward on the table, "Because I don't want her to forget about it…"

* * *

 **A/N: Hello lovelies, do tell me how you like your new chapter. Reviews are Snickerdoodles ! ~ love, Dark.**


	4. Chapter 4: Corridor Affairs

_**Chapter 4: Corridor Affairs**_

 _ **Lily**_

 _Just. Stop_.

 _Stop obsessing over it, Lily._

I was done wasting my entire summer over that ridiculous apology, Potter's self-righteous response and in general the pathetic excuse of a holiday I had.

I resolved to face the year anew. It was my NEWT year too!

I wheeled my trunk along Platform 9 ¾ through the throng of students and parents saying their goodbyes before they left for Hogwarts. I waved at people I knew and passed by a compartment with three mismatched girls in it, looking out the window.

"Hurry up and move your arse, Evans!" called the wire-haired blonde. I rolled my eyes, headed over to the nearest entrance door and got on the train following a few other students.

It took me a while to get to the right compartment with all the students cramped in the corridors looking for their friends and classmates and a place to settle into for the ride to school.

"Finally!" I huffed throwing the right compartment door open and pulling my trunk into it.

None of them paid any attention to me as they were all busy looking out the window giggling away.

I heaved my trunk onto the rack and stowed my owl cage carefully next to Inky, the deep blue Puffskein. Noot hooted softly as I fed her a few owl treats through the cage. Then I turned to the girls.

"What are we looking at?" I whispered curiously crouching next to them.

"It's _them_ ," Mary, the wire-haired blonde giggled again, "the troublesome foursome,"

"Oh Merlin!" I rolled my eyes again and wandered back to my seat pulling out a copy of _Do-it-yourself Easy Fix Charms_ from my bag.

I watched over the top of my book as Potter and his three best friends passed by our compartment. Sirius, with his usual carefree charm that came so easily to him, an almost regal look plastered on his face as he surveyed the platform. Potter walked beside his best mate with a matching smirk, his school-robes slung over his shoulder, tie hanging loose around his neck looking very devil-may-care, Remus a little paler than usual his hair sticking out rather oddly, tagged along Potter's right and Peter the somewhat larger of the boys, looking dishevelled but casually so with a dazed look on his face, followed them a step behind busy checking his many pockets.

It's a mystery why they were so popular. Every single student at Hogwarts (yes, including me) had been a victim of their pranks. Everyone knew they were behind it all and yet they were loved, and adored among the students, their crimes easily forgotten over the general 'entertainment' they provided. Their self-proclaimed wit and charm never ceased to get them the attention they craved.

I did _not_ understand it!

Yes, alright, they may have miraculously inherited some favourable genes and may be _marginally_ more attractive than the rest of the male population. But really, was everyone in school that shallow?

Mary, Edith and Caitlyn gave a unified gleeful hoot and succumbed to another fit of giggles.

Apparently, yes.

"You know when James does that double-take?" Mary sighed, "I believe he's made it a signature move of his. Helps that he's fit too!" She said leaning into her perched hand.

Mary McDonald; borderline-insane, scatter-brained and generally overly-talkative. She loves marshmallows and painting her nails all manner of odd vibrant colours. Today another classic: black and lime-green stripes!

Cait laughed at her. Caitlyn Sommers was exactly like a puppy. She had big brown eyes the exact shade of her hair and a huge dimpled smile. You could never say 'No' to that face!

"Isn't Remus quite tidy though… a bit… charming?" Caitlyn said in a quiet voice, wincing as if she didn't want to admit it.

Also, she was pathologically shy.

"You're so good with synonyms!" Edith said making Cait blush.

"Peter's kind of adorable too, but I think James takes the cake! He's pretty much the fittest bloke in school," Mary defended her obsession.

"Come on! There are many more lush boys than James Alcaturus Potter!"

"That's not even his name!"

"Trevor Greyson!"

"Bash Maulins!"

"Oh yes!"

"Evan Rosier?"

"Oi! You have to factor in personality as well! And in that regard he's a minus fifty!" Mary reminded the directives of how to properly assess the desirability of boys.

I shook my head dismally.

"So by those standards, I reiterate, James Potter takes the cake!"

"Yeah he does! Until Sirius comes along with that fit body of his that peeks though woollen sweaters and suddenly no one else exists in the world anymore!" Edith said wiggling her eyebrows. Cait and Mary giggled at her.

Edith Banks, fluent in English and Sarcasm, uses her blue eyes to stare into your very soul if she's convinced you're lying to her. Loves plimsolls, hates rain. Has had an affection for long-time friend Remus but will sooner eat dragon dung than admit it.  
Usually a good friend to depend on for boy-bashing but she seemed to have thoroughly ignored the fact that Potter had been a pig to me lately.

 _Alright! We're done with that Lily! Move on!_

"Why am I mates with you bird-brains?" I asked seriously and was promptly ignored.

"Let's see, who votes for Potter and who votes Sirius?" Edith shot her hand up and declared herself loyal to Sirius. Mary unsurprisingly affirmed her vote was with Potter and Cait after much deliberation and blushing chose to go with Sirius.

Mary rather crossly turned to me.

"I'd rather rinse my brain out with Firewhiskey!" I admitted.

"Oh don't be such a prude Lily!" Mary said dramatically waving a hand as she saw me reading another book.

Edith pushed herself onto the seat beside me and her blue eyes peeked at the book over my shoulder. "3-step Lipstick-stain Removing Charm!" she announced to the compartment as I shut my book with a snap, "James is _so_ lucky you've got that covered!" she grinned.

"Don't make me vomit, Banks." I said in a disgusted voice.

"Oh please, we all know you secretly _want_ James!" Edith leaned into me with the perfect personification of yearning while Cait and Mary laughed at us.  
What did I do? I swatted her in the head with my book.

" _Ow!_ Psychotic bint!" she yelled rubbing her head.

"Bloody hell! You lot were supposed to join me and verbally bash Potter!" I said looking about the compartment miffed by their lack of response for my three-parchment-roll letter to each of them describing the humiliating apology over summer.

Yes, I have issues letting go.

Mary dramatically rolled her eyes. Edith sighed thoughtfully, pushing her chestnut hair back and looking out the window again.  
"Yeah I know, but it's just so hard to take your side when you're always Little Miss Cranky-Pants and he's…" she gestured out the window, "Well… gorgeous!"

 _Wham_.

"OW!" Edith clutched her arm as Mary and Cait laughed again, "Bloody _hell_ Evans! That really hurt!"

"That one was deserved," Mary commented quietly earning a scathing look from Edith.

The whistle blasted at long last and the scattered students on the platform quickly jumped on board. And we were off. I was finally heading home.

As the train picked up speed leaving grim London behind us, the compartment door slid open once more.

"Well, there you are!" said an unenthusiastic voice.

"Quinn?" asked Cait unsurely.

"QUINN?" the rest of us asked with evident disbelief.

"No! It's bloody Santa Claus!" she huffed pulling the door closed and pushing her trunk roughly onto the already cramped rack. Noot hooted indignantly.

All four of us stared at her as she flopped down on the seat next to the door opposite me. Her usually long blonde hair had been cut brutally short and now hung prickling around her shoulders, dyed abstractly black. Thick streaks of black framed her light eyes that seemed to have lost their buoyant cheerful charm.

"What in the name Merlin's sodding pants happened to you?" Mary asked not bothering to tame her words.

Quinn said nothing dismissively fidgeting through her purse. She then shocked all of us by pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up with her wand.

"QUINN!" I pulled the foul thing out of her mouth before she could even take a single drag. "What's gotten into you?"

"Relax _mother_!" she pulled a face and kicked her bag to the floor. Something was definitely wrong.

"What on earth is wrong with you, Quinn? What is this about?" I repeated hotly.

"None of your business Prefect, stay out of it!"

"Lily, just drop it. It's just another of her bitch-moods," said Mary rolling her eyes and taking a seat next to Cait.

"Shut it you minger, no one asked you!" Quinn snarled crossing her arms petulantly.

"Quinn!" Edith warned sharply and Quinn fell silent.

I shook my head and exchanged seats with Cait, sitting next to the strange being in Quinn's body.

"What's going on, Quinn. Talk to us!" I asked softly.

"Oh _now_ you care!?" she asked incredulously, her eyes burning as she turned to look at me. I instinctively backed away a bit.

"All summer I've been listening to you whine about home and Severus and Potter being a prat and _you_!" she shot suddenly at Edith "You with your ' _Oh my brother is being so immature_ ' and ' _Oh my cat ran away again!'_ and you Mary! Ranting on and on about your latest, and might I say worst, hair-colour _EVER!_ And _You!_ (Cait flinched visibly) whining about having no inspiration to write songs anymore! _WELL BOO HOO!_ "

Quinn stood up and she was almost in tears.

"Did anyone ever wonder how _I_ was doing? NO! None of you gave a rat's arse did you?!" she finished her eyes unbelievably wide and her voice contemptuous.

We were silent. It was all true. I hadn't bothered to ask Quinn how she was doing, I didn't really notice that she hadn't written back to my letter. I got so absorbed in my pathetic internal turmoil that I wasn't there for my friend.

"Well…" Edith said calmly forcing Quinn to look up at her, "Yes, maybe we have been preoccupied. And we're sorry Quinn. But shouting at us isn't right. So, why don't you tell us? We're listening now, Quinn."

I thought this might trigger another rant on Quinn's part but she seemed to be done with yelling. She folded her arms and sank back into the seat with a deep sigh.

"What happened?" I tried again.

"We broke up!" she cried with a hollow laugh, tears welling up in her eyes.

"What?" Mary and Cait both asked together.

It was quite a shock. The two of them had been almost inseparable the week after OWLs. It just couldn't have ended so soon.

"Quinn! I'm…" I simply hugged her.

Surprisingly Quinn didn't shrug me off or yell at me. She sniffed leaning her head against my shoulder.

"Urgh stupid bell-end!" Edith said shaking her head, "You know he'll be back, he always comes back."

"Yeah, you two break-up and make-up all the time," Cait consoled softly.

"Yeah," Mary said agreeing.

Quinn shook her head sniffing again, "This feels different… It feels… broken," she paused to blot her eyes, "Worst is, I think we can't be friends anymore either."

We all looked uncomfortably at each other while Quinn smothered her face with a handkerchief with the pretence of wiping at her thick mascara.

I decided then I'd had enough. I may not have been there for her all summer but I was there then and I resolved to kick his sodding arse all the way to next week!

I got up suddenly.

"Wh-Where are you going?" Quinn asked looking up at me. Her silent tears making a horrible mess of her overwhelming amount of eyeliner. Poor doll.

"Yeah… err where are you going?" Edith asked watching the wand I'd just pulled out of my pocket warily.

"E, please help her clean up." Edith nodded and scooted over to Quinn with handkerchief in hand.

I looked at Quinn.  
"I'm going to show your ex-boyfriend the proper technique of pulling one's head out of one's own arse. You sit tight."

I opened compartment door before the others could protest, "Someone's about to get schooled!"

I'd always wanted to say that and leave a room dramatically.

I stumbled out onto the crowded corridor. Oh well.

 _ **James**_

"Oi! Prongs!" a hand clapped on my shoulder bringing me sharply to reality. I turned to see Sirius standing by me in the middle of Kings Cross station showing me the dial on his wrist watch, "Five minutes to eleven, we've got to go. Come on!"

I nodded and followed him joining Remus and Peter as we pushed our trolleys through the barrier and entered Platform 9 ¾.

This, is a moment to enjoy.

Of course Sirius does hog most of the attention, but there is still something so surreal about immerging out of the barrier and walking through the smoke filling the platform each year and seeing the students you grew up with turn around, do a double-take and smile, grin, wink, wave or even give a nod that makes you feel... like you were part of something exciting.

We are the Marauders.  
The cocky, arrogant, rule-breaking boys of Gryffindor who lived for the next big thrill and of course to make an entertaining mess of the average bystander's day. It is beyond arrogant to admit it yes, but we were the height of cool. Ask anyone.

I flung my robes over my shoulder carelessly and pushed my trolley forward alongside the train. Remus flanked my other side. He was feeding bits of bacon to Archie the ferret on his shoulder who was making excited squeaks as if to approve. I laughed at the pair of them. They completely understood one another.

Steam belched out of the engine as the Hogwarts Express came to life. Students were now detaching themselves from their parents and hurriedly boarding the train.

"Hey fellas!" the McGilles sisters walked by us with a casual wave over their shoulder. Pretty, fit, rotten attitude.

Sirius gave them an acknowledging nod, and in response many hopeful girls waved back at him, some eagerly, some unsurely. I hid my smile turning to check on Peter who was hurriedly double checking everything. Peter usually (always) left something behind at home.

"Prongs mate, what were you thinking of earlier?" Sirius turned to me suddenly full of interest, "you had the funniest look on your face!"

I smiled and his expression suddenly turned into regret.

"Please don't tell me it's Evans? You've been talking about that bloody heart-to-heart you had all summer! If I have to hear one more time how lovely she was when she scrunched her nose or how her eyes were shinning when she said she's 'so very sorry' " Sirius batted his eyelashes mockingly, before deadpanning at me, "I will puke!" he threatened.

I laughed and shoved him in the ribs, "No! Actually I was thinking about the first time we were all heading on this train to Hogwarts."

"You had a terrible hair-cut, Padfoot" reminded Remus.

"Ahem. Says he, who sprouts hair every month!" said Sirius in an undertone so only the four of us could hear.

"Well said!" Peter and I said together.

"Touché" Remus agreed with a grin feeding another small bit of bacon to Archie. Being best friends, the knowledge of Remus' secret and the fact that we welcomed it made Remus relax completely even allowing to a bit of banter about it.  
I often called it his 'furry little problem'. He thought I was being patronizing.

"Can't believe we hexed someone on our first day!" said Peter in awe.

"Oi, self-defence isn't hexing!" Sirius insisted, as we boarded the train following a few other students, "It's not like we gave them warts after they passed out..." he said waving his wand and levitating all our luggage onto the train.

"Oh wait…" Sirius grinned and all of us laughed, quickly jumping aboard the train as the whistle blasted.

Inside we were greeted by many of our classmates, housemates and Quidditch team players as we proceeded along the crowded corridors to find our compartment.

There was already a drinking dare well under way between several seventh-years, two Hufflepuffs, a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin, in one of the compartments. I had to pull Sirius back as he began to step excitedly towards them.

"Don't even think about it!" Peter shook his head at Sirius, "Last time you were drunk on the ride to Hogwarts you drooled all over me, Padfoot!"

"Right… I guess I have to keep my wits about me tonight"

Sirius led the way down the corridors to our 'usual' compartment towards the end of the train. The trunks levitated above our heads as Sirius directed them. We tried to manoeuvre through the crowd which seemed simply content to stand about in the cramped corridors.

Halfway there we came to meet two of the Gryffindor team members who enthusiastically greeted us. Wade McGonagall then started chanting the infamous Gryffindor Quidditch war-cry of sorts which every Gryffindor in the vicinity soon joined in on.

" _Red, Red, Red and Gold,_

 _We brave the rain and the cold_

 _Rise like fire, move like wind_

 _Gryffindors will always win!"_

Celebrating the start of term with confectionaries and butterbeer we greeted most of our year in our search for our compartment. Everyone seemed excited to head back after their summer away from school and looked forward to the first Quidditch match, where Gryffindors would play Hufflepuffs. There seemed to be a general consensus that Gryffindor will flatten their opposition despite the fact that we hadn't even replaced the leavers on our team and try-outs were more than a week away.

 _I'll just have to live up to it I guess._

"Eurgh!" Sirius made a face at the couple snogging each other smack in the middle of the corridor. With a flick of his wand the two separated from each other and were flattened against each side of the corridor. I hurriedly took over the task of levitating the trunks as Sirius seemed to have momentarily forgotten.

 _"Thank you!_ " Sirius hissed at the younger girl with a little too much venom than necessary.

"Well that was harsh," I said following him past the couple, but they _were_ being inconsiderate.

"She was shamelessly chatting upto me last weekend at the Leaky Cauldron! How dare she snog some prick right in front of my face," Sirius said carelessly.

I rolled my eyes, "Heaven forbid!"

He turned and shot me a glare, "It could have been meaningful, Prongs!"

When he'd turned around he'd unwittingly found himself face-to- well, tits.

Camilla Cokeworth.

She was a tall leggy brunette with a fit body, the kind of girl that made boys wish they'd pleaded to be housed under Hufflepuff too. She knew it and did her best to emphasise it too.

At that moment, her perky tits were dangerously close to my oaf of a mate's nose so I kicked Sirius discreetly hoping he wouldn't face-plant himself on said strawberry creams. Camilla blushed furiously and excused herself sliding past us. Blushing was like a reflex for them when confronted with Sirius.

 _And he's grinning, the idiot._

I gave him a flat look, "You were saying?"

Remus laughed at us.

"Well that's me, isn't it?" Sirius said reaching our familiar compartment that was already occupied by two small boys inside. Unsorted first-years-to-be by the look of it.

"Your logic is impeccable, Padfoot!" Remus swatted the back of his head and entered the compartment greeting the younger boys cordially.

Sirius grinned standing at the doorway.

"Hello there!"

"Hi" the clearly nervous first years replied timidly.

"Which house you planning on joining then?"

"Ravenclaw" said the boy on the left nodding importantly

"Umm… Hufflepuff?" the other boy said, it sounded more like a question.

Sirius smiled and rubbed his hands together.  
"Well, that's fantastic," he stood aside clearing the doorway, "Now get out!"

The boys stared wide-eyed at him for a short second and then scrambled out as fast as they could.

"Must you be such a git?" Remus asked casually picking Archie up from his shoulder and settling down next to the window.

"Oh shut up, Motherhen" Sirius said levitating all our bags onto the luggage racks and throwing a small bar of chocolate at Remus.

"Oi, Wormtail, you coming?"

Peter hastily shook the hand of the girl he was chatting to and hauled himself over to us, waving at her once more before getting in.

"Hello boys!"  
Sirius and I turned to find another curvy girl leaning up to the doorway, this time a Gryffindor, a year above us.

She looked at Sirius her amber eyes glowing as she bobbed on the balls of her feat. I find this particularly entertaining to watch so I settled down opposite Remus breaking off a large chunk of the chocolate he offered.

"Hey…" Sirius said stretching the word to its limit.

 _Haha. He doesn't know her name.  
_  
She's waiting.

It's awkward. And it's funny.

Still nothing. Sirius smiling like an idiot.

Enjoying myself? Absolutely.

I coughed loudly and muttered "Lauren" in between.

"How are you, Lauren?" Sirius asked smoothly while I tired (and failed) to hide my grin.

"Heard you were single again!" she raised her eyebrows at him cutting straight to the point.  
 _  
Unbelievable._

"How d'you hear?" he asked leaning against the doorway too. The idiot is one smooth-talker I'll give him that.

"Good news travels fast" she flipped her ginger hair smiling wider.

"I'll bet"

"Anyway I thought I might catch up with you after the feast… I might be tired too…" their voices kept dropping to almost a whisper that I was involuntarily leaning to hear more till Remus subtly kicked me in the shin. "The Prefect's bathroom is the perfect way to have a swim and relax. Care to join?"

Again, wow.  
Mind you, this happens purely with Sirius. Nobody bothers extending such extravagant invitations to the rest of us while this sod is still alive.

Sirius looked down with a soft chuckle and peeked up at her through his hair with a lop-sided grin.

A note to the unwitting and unseasoned, this was his signature move to get a girl. With an almost unfailing success rate.

"I'm not a prefect" Sirius feigned a sigh.

"Never stopped you before," she winked and walked away.

"I love my life," Sirius said with a satisfied smirk that made both Remus and Peter roll their eyes.

"Really?" I asked with a nod in her direction.

"Waste not…" Sirius replied simply dropping into the empty space beside Remus.

"And what about Quinn?"

The smile slid off Sirius's face and he frowned at me, almost as if to say I should have known better than to bring it up.

"That's not exactly my fault is it?"

I watched him carefully. There were very few things that deeply affected Sirius; he didn't let too many things bother him. He liked to be carefree and did his best to steer clear of worry. But I could tell this was one of them that had reached past the wall he put up.

As the train sped north the city vanishing rapidly to be replaced by stretches of countryside, we entertained more visitors and passer-bys.

The rest of our fellow Gryffindor Quidditch team mates joined us for sandwiches and after some raucous debate about the favourites to win the Quidditch World Cup in Brazil, they took their leave.

We received a few favours of thanks from fellow students Remus and I had tutored during the past year including more chocolates, a collection of Dr Fillibuster's fireworks (always greatly appreciated) and a new set of Gobstones.

It's sort of strange that I enjoyed teaching Transfiguration. It was my pet subject, sure, but tutoring was more Remus's hobby, I never really had the patience for it. But I'd found that using funny examples to make others understand the complex themes behind the subject was entertaining.

"You're brilliant James, we got you these!" said Olga and Elena Vlassov or Ollie and Ellie as they liked to be called. They pulled out a box of chocolate frogs.

"You shouldn't have!"

 _Yes, you should._

"We should!"

 _Well…if you insist._

"Thanks!" I smiled. The petit Hufflepuff twins skipped off together.

"Do you ever wonder if they are share one brain?" I asked Sirius leaning against the compartment door as we watched them walk away hand in hand.

"Prongs, they're handsome birds," Sirius replied prodding at the box of chocolate frogs, "You'd be wise not to question beyond that. But anyway how come they bring you chocolates and if ever I help someone out of a tight spot all I get it 'Cheers, Black!'?"

"Life isn't fair is it?"

Sirius shook his head with a pout.

"Speaking of fair," Sirius threw a meaningful glance behind me and I followed his gaze, "Thy fair maiden approaches."

A clearly vexed Lily Evans stepped out of her compartment somewhat further up along corridor, wand held in one hand and looking up and down over the heads of the passing students.  
I swallowed automatically. I'd been planning what to say to her the next time we met for the last two weeks. But I knew with absolute certainty that when I opened my mouth to speak to her I would completely fuck up. I always do.  
 _Win for James Potter!_

"Mate, she looks like she's out for blood!" Sirius commented.

 _Mate, not helping._

"Good luck!" Sirius pulled the box of chocolates out of my hands and pushed me forward locking the compartment door behind me.

 _Git._

"Where's Prongs?"

"He's gone to chat-up Future Mrs Prongs,"

"Merlin have mercy on his soul…"

 _I have such supportive mates._

With a deep breath and an attitude that would prepare me for an incoming earth-shattering evil curse, I walked over to the already seemingly exasperated Lily Evans.

My hand slid nervously though my hair and then I remembered she hated that.

 _Fuck. This is definitely a recipe for disaster._  
 _So Legs, I ask you, why are you still walking towards her?  
_  
The students scattered and the corridor she was marching up emptied somewhat. It was just me and her. Her eyes widened as she spotted me. So far so good.

 _Right, James. Speak._

 _ **Lily**_

The corridor I was walking along now was still full of students who were chatting about meeting with friends. In my extremely irate state I almost wanted to use my Prefect powers to yell at them to move their arses out of the corridors. But I shall refrain, because I'm such a good person!

 _Ow!_ Someone stepped on my toe.

 _Ok. Forget this._

"OI! Prefect coming though!" I yelled, "Anyone left fannying about in this corridor in the next five seconds will cost their house points! And I'm taking names!"

Immediately the mob dispersed and the corridor emptied.

 _Holy Poo!_ _Is that Potter?_

Brilliant. This is why you should never abuse Prefect powers, it immediately comes back to bite you in the arse!

 _Dammit he's coming this way. Right._  
I held my wand tighter and tried to make myself look taller (although if he comes up to me I'd look like a midget trying to sniff at something!)

He came over to me and opened his mouth to talk.

 _I swear if he's here to rub it in my face he'll-_

No need for homicidal plans. The train gave a powerful lurch and both of us were thrown off balance. I instinctively reached for the rails on either side of the compartments and pushed my feet apart bracing myself (I say instinct, but really my body has learned after falling so many times on this bloody train.)

James- I mean- _Potter_ wasn't quick enough and he was thrown against the compartment beside him with his face hitting the board pushing his glasses askew and successfully shutting him up.

I wished it wasn't considered indecent to laugh openly at times like these.

He straightened up and pulled his glasses into place just as I managed to bite down my grin.

"Great legs," he said looking at my limbs with my feet still planted a good three feet apart.

"What?" I asked in a flat voice.

"Oh no, no!" Potter backtracked hurriedly shaking his head looking mortified, "I didn't mean it like that. I meant great for balance… you know sturdy!"

 _Sturdy. What am I, a horse?_  
"Right." I said absently.

"Not that they aren't great looking, they are!" He insisted making my eyes grow, "They're really great." James continued to shove the rest of his foot into his mouth.

 _Bleeding hell! I don't think I can take it anymore!_

"I'm going stop talking now!" he said his face turning a bright red.

"I think that's for the best!"

He didn't meet my eyes but looked down as I detangled myself from the railing and straightened my uniform.

"Looking for someone?" he asked with a cocky grin returning to his mouth as he eyed my wand, though he was still pink in the face.

Apparently he shakes things off pretty fast. If I were him I'd live under a rock for a week!

"You, actually!" I said.

"Oh?" His eyes shot back to mine looking afraid.

"Where is your so called best-friend?" I asked gritting my teeth as my sense of purpose returned.

"Oh Merlin!" he closed his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose, "What's he gone and done now?"

"He's hurt my friend, that's what! He's an incompetent arse and a soon-to-be dead-arse at that! Where is he!?" I thundered.

James stared at me for a long moment as if I was possessed. I might have looked the part.

"Umm… _she_ split with him." He said slowly.

 _What?_

"What?"

"You didn't know that?"

 _Well, this is awkward! Quinn is so very_ dead _!  
_  
"No… umm... I wasn't aware of that part," I mumbled to my shoes.

"Right," he sounded amused. Urrgh.

So that's twice I feel like an idiot in front of Potter. Fantastic start to the year, I must say.

Silence. He was staring at me, I was staring at my shoes. The awkwardness dragged on.

"Right... well, I should go!" I blurted abruptly.

"Lily…"

"Yes?"

"Was that it?"

"Was it what?"

"Was that all you wanted…from me?" he asked. His eyes were shining again. It did not bode well for me, those contraptions messed with my bearings.

They were darker today than when I was staring into them like a mesmerized fool in Diagon Alley, but still… they shone, the colour of good Cognac even as he faced away from the light.

I then came to the immediate realisation that this train of thought needed an abrupt and permanent end so I looked away.

"Of course it is!" I snapped somewhat viciously and stalked past him towards the back of the train.

I'd taken exactly six steps in that direction when I realised that my compartment was further up the train.

I stopped, huffed quietly and whipped around choosing to ignore Potter's entertained smirk as I marched past him. Just as I did however, I stopped.

 _He shouldn't be allowed to get away so easy._  
 _No sir. He does not get to act like a prick and then behave like he was victimised._  
 _'Was that all you wanted from me Lily?'_

 _Well up yours, Potter._

"No, you know what? No! That's _not_ it!" I turned around again. I felt a bit light-headed from all the spinning about.  
Potter however recoiled from me in fear.

"W-what's wrong?" he asked trying to regain his composure.

 _"I'm sorry Lily, we can't friends. I don't want to forgive you,"_ I imitated him in a heaving deep voice that made me sound like an asthmatic gorilla, "What are you three, Potter?" I asked scornfully.

He relaxed instantly and leaned casually against the wall of the compartment folding his arms over his chest. His smirk grew making his eyes twinkle.  
"Oh… _That_ ," he said acknowledging with a nod. He was actually grinning!

 _Damn you and your perfect teeth._

"Yes. _That._ "

"Well it's not like you meant it" he shrugged casually.

I spluttered, "What? Didn't mean it? Why would I- ? You think I enjoy handing out apologies? Of course I meant it!"

In retrospect though, at that moment I really didn't sound like I was trying to convince him I was sorry.

His face broke into a wide smile.

"Really?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you apologise? You've called me a lot of worse things before, why apologise now…?"

 _Alright, did not see_ that _coming._

"Because…"  
 _  
Definitely not prepared for this._

"You know what? Just let it be, this is utterly useless" I made to move past him but he leaned away from the compartment wall and blocked my path.

My eyes snapped up to his. He was staring resolutely into mine. I glared back undeterred.

"I really want to know," he said softly. We were close enough for me to hear it even over the rumbling of the train.

Before I could even think of what to say or how to say it, my mouth had opened and the confession begun.

"I say things carelessly sometimes. It's because you aggravate me and we both know I don't mean half of it. But I was upset that day, and not with you. What I said, I said out of contempt," – _gulp_ \- "but I meant it…" my breath came out in a soft gasp as the realisation of what I just said hit me…

He looked pained suddenly as if it surprised him to hear it as much as it did for me to say it. As if it actually affected him.

"I… I mean I meant it at the time, but I don't anymore…" I amended hurriedly looking up at him hoping that he'd see it in me and believe it.

I don't just say mean things to people. Sure I think it sometimes (but I don't mean it) and someone would argue that it's just as bad, but I was _not_ a bad person. This wouldn't be making me feel so _sick_ if I was.

James said nothing, but simply stared back at me with an unreadable expression, something close to… curiosity?

Not a single muscle twitched on his seemingly perfect young face as he watched me in silence. Silence which pulled me into a reverie…

My dream had been remarkably accurate, the same straight nose, the gentle curve of his lower lip, the sharp angle of his jaw… the eyes, eyes I'd never much observed before. They were warm honey-coloured at the centre spreading softly to the chestnut-brown edge. It was almost like- …

 _Hold the phone. What am I doing?_

 _Shit. Shit. Shit!_

I blinked. It seemed to break both our hold on each other. He blinked too but still continued to stare at me.

"I don't wish you didn't exist!" I reiterated.

 _Really Lily, just shut up already!_

"I just said that because at that time I wanted to believe that you were the reason… Sev- Snape… became who he is." I swallowed, "You're not… No one is. No one except him."

 _Now all you need to do is to tell him how amazing you think his eyes are and your work here is done. Idiot._

He still said nothing. _Awkward._  
I waited, hoping he'd smile, hoping that cocky grin would come back, hoping he'd say that it was ok… that he forgave me.

He didn't.

The train gave another horrible rattle and this time I lost my balance and was thrown forward. You remember what was forward right?

Good.

Several things registered in my brain in lighting fast succession.

My knees hit his as mine buckled.

His warm breath gushed into my face in surprise as I collided into him.

Strong hands held my waist securely pulling me up against him.

I felt his belt buckle gnaw into my stomach through my shirt.

My elbow rested in the crook of his arm.

I had a fistful of his shirt clenched in my hand.

My eyes never left his…

And there it was. The smile I'd been waiting for to grant me relief.

I gulped nervously. There had to be a line I was crossing here. This wasn't right…

He pulled me closer to him. I let out a pathetic whimper that only made his smile stretch. He leaned forward…

 _Oooooh no… No. No!_

It was like my eyes were glued to his. I couldn't look away. He brushed past my cheek and chuckled quietly in my ear.  
"You've convinced me. I believe you."

 _Well FINALLY!_

"BLOODY HELL!"

Both of us turned sharply. What could be worse than this, you may wonder.  
It's a third year who stepped out of her compartment and saw all of it!

I shoved James- umm- _Potter_ roughly off me with a mighty push as the third-year gave a squeal and disappeared back into her compartment.

"Fantastic!" I gestured in her general direction. This would be trouble.

My head was still swirling. Possibly, the adrenaline gush from the almost-fall. I pulled on my shirt and straightened my skirt with my back to him.  
When I turned around he was smirking.

The idiot was _smirking_ at me.

I shook my head loathingly my whole face darkening in anger and decided he wasn't even worth my time.

"Don't!" I threatened as he made to open his mouth and walked right past him, stomping murderously up the corridor.

"Oh come on, Evans!" He laughed openly. "I think we just had a moment!"

"Piss off, Potter!" I snarled as I reached my compartment, shoving the door open roughly and walked in.

And so it begins.

 _ **A/N: So Lily… You may have noticed she has a bit of a potty-mouth. I like this side of her because I was a bit tired of Goody-two-shoes Lilys. My imagining of her is different. I think she had her wits about her and a glossary of bad language to back her threats.**_

 _ **As always reviews are highly appreciated and worth ten times their weight in goblin gold.**_


	5. Chapter 5: The Welcoming

_**Chapter 5: The Welcoming**_

 _ **Lily**_

I slammed the door shut so hard the glass nearly shattered, before turning around still fuming. I hated the fact that Potter could so easily get under my skin seemingly without even trying!

"So...How did it go?" asked Edith, trying very hard not to grin.

I, however, rounded on Quinn.

" _YOU_ broke up with _HIM?_ " I asked her in unfathomable anger.

Quinn flinched and shrank into her skin, her eyes looking very guilty.

"Umm..." her uncanny quivering voice said. Mind you, I could be very intimidating when I wished to.

" _What?_ " echoed the other three in exclamation.

"It didn't happen like that!" wailed Quinn. She looked more like her proper self now sans the racoon-eyed makeup forgiving her reddened eyes, slightly blotchy cheeks and cropped hair.

"Quinn! I can't believe you let me go out there and nearly beat up Sirius Black!" I said crossly, "He might've been worse off for all I'd known!"

"Well he didn't look it..." said Mary earing dirty looks from the rest of us.

"Luckily, Potter was the only one I made a fool of myself in front of. Again." I shook my head dismally.

"That sounds interesting," Edith prompted with a smug smile but I ignored her.

"What happened Quinn? Tell us the whole story," Cait encouraged Quinn in a softer voice.

Quinn and Sirius had been on again off again relationship since its ill-fated beginning. They didn't really get along with each other up until fourthyear. Then, a Marauder prank, a broom closet and some sort of dare was involved and - _BAM_ \- they were snogging each other around every other secluded corner.

None of us understood them together. After all, Sirius Black rarely ever had girlfriends. He did flirt - _a lot_ \- and many girls fancied him so he was never low on options but he rarely ever committed to a girl long term. So naturally, we were rather worried about Quinn. She, however, insisted we give him a chance. What were we supposed to do?

In retrospect though, I actually thought he liked her. He was affectionate and engaged with her (mind you this is the girl whose skirt he once set fire to! Accidentally, but still.) They did argue and fight over stupid little things and often too. They played childish games with each other and tried to make the other jealous but their time apart didn't last long and they got back together quickly developing a rather tiresome pattern. Over time we thought of them as that sort of couple: they break up and make-up but never fall apart.

Quinn never cried over boys, she hardly ever cried for anything. In that regard, she was starkly unlike myself. I could hardly ever have a proper conversation without my eyes stinging and having to dash away. _Pathetic_.

Guilt, anger, love, heartbreak, joy, pain, it seemed all the emotions I could feel were wired directly to my tear ducts. Quinn _especially_ didn't cry over Black, because (I supposed) she knew it was never truly over between them. So it startled us all to see tear tracks on her face even as she wiped them off hastily and tried very hard to swallow it all down.

 _Was it love? Had she fallen for him?_

My mind wandered as I watched Quinn's short hair (now back to her usual blonde) hover awkwardly buoyant about her face without the usual weight to tame its movement.

 _Was it love?_ I questioned subconsciously again. If so this was surprising and dangerous. Love is an outlandish thing for Quinn, who didn't believe in it because her parents married for love and then 'fell out' of it. So it was peculiar to have her admit to feeling something she vehemently ignored as fantasy.

My mind reeled spinning one imaginary tale after another. I imagined uncharacteristically romantic Quinn confessing to rude and unemotional Black on a personified bridge under the dramatic light of a seemingly everlasting sunset. But even without the ridiculous theatrics of my novel-indulgent mind, if a realistic variation of those events had happened I feared it to be a big mistake.

Because if there was someone less inclined to fall in love than Quinn, it was Sirius.

I looked helplessly at Quinn while she stared vehemently out the window. Edith had done a good job getting Quinn to look like herself physically. Her maroon buttoned top with the lace-edged white collar added a pop of colour and went well with her new short hair. Her hands were balled around a handkerchief in her lap. It was dry, but I supposed Quinn appreciated the sentiment. She looked like she was aching inside and it hurt me to sit there and not be able to help her.

Cait tried to give Quinn a hug but after tolerating it for a minute Quinn politely shrugged away. I knew Quinn and when she faced a wall she wanted to be left alone to deal with it. So I sat quietly curbing my need to be a caring friend and thinking of what she wanted and how I could help. It was then that I caught myself wishing something I'd never wished for before.

I wished we weren't heading to Hogwarts where Sirius would be around every corner of the castle which then would certainly seem too small a place to live. I wished we were speeding away.

By the time the lunch trolley rolled around Edith and Mary and finished two rounds of Exploding Snap, Cait had finished the last few chapters of her new book and Quinn had fallen asleep against the window.

We bought a lot more than our usual loot from the trolley and proceeded to eat through them for the rest of the journey. Quinn joined us looking less distraught and more determined to feel better. I loved that quality about Quinn that I didn't have, the ability to not give into emotional turmoil. I, on the other end of the spectrum, could be found bawling my eyes out at two in the morning for a character in a novel who'd met an untimely death.

As the train headed north, the greenery outside thickened and the golden burnish of the setting sun gave way to more subtle colours of the infringing night and Quinn began to tell us what had happened in her own time.

The tale was short and void of the great deal of drama my head had concocted but the facts remained somewhat comparable.

"You. Broke up. With Sirius Black. Over the phone?" Mary paused questioning each of the facts.

"I'm now understanding the drastic change in appearance but you'll have to do better at disguising yourself Quinny" Edith commented.

"Not helping!" I hissed glaring at them.

****  
Hours of consoling, boy-bashing and stuffing our faces with food and we were finally getting close.

Hogwarts had always been my second home. Over time its hold on me had grown. Tuney had made my actual home less and less welcoming and Severus and I had become close friends and Hogwarts our sanctuary.

When I was leaving Platform 9 ¾ for the first time as a child I'd been scared and fearful about it and Severus had talked me through the entire train ride, the boat ride across the lake, and the Sorting . I'd experienced nearly all my 'firsts' of the magical world with him standing right beside me.

So it was natural, I supposed, that there was a soft flop in my stomach now as I thought of Hogwarts and realised that Severus was no longer by my side.

"Oi snap out of it, Evans!" Edith called out to me as I watched the darkening moors fly past the window.

"What?" I asked pulling out of my reverie.

"Your turn Lily," Cait said politely smiling at my bemused expression. She held up her exploding snap cards for clarification.

"Oh right," I glanced at my cards. "Pass"

The game ended spectacularly after several rounds when Mary's cards exploded loudly singing her eyebrows and baby-hairs just as she was about to announce a winning hand. Had us all in stitches that one! Soon enough we had reached Hogsmeade station apparently bringing the storm with us.

We changed into our Hogwarts uniforms and wrapped ourselves up in our cloaks just as the train pulled into the station. A huge crowd was mulling around the corridors and the older prefects were shouting at them to back away from the doors. Finally, the doors opened and we could see the heavy rain splattering the platform. With loud groans and much cursing, all the students made a mad dash toward the carriages which were quickly filling up.

"Fantastic! I was so looking forward to having a mud-bath before dinner," said Edith next to me as we both ran under a large umbrella to the station to catch a carriage.

Mary joined us pulling at her yellow raincoat and rolled her eyes at Edith, "Remind me next time to lock your sarcasm in your trunk!" she yelled over the rain.

"Where's Quinn?" I called back.

Just then Quinn and Cait appeared under another huge umbrella. Despite the protection, we were all still wet waist-downwards and already splattered with mud.

"Let's get a carriage quickly! There're filling up!" Quinn said standing up on her toes. There were large groups of students lined up along the platform beside the carriages and the ones that were full were leaving already.

"This one's free! Come on!" Mary yelled opening a carriage-door. We all rushed over to her but so did two third-year boys.

"Oi! Back off! This one's taken!" Mary said shoving off the boys as they made to move past her into the carriage. We couldn't help but laugh at their terrified looks as we climbed in. Once settled we began to dry off our clothes.

Finally the carriage gave a small jolt and began to move.

"Bloody Scotland and its bloody rain! Seriously!" Mary complained loudly pulling off her shoes roughly and drying her wet socks with magic.

"It could be _so much_ worse!" said Quinn next to her checking her watch, "Remember that time we had to sit in the-" but she was cut off by a loud wail coming from outside.

"WAAAAAAIIT! HOLD ON!" a pair of small chubby hands grabbed on to the carriage door and we lurched to a sudden stop.

There was a loud burst of laughter from the other side.  
"So when you said you had a plan, _that's_ what you meant?" the voice asked amid his laughter.

We all froze suddenly as we recognised the voice, but none more horrified than Quinn, whose eyes seem to draw out of their sockets.

"Well, I got it to stop, didn't I?" the carriage door opened, and a round faced boy with a pointed nose and wet mousy hair plastered to his head appeared at the doorway.

"Alright there, girls? Mind if we join?" Peter Pettigrew asked squinting against the heavy rain. Before Quinn could give a coherent reply he'd turned over his shoulder.

"Hurry up, Padfoot!" he yelled.

"Err..." Mary leaned over to Quinn with a deadpan look, "you were saying?"

" _Shut. Up._ "

An EXTREMELY awkward twelve minutes thirty-five seconds later (I'd been staring at my watch the entire time) we arrived at the Hogwarts front doors and quickly hurried into the entrance hall. I simply stood there as people getting out of the carts rushed past me into the Great Hall.

Closing my eyes I breathed in slowly. I was home. Only then did I feel complete.

"Come _on_!" Quinn dragged me pleadingly inside and I jogged alongside her trying to keep up. She and Edith pushed the Great Hall doors open and I followed in.

"Lily!" I turned around and saw Austin Bradbury jogging up to me. My stomach gave a pleasurable squirm. I'd had an unrelenting crush on him since third year. Fellow red-head, who knew what it was like to stick out awkwardly like a sore thumb, except he was gorgeous of course. All blue eyes, bright smiles and dimples. And quite the gentleman too. I had hoped he was head-boy this year, but the Prefect badge still shone on his robes as always.

"Austin! Good summer?" I said a little breathlessly.

"How are you?" he said at the same time. We both broke into a grin at that at which point Quinn gave up trying to persuade me to the tables and made her way there alone with the girls.

"Good! Great..." I tucked a stray lock of my sure to be messy weather-beaten hair behind my ear. "How about you... didn't you go to Venice or something?"

He blushed, "Yes! It was grand. Definitely a lot of fun!"

With an internal sigh, I wondered why in the world I haven't shared a carriage ride to school with Austin Bradbury in all my years at Hogwarts.

"Lily?"

"Yes?" I snapped out of my fantasy.

"I just said I hope your OWLs went well,"

"Oh yes! Yes, very well. Thank you so much for all the notes you gave me last year! Really helped,"

 _Well, Potter helped too._

 _Yes Conscience, what a great time for you to bring that up!_  
 _But he behaved like an arsehole afterwards so Potter's uncanny act of kindness doesn't really count, does it?  
_  
"It was nothing," he smiled again showing those irresistible dimples, "I'm really glad you did well! I hope Severus wasn't too upset I advised you against studying from Moste Potente Potions, that's more for Masters rather than OWLs" he laughed but suddenly my mind pulled away from Austin.

 _Damn._

The memory of Severus still hurt me. It shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, the feeling you get when you suddenly miss a step. I turned away from Austin and scanned the hall, the seats were filling in quickly. As hard as it was to admit and try as I might to push the thought away, I missed him. I missed Sev very much.

"Lily? Everything ok?" asked Austin.

"Yeah!" I said turning back to him with fake chipper-ness, "I should go... I'll see you around then?"

"Of course!" he chuckled and waved me off.

I headed into the great hall, the gloom of Severus's absence ebbing away slowly as I made my way to the Gryffinfor table finding a saved seat between Quinn and Edith.

"How's Lover-boy?" Mary smirked at me twirling a finger through a blonde curl.

"What? That's horrid! Don't call him that!"

"Ooh, defensive already!" Cait snickered. I gave them both a dark look.

"We were just talking," I said quietly.

Edith dropped the fork she was balancing on her glass, "Give it up Evans, you're as pink as a baboon's bottom!"

Mary and Cait snorted. Quinn was too preoccupied trying to hide behind me to avoid Sirius's direct line of vision.

"He has a girlfriend," I told them only half hiding my jealousy.

"Yes, you sound completely platonic about that!"

"Quiet please!" Professor Flitwick stood up on his seat at the staff table, "The Sorting Ceremony is about to begin,"

Finally, the most interesting part of the day.

 _ **James**_

Speeches.

Without a doubt the most boring formality on the planet! Truly, I can most definitely feel my brain cells dying in protest.I let my head rest on my hand as I contemplated banging it on the table in an attempt to stay awake.

Professor Sydney Algernon Dumas, our new DADA teacher, I could tell, was a self-obsessed book-dependant moron. It was clear by the first fifteen minutes of his speech that he'd never slain so much as a Flobberworm in his life let alone the collection of dark creatures so described in his books.

"When is this poof going stop talking?!" Sirius muttered irritably next to me voicing my thoughts.

I shook my head and shrugged to show my boredom.  
"We might be here all night!" I murmured back.

My eyes wandered across the table and fell on Evans. I had to bite down to stop myself from grinning. We definitely had a moment on the train. I could feel her trembling in my arms as I'd held her. It made my heart race in exhilaration. Things seem to have changed between us, and I intended to pursue to see just how much. She is quite a girl.

I guess it wouldn't be wrong to say I liked Miss Evans from the start. She's pretty, considerate (Not to me, but still) she looks insanely adorable when she's angry and narrows her eyes at you. She does crazy things when she's angry, like that time she started yelling at me about animal rights when I made Parker 'Porkie' Platts regurgitate slugs.

 _"I'm confused, whose rights are we talking about here, the pig's or the slug's?"_

 _"Urrgh! You arrogant bat!"_

Can you believe it? She called me a bat! An arrogant bat! Who says that?

She made it too easy. Lily Evans has this idea (no doubt an idea seeded in her by one loathsome Snivellus) that I was put on this planet for the sole purpose of making her life miserable and that I'm responsible for anything that goes wrong in my general vicinity.  
I usually am, but that's not the point. She simply refused to see any good in me!  
As I've said before, most of the time she wishes I'd spontaneously combust.

And me? Well, to be honest, she's been floating around somewhere in my head since third-year. What's a lad to do?

I watched from across the table as her eyes wandered, no longer able to watch boring old What's-His-Face drone on. She sighed slowly and rolled her head onto her shoulder letting her red hair fall over in a soft curtain around her. At that moment her green eyes waltzed absently over Remus and latched onto mine.

It took a millisecond for her to realise it. Instantly a brilliant blush coloured her cheeks making me smile. She clenched her jaw and straightened up, her eyes swiftly darting back to the stage.  
I grinned wider at her unease and kept watching her boldly.

 _Come on Lily... we both know there's more to this than you let on, isn't there...?_

 _I see it in your eyes. The contempt you once had for me is gone... instead, I see doubt. What are you wondering...?_

 _Look at me..._

Sirius shifted uneasily next to me. She must have been watching out of the corner of her eye because she mistook the movement and thought it was me. In a split second Lily Evan's reflexes gave her away and her eyes dashed quickly back to me.  
I couldn't help but smirk as our eyes met again. She blushed furiously this time and looked down hastily taking a sip from her goblet.

Making her uneasy was a delightful sport of mine, especially because I rarely succeeded since she usually ignores me. But, I have a feeling that will soon change...

She looked lovely of course, chewing nervously on her lower lip and pretending to listen to the moron on stage. She has these beautiful pink lips I always imagine must be soft as silk. I will have to snog her sometime and find out.

She will quite rightly slap me in return but hell, it would be worth it.

The game of pretending to not pay attention to someone is always fun. She's trying to look interested in the speech, but her eyes are glassy as she's watching me out of the corner of her eye. Her mind is reeling. I stubbornly keep looking at her. She gets even more nervous, her eyelids flutter, she chews on her lip some more, her nail scratches on the wooden table. Learning that you can have that effect on a girl you've always fancied... well there's nothing quite like it.

I truly don't know when this happened; when the rest of the female population just merged together and I became more interested in Lily Evans.

A while ago she was just one of the herd. An odd, a muggle-born fascinated with floating candles and moving portraits, an eager -maybe a tad overenthusiastic- student and of course, friends with Snivellus, the prick who was always looking to get us in detention.  
She was a nerd through and through, loved books and swore by them and she didn't really enjoy practical jokes back then, especially ones that involved a nifty charm that flushed her best mate down the toilet.  
Don't look at me, Padfoot came up with it. But I thought it was hilarious!

Anyway, Third-year rolled around and it seemed half the student population had morphed into completely new beings. Girls had breasts, their skirts got shorter, blouses got tighter and they wore heels, lip gloss, nail polish. I mean, _Merlin have mercy!_

We just changed our toothbrush and bought new underwear! That's it!

So I guess that was pretty much when I started noticing Lily Evans in a whole new light. Her eyes, her laugh, her lips. And that hair! Who knew I had a thing for red-heads? You'd think I'd get over it but I don't why I never gave up on her.

I'm realising now, it's very hard to describe this sort of attraction without coming across as a voyeuristic creep! Believe me, I'm not!

Let's just say, Lily made me feel this sort of warmth inside. Like... like home. I don't know how else to describe it.

Of course, it's easy to fancy a seemingly perfect girl like her, and I wasn't the only one. But I _was_ the only one she determinedly loathed. Any other bloke would back off. But me? No, I just keep going even after nearly three years of rejection.

'Why' you ask? Well, because where people have supportive friends, I've got three idiots, who have somehow convinced me that this is just unspoken attraction on her part. In other words: we've got _passion_!

 _Lily: "Potter, I wish you were a codfish so I could throw you in the lake and know that the Giant Squid would have digested you by morning!"_

 _The three idiots: "She wants you!"_

"Where _are_ they?" Sirius hissed impatiently again, "This was supposed to be the fun part!"

It was that time of the year when we remind everyone why we call ourselves The Marauders. I checked my watch.  
"Soon."

And as the word left me I heard it, a distinct rustling high above in the rafters. There was a soft hum like a storm brewing in the distance. Several sharp-eared students began to look around distracted, others followed their eyes.  
It was hard to see them in the deep-blue velvet of the night sky reflected in the Great Hall ceiling, but they were there. As more and more students began to notice the disturbance, a faint whisper ran across the hall puncturing the bored silence and soon people were craning their necks trying figure out what was happening.

"What is it?" Kyle Matthews asked his neighbour curiously.

"I don't know, I can't see..."

Most of the students were now distracted and looking at the high ceilings causing the boring Professor to falter in his speech and the other professors to look around curiously too. And then without warning, they came swooping down upon us.

"Owls? But... we never get mail at the feast!"

Remus and I exchanged a grin.  
The four of us had spent an entire summer together inventing the best ammunition for this prank. Eggs. Not just any eggs, eggs filled with paint!

Hundreds of owls swirled around over us each carrying an egg. And then it began, the owls simultaneously began to drop their deliveries upon the students. As the first few eggs began to hit the student body below, everyone began to scream.  
It was suddenly raining paint-filled eggs.

The eggs hit the students sitting duck below and splattered them instantly in vibrant colours.

"It's paint!" someone yelled observantly.

As I watched, a bright purple egg hit Edith smack on the head and cracked. Purple paint poured out flowing thickly over her brown hair. She fingered it suspiciously and then laughed proceeding to dab some on her neighbour, Mary.  
Remus and I were hit simultaneously in the face with lime green and lemon yellow respectively. I had to wipe the paint my glasses using my fingers as wipers.

Soon the students were screaming and clambering out of the seats. Some students and even teachers were holding up their plates as shields, all dignity forgotten. Sirius and Peter covered in a mixture of blue, orange and neon-pink were gathering up intact paint-eggs from goblets nearby and throwing them at the few students still saved of splattering.

I laughed as I caught Quinn and Lily both shrieking profanities having just been splattered in red and yellow paint. Very Gryffindor! Just then another large green egg was dropped on them which momentarily silenced the duo out of pure shock as the green paint dripped purposefully over their faces.

Everyone had now given up on trying to save themselves and instead a war broke out with people gleefully throwing the un-cracked eggs at each other. Some even attempted getting their revenge by aiming a few back at the owls. As chaos broke out, the cherry on top of the cake, Peeves joined us armed with water balloons.  
It was total anarchy, just how I liked it.

The troublemakers were delighted, the rule-bound were offended, the professors were disappointed and the rest were confused about whether they should laugh or cry. I for one laughed a lot!

Luke and Leo, fellow Gryffindor's, were covered in large splotches of black and white and looked like weird Dalmatians. Peter had a large patch of green on one side of his face while Cait's whole head was bright blue. Beatrice was screaming non-stop with pink hair and a yellow nose. Lily and Quinn still hadn't stopped shrieking (at this point they were scaring off the owls). Mary and Edith gleefully waged paint-war against Remus and I resulting in all of us splattered with blue, violet and pink and orange.  
I looked at the professors, some seemed angry ( .Cough), others annoyed, some trying to hide their amusement. In the middle of it though was Dumbledore, smiling serenely as if he was watching the Royal Ballet, decorated with a bright purple beard.

Remus put his arm around me and pulled me towards him.  
"Peter and I thought we should take credit for the chaos!" said Remus loudly over the commotion.

"What?"

"UN-BELIEVABLE!" yelled Lily Evan's exasperated voice. I turned to her sharply and noticed she was staring at the house banners that hung around the Great Hall. I looked up to find them all unrecognizably splashed with every colour of paint under the sun. But amid the paint a clear sign stood out on each of the banners: a large purple 'M' inscribed in a circle.  
I smiled at it and then turned to find Lily glaring murderously at me. Really, that only made me grin more.

"Like it?" asked Peter.

"Love it!" Sirius and I said together.

****  
Of course, the entire school will hate us today, but they'll appreciate the joke tomorrow, especially when the staff show up to class with paint stains that proved difficult to get rid of.

Finally, McGonagall took matters into her own hands and vanished the remaining eggs falling out of the sky and proceeded to save the new gormless DADA professor from two terrorizing owls. Then we were all given a lecture of improper conduct and dismissed.

I trudged up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower behind Sirius and Peter while the girls walked beside us. Edith was walking beside me, both of us joking and laughing about Andrew West and Florence Abigail who broke up over an argument about who looked worst covered in paint. Lily suddenly stepped forward and pushed Edith aside.

"It was you wasn't it?" Lily asked accusingly of me.

"I am a lot of things Evans, you must be specific." I replied with a grin trying not to laugh at her head-to-toe paint job in muggle traffic light colours.

Her green eyes flashed angrily on her literally red face. I grinned wider.

"The paint, you imbecile. It was you wasn't it?"

"Why would you assume that?" I asked innocently. Sirius laughed and I elbowed him in the ribs.

"'M'? That's you lot isn't it?"

"It could be Moriarty!" I said mysteriously. More laughs from the crowd.

"Please! You think it impresses me that you know Sherlock Holmes? Frankly, you should be shot if you didn't!"

" _I_ don't know it!" piped Peter. Remus shook his head dismally.

Lily didn't even spare him a look as she continued to stare daggers at me.

"And yes, it was us. Obviously, 'cos we're the Ma-err- the Mischievous?!" Peter announced cheerfully.

I closed my eyes, giving up.

"Peter, remember what we talked about?" Remus asked quietly.

"Sorry"

" _The Mischievous?_ " Quinn spoke up for the first time, "Honestly, what does that even mean?"

"It means we love to pillage and plunder, milady," Peter said boastfully

"Peter!" Sirius, Remus and I said sharply.

"Sorry! I can't control it!" Peter apologised shrinking to make himself appear smaller.

"What are you, pirates?" Lily snapped pushing her paint-congealed hair out of her eyes. I could tell she was angry and looking for a fight.

It would be easy. I rarely let it go when we had an argument. That was just me, it took very little to rattle me. Lily and I frequently fought about something or the other.  
She was just a hair away from it now. She'd blame me... the anger and the spite will help her push away the doubt.  
Whatever she is feeling about me right now, whether its confusion or maybe hesitation... she will use this to convince herself she made a mistake.  
She will use this fight to push me away.

I watched her bright unblinking eyes staring straight at me.

 _I'm not going to make it that easy for you, Lily. Not this time._

"It was a joke, alright?" I said in a quiet voice. Edith, Quinn and Mary looked to Lily for a reaction.  
Her fists balled up angrily.

" _Everything_ is a joke with you!" she spat her green eyes on fire. We had stopped a few steps below the Common room entrance with a crowd forming in front of the portrait hole.

"Do you see this?" she held up a fistful of her multi-coloured hair. "Do you know how long it will take to get all of this rubbish out of my hair?"

I rolled my eyes. _Hate it when she's such a killjoy.  
_  
I sighed loudly and pulled a small bottle filled with dark green liquid out of my pocket.  
"Here," I tossed it to her and she caught it by reflex. "A few drops will take care of it".

"Oh, sure! I'm supposed to trust the idiot who just made me look like an ice cream cone. You'd love it if I went bald wouldn't you, Potter?"

Like I said, she was still looking for a fight.

"Yeah, it's what I dream about at night!" I said sarcastically. Sirius, Edith and Mary chortled earning them some scathing looks.

"That's not all he dreams ab- OW!" Sirius clutched his side painfully mid-sentence as I elbowed him hard in the ribs again.

"Look," I said solemnly turning back to Lily, "Use it, don't use it, do whatever you want. I mean, my opinions are pretty much _non-existent_ in your mind right?"

 _Well, so much for not letting her get to me._  
Her jaw dropped open and her eyes widened. I knew right then I'd crossed the line so I bit down on my tongue to stop myself from saying anything else.

She opened her mouth to say something but then decided against it.  
"What's the bloody hold-up?" She barked instead at the people crowding around the portrait hole.

"No one knows the password!" some yelled down the stairs.

"GINGERROOT!" Lily and Remus yelled back.

 _ **Lily**_

BLOODY POTTER. I should have known.

 _You should have known, Lily._

How dare he bring that up again!

 _'You've convinced me. I believe you'_

Tosh. Errgh! I couldn't believe I fell for his fake sincerity. How pathetic!

I was the last to go to the bathroom. Once everyone else had used Potter's potion (Edith bravely being the first) and gotten rid of the paint with seemingly no immediate side-effects I decided to follow and use the remaining bit of potion and clean myself off the thick layers of paint sticking to my hair.

Besides if there were any unattractive side effects by morning I'd have an excuse to kill James Potter. Win-Win.

I opened the shower and let the steaming hot water wet my hair. The caustic smell of the paint was nauseating but I was suddenly distracted by the rainbow coloured river flowing over my toes into the drain. As I watched fascinated, the colours merged together creating new ones.

 _Ok, alright!_ So maybe the prank was _slightly_ amusing. Still! _This is just torture!_ The paint clung to my hair making thick matted locks out of it.

I finally stepped onto the carpet and picked up the potion Potter had given me earlier. There were only a few drops of liquid left at the bottom. I opened the bottle and smelled it suspiciously. It smelled like cough syrup,or at least that was the first thing that came to mind. I emptied it onto my palm then ran it through my hair with my fingertips. Suddenly I felt a warmth in my hair. I slid my hands through it detangling it and I could feel the paint slide off my hair as if it had no hold on it.

Five minutes later I stepped out of the shower with silky smooth hair and a grudging admiration for the boys' invention. I wished my stupid D.I.Y charms book had taught me something similar.

When I came into the room everyone else was sleeping with the lamps turned off. I dumped my wet towel into the laundry basket and pulled on a pair of flannel pyjamas. My hair was still damp and I knew I'd get a cold if I left it like that. I would have dried it with my wand but I usually saved that for emergencies since it made my hair puff up with static.

There was a door next to the bathroom that led to a common corridor we shared with the boys' dormitories. There were only two things at the centre of the corridor: A linen cabinet and a first-aid box.

I pressed my hand against the door and it opened immediately. The door had no handles or doorknobs so I suspected it just opened by touch, (probably another way to keep unwanted visitors away from the girls' dorms). The narrow corridor was lined on one side by three windows that looked out to the night, on the other side was a long stone balustrade overlooking the common room.  
I walked over to the linen cabinet midway along the corridor immediately wishing I'd worn my bed slippers as my toes began to freeze against the cold stone. The fresh towels were stacked at the bottom of the linen closet. I carefully pulled one out of the stack and straightened up.

"Ow!" I exclaimed as I nearly cracked my head open against the top edge of the cabinet. Dazed I stumbled back and hit something.

"Careful," A quiet voice said in my ear as a pair of hands caught me and steadied me. I gulped suddenly.

"You know we really should stop meeting like this," his mouth was close to my ear. Too close. I could feel his breath in my hair. My skin tingled where his arms brushed against mine. It caught me by surprise.

All I could think about was that stupid dream I'd had a million hours ago. His voice was frighteningly similar to the murmur I remembered from the dream.

My stillness seemed to worry him.  
"Are you alright?" James asked me again with that quiet whisper of a voice that I'd never actually heard him use before.

I shrugged away from him quickly. I didn't like his disregard for my personal space and certainly didn't like my weird response to him being so close.  
"Yeah, fine!" I said clenching my jaw.

James let his hands fall to his sides. "Sorry," he said.

My eyes snapped up to his noticing his voice had changed. His eyes were hard as I looked at him. He seemed annoyed and looked like he wanted to say something mean but was holding it back. He finally shook his head and opened the linen closet again pulling out two towels for himself.

I sighed loudly. He ignored me.

"Look, err... I'm sorry. It's been a long day. Thanks for catching me." I said shortly. I was too flustered for sincere politeness.

"Right," he replied tersely still searching the cupboard. I couldn't make out his expression hidden behind the open door of the closet.

 _Walk away Lily, walk away._

My conscience knows me well. I was now feeling bad and dangerously close to saying something stupid.  
"Thanks for the potion too. It worked!"

"Hallelujah," James replied flatly.

That was it. Despite my head screaming at me to walk away, I did the exact opposite. I walked up to him with a determined stride, pushed my hand firmly against the cupboard door closing it. James turned to me slowly and raised an eyebrow.

I was angry and nervous and regretful. And I could see him reading all of it in my eyes.

"Look, I've apologised _twice_. Sincerely. I am _not_ doing it again. I'm done making a fool of myself." I said firmly and whipped around.

"Wait..." James said quickly his roughness melting away instantly, " _I'm_ sorry..."

I knew he was apologising for his earlier dig. I turned back to him. Something about him, the way he looked at me told me I should accept it. Against my better judgement, I chose to believe he was truly sorry this time.

I nodded. "Yes, I should hope so. That was low, even for you!"

He looked back at me and his eyes were bright hazel. My stomach flipped over as I was dragged back to that profaned dream once more. I expected him to say it would never happen again but he just stood there, staring at me with those eyes.

"Well?" I prompted.

His eyebrow arched questioningly, "What?"

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Errr... you smell great!"

My jaw dropped open. _Dear sweet Merlin!_


	6. Chapter 6: The Pack

_**Chapter 6: The Pack**_

 _ **A/N: Thank you for continuing to read! I'm currently updating the old chapters and halfway through writing the new one.**_

 _ **Mary**_

Piece of advice: if you plan to sit in a boring class and not pay attention, _this_ right here is the best seat.

You want to pick a seat towards the back but not so far back that the teachers feel compelled to shoot questions at you to make sure you're alive.  
Equally important, pick a seat next to someone who wouldn't snore obnoxiously while sleeping in class (ahem, Peter). Edith and I always sit together right here, which to reiterate, are the best seats in class.

Peter happened then to be seated in front of me sleeping blissfully with his head on the desk, his snores making the quill tilt away on his inkwell. I shook my head hiding my smile. He's rather adorable with his round face and childish smile. Peter's been putting on a bit since he started at Hogwarts probably thanks to the excellent cooking Hogwarts provided, but personally, I think it suits him. And I myself know the woes of being on a diet in a place that serves an endless supply of delicious food three times a day!

Next to him was Remus. While they are both clearly bored out of their skulls Remus is actually taking notes amid a few yawns. Of course you can't see them from the back of his head but the boy has the most gorgeous forget-me-not-blue eyes.  
Alright! I'll admit it. I'm a closeted writer, I notice these things about people! Don't judge me.  
Remus's eyes are such a perfect colour, I could write a bloody sonnet about it right here in the middle of Herbology.

Moving on… Sirius, on the bench next to Remus, is clearly just as bored. He's abandoned all pretence of being interested in the class and has resorted to making paper planes out of torn pieces of parchment. As I watched, Sirius prodded one with his wand and it began to hover inches off his desk. A millisecond later (while Professor Sprout was drawing a large flower on the board) the paper plane took off his desk with a puff of smoke and shot straight into Kimberly Adams' perfectly done up hair.

In a bored class, filled with bored people, _this_ was an act of war.

Kimberly Adams gritted her teeth in anger causing James and Sirius to snicker. Following their gaze Lily turned to look at the distraction ahead and then rolled her eyes at the boys.

"First day of school!" I heard her mutter furiously under breath to Quinn seated beside her, "Can't they just go _one_ day without triggering a riot?"

Ahh, typical. Lily pretends not to enjoy their little antics but really, we all do. It's Herbology _Theory_ for Merlin's sake! In a class so boring, this was about as entertaining as McGonagall tap-dancing!

Quinn said nothing but watched Kimberly in anticipation. Oh yes, there was bound to be a reaction in the same magnitude as Mount Vesuvius having a reaction to the minor earthquake preceding it.

"Professor!" Kimberly's shrill cry rang out through the class making me cringe.

"What? What!? I didn't do it!" Peter blurted having been rudely awakened, throwing the entire class into a fit of laughter.

"What is it, Miss Adams?" Professor Sprout asked in a grave voice that suggested she'd rather not know.

Yes, Kimberly throws a tantrum at least once a week. She's awful, stuck-up and prissy. I'm positive the Hat was having a laugh when sorting her into Gryffindor! Sirius sure knew how to pick his targets.

"Black thinks it's funny to put _this_ in my hair!" she said in her high-pitched voice holding up the paper plane.

"How do you know it was him?" asked Sprout calmly.

"It says 'Courtesy of Sirius Black' on it!"

Professor Sprout sighed, "Mr Black, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Sirius stood up with a composed guilt-free face, "I have to say I am completely innocent, Professor."

There were several loud bursts of laughter including one form Edith, all through which he kept a straight face.

Sprout silenced the class, "Mr Black, I'm afraid disturbing the class warrants detention."

"Yes, but it'll only be worth it in another …hmm… five seconds!" Sirius replied with a smirk checking his watch.

"And why is that?"

"Three… two… one…"

We all strained to look at the odd crinkling noise at the front of the class.

As Kimberly Adams watched horrified, the paper plane in her hand crumpled into a ball. My eyes widened as a large rip appeared on the side of it pulling forth a pair of bright red lips and a pink tongue. As we watched flabbergasted, the mouth on the paper ball sucked in a huge breath and blew a loud raspberry in Kimberly's face. Then before she could even recover from the shock there was a short gagging noise and the ball barfed a large load of projectile green mucus on her.

 _Brace.  
_  
"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!" came the shriek of what sounded like a particularly homicidal Mandrake.

Kimberly Adams got up and ran out of the classroom, her screams echoing down the hallway.

Most of the class erupted in fresh hysterics at this. Edith put her arm around my neck sobering up from her laughter, "Completely worth my burst ear-drum!"

"Absolutely!" I agreed.

"Detention, Mr Black!" said Professor Sprout in the most stern voice she could muster whilst clamping down on her jaws in order to not laugh openly.

"Professor," James jumped up standing next to Sirius, "It was my idea, actually! The raspberry, not the mucus! Actually, I may have _suggested_ the mucus…" he grinned.

Remus shook his head and sighed raising his hand up with his quill, "I came up with the projectile vomiting!"

"And I…. err…. I helped!" Peter nodded importantly still half-dazed.

"Well then, all three of you can join Mr Black in detention." Sprout smiled serenely to which these idiots simply clapped each other on the back in celebration.

In all my life I'd never met another bunch who were more ecstatic to be in detention. The bell rang and the students rose from their seats in a hurry.

"Oh and Mr Pettigrew, ten points from Gryffindor for sleeping in my class!"

James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.  
Someday when someone talks of one of them, the name will always be tacked on to the other three.

"Thick as thieves, they were" they'd say. Because they were.

Every school has them. The troublemakers, the jesters, the rowdy ones, the ones at the centre of every tousle and the ones who lived for the next great prank.  
At Hogwarts, they were James, Remus, Sirius and Peter. Boys who had nothing in common but came together so fluidly that in seemingly no time at all no one could imagine one without the rest. They were our Beatles. There was a rumour of a name they called themselves. It started with an M, that everyone knew, for it was inscribed somewhere whenever they wished to take credit for a particularly invested pranks. No one knew for sure what they called themselves but everyone knew who they were and what they were capable of.

Anyhow, the first day of school was generally an important day for everyone. Everything is new. New books, quills, parchment, new spells and potions to learn about.  
But the Marauders loved the first day of school for a whole different reason!

Yes, you guessed it! Pranks.

The day when a part of the student body is as innocent as they will ever be in their lives. That is the day First Years start their classes. The day they will remember for the rest of their lives thanks to a certain foursome.

By second period there were already several first years hung up by their ankles randomly along the Charms corridor having stepped on invisible rope-snares, their limbs flaying about seeking help from passers-by. Some others had fallen though charmed trick steps or were being hugged to death by an animated suit of armour, others had sunk themselves up to their waist in a Quick-tile (where Sirius would charm a floor tile randomly to become a puddle but appear solid until stepped on). However their favourites were ones they personally got involved in.

While we were walking along the corridor to Transfiguration after lunch, Edith pulled me by the sleeve suddenly.

"What?" I asked nearly collapsing onto her.

"Watch," she said with a knowing smile on her face. I followed her gaze and shook my head already beginning to smile. In front of an empty classroom Potter and Black were staging themselves for a passing group of first years.

"Oh dear! Not _again_!" Sirius wailed loudly looking dismally up at a large pink bubble floating around his head.

"What's wrong, Sirius?" James walked up to his friend with mock concern while the three first years paused to watch.

"It's Bob, my toad, he's eaten Droobles again!"

"Oh nooo!" James feigned tragedy.

"Yes! Look!" Sirius pointed at the large pink bubble next to him "He's got himself trapped inside a bubble!" cried Sirius in mock hysteria, as he began to shake James by his shoulders "Potter, please tell me you have a pin! I can't watch him die, James! I just can't!"

"I'm so sorry mate, I don't have a pin." James said sadly.

"NOOOO! Bobby!" Sirius collapsed on James's shoulder in tears. "Not like this, Bobby!"

Edith clamped a hand to her mouth as we both buckled under silent fits of laughter.

"We can help!" piped a first year girl with a French-braid, "will this work?"  
She asked taking off her Ravenclaw pin from her tie and handing it to the taller boy next to her.

"Oh YES! Thank you so much!" said James and Sirius together nodding happily.

The taller sandy-haired boy smiled and stepped forward "It's no problem!"  
He pushed back his sleeves and reached toward the bubble with the pin.

 _Wait for it._

The pin grazed the bubble and there was a loud bursting noise as it popped.

 _SPLASH!_

Suddenly gallons of water and what looked like greenish seaweed was dumped on the unsuspecting poor sod below.

The other two first years screeched and jumped back as their classmate (now wet head-to-toe) stood shock-still with his arm still outstretched, pin held firmly. The toad that had landed on the boy's head gave a loud croak as James and Sirius collapsed on the floor, their laughs rendering them breathless.

I was barely holding Edith up as we tried our hardest not to laugh out loud.

"You insensitive little _PRICK_! Why can't you just leave them _alone_?"  
Lily, saviour of the innocent, marched furiously towards them, eyes narrowed to slits and looking daggers at the duo still unable to control their laughs.

"Eva-"

"Ten points from Gryffindor!"

"What kind of a Prefect're you? Docking points off your own house!" Sirius accused sobering up from his laughter.

"You want to make it twenty?"

"We're going! Merlin! You're such a kill-joy, Red!"

She watched them with narrowed eyes as they left before dragging the shivering first year by the hand to be dried-off.

Edith and I scarpered not wanting to be caught by 'The Lilimonster'! Don't look at me, Edith comes up with the nicknames.

Ten minutes later we were at Transfiguration, I sat next to Edith again and pulled out my books.

I adore Edith, I'd say she's probably my best friend in the dorms. She's incredibly funny and a joy to be around. She's a pioneer in sarcasm and most of it is focused on pretending she doesn't fancy Remus.

That's been around since fourth year when she fell in the lake fully dressed in cloaks and scarves and Remus jumped in to save her. I must have heard the fascinating story at least a dozen times over Christmas that year of how Remus ripped the heavy wet jumper off her with his bare hands to stop her sinking any further.

And still, to this day she pretends she fancies Sirius, but oddly cannot think of any other redeeming qualities in him than Sirius's _dazzling_ smile and _lustrous_ hair. Note my sarcasm. Sirius and Edith have always been good friends, yes. They are both varying degrees of crazy, and therefore it makes perfect sense. But they weren't soul-mate material. At all.

"Good afternoon, class" Professor McGonagall strode into the room, "Oh hello Ms Evans, please take your seat." She closed the doors behind Lily with a wave of her wand.

Lily was still disgruntled as she sank into her seat beside Quinn right in front of us.

"What's wrong?" Quinn, who wasn't wiser to Lily's rotten mood, asked pulling her books out and giving up on trying to tame her short prickly hair.

Edith and I shared a look and stifled our laughter as Lily went into a rant about Black and Potter's antics while Professor McGonagall gave her 'This is NEWT year, no messing about' speech.  
Quinn listened nodding along mutely. Lily was already taking notes. I wondered what she could possibly be writing down.

 _1\. Do not mess about says McGongagall.  
2\. NEWT year is serious says McGonagall._

I wasn't the only one finding her quirks entertaining. James was shaking his head at her with a small smile in the corner of her mouth, almost as if to say, _"Why am I in love with this nutter?"  
_  
Roll your eyes all you want, they belong together.

They are one of those couples, you know the one. They quarrel and bicker and fight all the time, then they'll kiss and realise they've been in love all this time and of course they'll grow up and get married and have lots of babies. I will probably be Godmother to the runt of the family and tell them embarrassing stories about mum and dad at Christmas dinners. The thought makes me laugh.

Lily is complicated. This was fact. She may row with James every other day and she may hate his guts for what he does to Snape, but she doesn't despise him nearly as much as she insists. She thinks she's so smart hiding it but Lily was the only one to remember James's actual birthday from the twenty-six fake ones he gave up in second year. And that porcelain cat on her nightstand came from one specific secret-admirer because on the other hand James' affection for Lily was anything but secret.  
I do hope they get together soon. I want to be a Godmother before I'm thirty! Quinn's already half there with her sister-in-law due in three months.

Quinn and Lily are quite close, I guess you could say. They were both smart, enjoyed reading and often liked to stay ahead of the class. If it weren't for their difference in looks they could've been sisters. Quinn was tall, tanned and bright-eyed with strawberry blonde hair. Next to her Lily was a red-haired freckled midget!  
During first and second year Quinn and I were best friends. Our beds were next to each other's and it was only natural. Over time I guess we drifted apart. I mean we're still good friends and I'd do anything for her but we're nothing like what we were. But I suppose we aren't eleven-year-olds either.

Lily, you might be surprised, took a while to make friends. She didn't talk much all throughout first year except with Severus Snape whom we called 'Sallow-face fellow' or just 'Sallow-face'. Snape was pale skinned with sharply contrasting black hair and flat dark eyes. It looked like he'd spent ten years of his life locked in a cellar without a drop of sunlight. His physique had not improved other than having grown half his height taller in the following years.

There was a reason no one was really friends with him. Severus Snape seemed to scare off even those of us who were brave enough initiate a conversation with him. He gave off a sort of repulsive aura, with his narrowed eyes, always sitting with a fortress of books around him. His thick curtain of black hair shielding his face from the rest of the world didn't help either.

But Lily was by his side whenever possible. They were only separated during meal times and nights. We didn't know why she preferred his company but we didn't try asking about it either. Snape was smart and Lily as a Muggle-born was playing catch-up in certain areas of magic. So the association made sense. As time passed though we got to know Lily and she began to open up from her shell and well, she grew on us.  
She has that effect.

"I mean they haven't even had a chance to get through their first _day_ in school and Potter's already scarred them for life!" Lily complained shaking her head.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, it was just _water_!" James hissed next to her.

Lily jumped at his voice startling us all and turned around. James and Sirius were sitting right across the aisle from her.

Lily's face turned a bright red, "Yes… well, you're a git!"

James was saved of coming up with a witty retort to that by McGonagall calling the class to order. "Alright! Let's see if we can brush up on- whatever's left in your skulls after the summer holidays. A question-answer round perhaps?"

Peter's hand immediately shot up causing Remus to shake his head gravely.

"Yes, Mr Pettigrew?"

"Professor, do you think maybe _we_ could ask the questions for a change?"

"I admire your optimism Pettigrew, but I'm afraid not,"  
Sirius and James chuckled along with a few other students.

"Now, let's see… Miss Pennyweather," a girl three rows down flinched, "Which would you use on a mongoose half transfigured into a lizard, a completion spell or a reversal spell?"

"Since it's inter-species, reversal?"

"Excellent, five points to Ravenclaw!"

 _Points? Who said anything about points?_  
And like a charm, the entire class perked up.

"Mr Lloyd, which among Gamp's Laws is variable by circumstance?"

Silence.

I turned to Edith who simply shrugged back.

"Anyone?"

As expected Lily's hand shot up instantly.

"Yes, Ms Evans."

"The Fifth. Very rarely children without control of their magic have been known to alter the composition of air, unintentionally!"

"You're very close, Ms Evans" McGonagall gave her an encouraging look through her glasses.

"Yes, but not quite," came the over-confidant bored voice of James Potter, "Children born to parents with a history of _unrestricted_ use of magic have rarely and under extreme stress situations shown to unintentionally alter the composition of air."

"Very well put, Mr Potter. Five points" McGonagall nodded slowly and turned to Lily, "Ms Evans, take initiative to provide a complete answer. Your examiners at NEWTS will appreciate it!"

Lily nodded mutely but her cheeks had turned a brilliant shade of vermilion. As McGonagall's attention diverted she shot James a scathing look.  
James responded with a dazzling grin.

I nudged Edith and we both bit back a laugh. A day where James pawns Lily in a show-down of intellect is a day worth living for!

"Given the choice would you rather use a Vanishing charm or a Disillusionment charm on an object?"

"Disillusionment."

"Why?"

"It's simpler and easily reversed!"

"Five points, sit up Potter!" McGonagall just had to call on James.

"Changing a hibiscus flower to a rose requires three steps of transfiguration. Which are?"

"Shape transfiguration, colour alteration and multiplication of petals!"

"Precisely! Five Points Ms Evans!"

"What's the first step you'd take when transfiguring a mouse into a snuff-box?"

"Transfigure feet first to avoid it from scurrying around in a panic!"

"Exactly!"

By the seventh question, the entire class had turned to watch the battle of wits between James Potter and Lily Evans. Sitting across the aisle from each other they were shooting answers at rapid speed not bothering to put up their hands.

Lily was very smart and prepared ahead for nearly all her classes, but James was born gifted at Transfiguration and miraculously, loved the subject enough to read it extensively. This was a close call. We all watched, our eyes flitting from one to the other as they spoke. For once McGonagall seemed to indulge.

"Suppose you were to transfigure a rat into a teacup, what would you be cautious ab-" McGonagall hadn't even finished her question before James opened his mouth.

"Not to make the handle of the cup out of the rat's tail because if the handle breaks so does the spell and the rat will have no tail!" James finished and rocked his chair back a few inches for flair.

Sirius smirked at his best friend and I could have sworn even McGonagall's mouth twitched a little. Lily, however, looked nothing short of indignant.

"Alright! Well, that's enough for now. Let's allow Ravenclaws to score some points too." McGonagall adjusted her glasses all too soon, to a collective groan from the students "Serial transfiguration! Today's lesson is not only a skill tested in your NEWT exams, it's a skill that will prove extremely useful in the future for you!"

She waved her wand and a box suddenly appeared in front of each of us. "Placed in front of you, is a box containing one animal. On top of the box is a list of three tasks. Your assignment is to transfigure your animal into each of the three mentioned items, in order, by the end of the class."

Everyone immediately began to pull out their wands.

"And as a welcoming back, I will offer thirty points to the first person to complete today's assignment!" said McGonagall.  
As if on cue the entire class glanced once more at James and Lily.

"Begin!"

I looked warily at my box. Unlikely that I would score any points, I was always a bit iffy about Transfiguration, but apparently, it's a must for Healer School.

 _"Transfigure in order into:  
Step 1. A Purple Coot  
Step 2. A Potted Runner-Bean Plant.  
Step 3. A Wooden Flute"_

Inside the box was a white dove.

Why does McGonagall always forget our school anthem? We're supposed to forget everything we learnt over the holidays so that they can teach us for another year 'until our brains rot'.  
I forcefully widened my eyes as if it would help me remember _something_.

No. Not helping.

Edith and I tilted our heads confusedly at my dove and her rat. In front of us, Quinn and Lily had set about their work. However across the aisle Peter idly fed a chocolate frog to his project, also a frog! It was more disturbing that you'd believe.

Remus and Sirius's animals no longer resembled anything living to ever walk the earth. With a long sigh I picked up my wand and turned to Edith who was sneakily flipping through her Transfiguration book on her lap.

"Hey, what does a coot look like?" I whispered to her.

"Beats me, what the hell is a possum?!"

Well, so much for step one.

After several attempts I managed to turn my white dove a bright purple colour but could not proceed much further. Instead I conjured some water for the poor bird and opened a bag of Chocolate Cauldrons for us to share.

James (my eyes widened at this,) had proceeded far. Sitting in front of him was a pot containing a perfectly pruned bush of miniature roses, each puffy pink flower in full bloom! He looked extremely pleased with himself.

"Well done, Potter. Proceed to step three." McGonagall nodded. I barely caught the irritated huff just in front of me before Lily Evans flipped her hair back and pointed her wand at her leaf sprouting headless chicken.

"I give up!" announced Edith setting down her wand beside her rat who looked like a crossbred ferret with stripes!

"What's that?" I asked her dubiously.

"That's a rare breed of possums called the Lalalapus!" she said seriously.

"I see!" I smirked offering her some chocolates.  
She plunged her hand into the bag and stuffed her face. We both then settled for the entertainment of watching others try to handle their tasks.

Archie, Remus's mischievous pet ferret had shown up half-way into the second hour and was prodding the boy's still bunny-eared fidgety batch of Violets in amusement. Peter hadn't bothered pulling out his wand. He and his toad both were snacking on fudge flies, meanwhile Sirius attempted the final step: turning his very metallic looking daisies into a set of brass scales.

I turned back to James and couldn't believe my eyes! He'd done it!

There he was with a perfectly accurate little radio upon his desk, lounging lazily in his chair with an arm behind the back-rest. It was moments like these that made him so hard to resist taking a fancy to.

Speaking of fancying James-

"DONE!" yelled Lily, startling me, Edith, Quinn and the purple dove who proceeded to poop on my parchment!

McGonagall nodded at Lily's gramophone, "Very impressive Miss Evans, however so is Mr Potter!"  
Lily's ecstatic face turned so rapidly into a murderous glare, one could hardly believe in such an emotional range.

Probably sensing the palpable tension McGonagall quickly cleared her throat.  
"Alight, well I suppose you've both done an excellent job so-"

In reply to that James simply yawned and turned a wheel on the small radio in front of him. Almost instantly the entire classroom was filled with Celestina Warbeck's crooning voice as she sang her latest lullaby love-song.

 _Damn. The boy has skill._

McGonagall tried very hard not to smirk at her best student, "Your skill is admirable Mr Potter, however your arrogance is not! Thirty points to be shared between Mr Potter and Miss Evans,"

Several boys (and the rest of the Marauders, of course) cheered James on, who accepted it with a courteous (albeit pretentious) bow turning his back on Lily. Edith rolled her eyes next to me.  
The bell rang and Lily immediately stormed out of the classroom before we even packed up.

Edith dropped a galleon on her table, "Stinging Hex!"

"No way," said Quinn turning around, "I say she goes for a ' _Furnunculus_ '!"

I laughed, "Your money's mine kids, she's going to lock his jaws together. Permanently this time!"

 _ **Lily**_

A long day is defined as any day I have to deal with an annoying entity twice in twelve hours. And on such a day, _this_ is my escape: a well-lit desk in a quiet atmosphere surrounded by walls of books.

 _The library_.

Of course Potter shows off, it's practically his trademark. If one looked up 'Ostentatious' or 'Arrogant' in the dictionary there'd be a perpetually wind-swept picture of the moron right beside it.  
This was different though. Usually the fool reserved showing off to his unimaginative pranks and for riding a five-foot stick of wood between his legs, not academics. _This_ was personal.

He wants to just kick me around and see how I'd take it. All because of my stupid slip-of-the-tongue. And after I _APOLOGISED_!  
What. A. Child.

 _Stupid Lily, what the hell were you thinking asking him to study with you for OWLs?_

As I sat in the library wasting my time, partly drawing a gigantic Nightglow-pea flower for Herbology and partly plotting ways to make Potter's hair fall off in his sleep, I heard a set of fluttering wings behind my ear.

When I turned around I found a small yellow folded memo hovering next to me like a paper bird. I picked it out of the air and unfolded it. Prefects usually did get memos like these informing them about unscheduled meetings, changes in Patrol times or Detention Duty, or even from teachers simply requesting assistance.

 _Ms Evans,  
Please meet me in front of the Charms classroom after your free period._

 _Thank you.  
\- Professor M. McGonagall_

I folded my drawing into my Herbology book and packed my bag quickly exited the library and headed toward the Charms classroom. I wondered what Professor McGonagall wanted to discuss. Checking my watch I realised I was early but as I turned the corner at the foot of the stairs to the Charms corridor I saw her at walking up the stairs.

"Thank you Ms Evans, for coming on such short notice," she began as she saw me.

"Is everything alright, Professor?"

"Yes, of course. I would have waited to talk to you tomorrow but Professor Dumas insisted on meeting today." She said adjusting her glasses, a sign that she wasn't completely comfortable with something.

"Now Evans as I understand it, you wish to attend a Healer Training Programme after leaving Hogwarts?"

"Yes, Mary and I were talking about it…"

"Well, I have a proposition that may work in your favour,"

"Oh…?"

"Yes, walk with me," she said heading down along the Charms corridor. I fell quickly into step beside her. "Professor Dumas, your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher has requested a Teacher's Assistant. It's not common practice at Hogwarts, but not entirely unusual either. Both Professor Slughorn and Professor Kettleburn have had assistants from time to time. It certainly does polish one up for trainings after school." Professor McGonagall attempted a half-hearted smile. "

Professor Dumas has asked for the most intelligent mind of the year. Naturally, Mr Austin Bradbury of seventh year was my first choice,"

Naturally. I smiled back.

"But since Seventh Years are facing NEWTS and have a lot on their plates I thought it best to pick from the Sixth Years. Professor Dumas offers a glowing recommendation in return for the valuable help he'll be getting. Well, what do you say Ms Evans?"

"Me?" I feigned surprise as if I hadn't guessed where this conversation was going. "Oh absolutely!"

I was willing to clean up bed-pans if it gave me a glowing recommendation for Healer-school.

She gave a stiff nod, "Very well." She entered the classroom and I followed her up the stairs to the office at the front of the class. The haunting paintings of dark creatures that hung along the banister wall during Professor Fairwick's time were gone, leaving an empty space yet to be decorated.  
Professor McGonagall knocked twice and waited.

"Enter," replied a chiming voice.

McGonagall opened the door. My eyes widened. Everywhere I looked there were boxes stacked in piles. Most of them seemed to be labelled 'Books' and 'Robes'. Sitting in an armchair by the fireplace was Professor Dumas.  
He was a man of about forty, dressed rather flamboyantly with his feet up on a foot-stool in front of the fire. Professor Dumas was a lot younger than I previously deduced. His dark-blonde locks flowed to his shoulder. When he turned to see who had entered his chambers, his eyes lit up. He'd paired a pencil moustache with a chin-puff and his curls bounced about his shoulders looking positively delighted as he leapt up from his seat.

"Professor McGonagall! What a pleasant surprise," Dumas greeted happily, "I'm so sorry we didn't get a chance to chat at the feast after that… fiasco…"

McGonagall's brow furrowed a little, "I do apologise for the inconvenience Professor Dumas."

"Oh come now, Professor!" Dumas brushed away her apology, "Dumas was my father. To you I shall always remain Sydney!" he ended with a coy smile at McGonagall who seemed stricken to be asked such a thing. I bit down on my lip to keep my composure and looked away.

In reply Professor McGonagall gave a flickering smile and hastily stepped towards me.

"Right. Well, _Sydney_ , I would like to introduce to you Miss Lily Evans. She is one of our most diligent and hard-working students, she would do very well as your personal assistant?"

Dumas' confusion cleared instantly, "Oh my word, yes! Indeed." He then turned to me with curious eyes that made me a little queasy. " _Hello_ ," he said in the same musical voice he used to answer the door.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Evans" Professor Dumas extended a hand.

"It's my pleasure, Sir" I gave a curt nod shaking his hand briefly.

"I'm sure it is," he trilled, "And what is your _favourite_ subject at Hogwarts, Ms Evans?"

"I do like Potions, Sir" I said honestly.

"Oh..?" he seemed a tad disappointed, "Well maybe my teachings will help change your mind!" he said with great confidence. I simply smiled back in reply.

"My, what beautiful eyes! You know, green are the rarest of all eyes, therefore you must be _extra_ special." He smiled. I had a sense he had a habit of emphasising a certain point every time he spoke.

I blinked awkwardly several times.  
McGonagall cleared her throat. Just then there was another knock on the door.

"Enter," McGonagall and Dumas said together causing Dumas to laugh again. He seemed quite jovial.

"You wanted me to meet you here, Professor?"

The voice made me spin around facing the door. He looked just as taken aback to see me as I was to see him.

"Hello Mr Potter. Do come in," McGonagall called.

James Potter walked in shutting the door quietly behind him. Dumas' once-again-curious eyes now turned to James.

"Of course we'll need to accompany Ms Evans with another student. After hours… Dumbledore's rules… You understand, Sydney?" McGonagall said gently.

"Of course! Silly rules but still, rules are meant to be followed all the same I suppose" he chuckled.

"Very well," McGonagall turned sharply to James, "Potter, you will join Ms Evans as her assistant, while she works under Professor Dumas,"

"Pleasure to meet you, Potter!" behind McGonagall's back Dumas waved cordially at James.

James however looked crestfallen at the news, "Umm… hello Sir" he said in his shocked state before turning sharply back to McGonagall. "But Professor! Quidditch practice!"  
He pleaded desperately with Professor McGonagall.

"No 'buts' Potter, you'll have to make other arrangements with your practice sessions."

James' shoulders sagged with disinterest but he agreed.  
"what am I to do here exactly, Professor?" he asked in a defeated voice.

"You're here to help her," answered McGonagall swiftly.

I stepped in, "Professor if I may, I don't need any he-"

"Rules are rules, Ms Evans." McGonagall gave me a stern look.

"Help her with what, Professor." James asked again.

"Errands…"

James looked at Professor McGonagall as if to say "Come again?"

"I'm her errand boy?" he asked incredulously.

"Quite the complainer isn't he?" tittered Dumas.

"Oh, he's just warming up!" I couldn't help myself.

James shot me a dirty look.

"Oooh I sense a rivalry!" Professor Dumas twiddled his fingers excitedly.

"Mr Potter, you are whatever Ms Evans requests you to be. You will report here before classes and after classes and help in any way requested by Ms Evans. As a reward the detentions you will _surely_ accumulate henceforth in the next few weeks of term will be annulled."

James couldn't help but smirk. I couldn't help but grimace.

 _Thanks Life, for doing a great job of screwing yourself over._

"Well, good day to you all, Sydney," Professor McGonagall exchanged a curt nod with Professor Dumas and left the office.

"Start with the boxes, instructions are on that one" Dumas pointed to a large box on top of a pile of large boxes, "off you go then," he said and promptly followed Professor McGonagall asking about evening tea. Their voices trailed off into the distance.

James and I both exhaled tiredly.

"So I guess we're stuck together," James said breaking the silence in an amused sort of voice. It was only a matter of time.

I gritted my teeth, "Grave."

"What?"

"What I need you to be is as still and silent as the grave!"

I was lying on my bed, collapsed from exhaustion after dinner. It _had_ been a long day. I winced as I thought back to my earlier misfortune.  
What had started out as a great opportunity for extra credit and a glowing recommendation and a sure-fire place at Healer School had quickly turned into a painful sore with me sentenced to spend months in the general vicinity of Potter and his arrogance.

 _Fan-tastic._

I was calm though (owing largely to the fact that my brain hadn't fully processed my current predicament yet), all I thought about now was how in an hour I'd have to get off my comfortable bed and trudge down for detention duty.

"BUGGER!" I whined out loud flaying my arms about in frustration.

"What?" Edith looked up from her book bushing back her dark hair.

Quinn must have heard me all the way from inside the bathroom, because she stuck her head out the door in a panic, "Did you sit on my chocolate cake?!"

"No..." I groaned, "Detention duty, urgh!... Potter… dammit… son-of-a-"

Edith watched me for a short while with a placid expression, "Somebody's misplaced their verbs!"

Mary giggled as Quinn disappeared back into the shower.

I rolled my eyes at them. Turning on my side I picked a marshmallow out of Mary's bowl and flicked it at Edith.

"Oi, that's food! Eat it or I'll stuff them up your nose!" Mary scorned.  
I dropped the remaining handful back into the bowl and retreated. She's strangely possessive of her sweets. Try stealing a Sherbet Lemon from her! Or don't if you value your appendages.

"What's the great tragedy?" Quinn joined us in her bathrobe with her wet hair hanging about her shoulders, "If you don't want to do Potter's detention just exchange with the other prefect on duty with you."  
She plopped down on Cait's bed (who was at choir practice) and began to magically dry her hair off.

With a shrug I pulled out the detention schedule from my pocket and checked.  
 _Wednesday…Detention duty…_  
"Bugger!"

"What now?" asked Edith, now amused.

"Oh nothing, I'm sure Severus would just _love_ to spend detention with Potter!"

"Lily, just ask him," Quinn insisted, "I'm sure he'd give his kidney to see Potter clean bedpans all night!"

"Or you could just pick Sirius or Remus and leave Potter and Snape to deal with it on their own" said Mary checking her nail colours at arm-length.

I sighed, "I just don't want to deal with him right now."

Edith swung her legs over the side of her bed and sat up, "Ok. I have to ask, what the bloody hell happened with you two?"

"Yeah," agreed Mary looking up from her purple nail-polish, "I mean one minute we were by the lake and you were storming up to James and Sirius defending Snape! And the next, Snape was threatening to sleep outside the dormitory 'cos you weren't talking to him!"

"It's a long story," I said shortly.

They waited watching me.

"Once upon a time…?" Edith prompted.

I rolled my eyes and told them everything that had happened between me and Severus until the point where he got mad at me for seeing Potter in my memories.

"The rest you know," I said leaving out the part about James spending the entire night teaching me Transfiguration.  
Yes, I did write to them briefly citing my inhuman moment calling James a waste of space, and his callous dismissal of my apology, but I wrote the letters in a way they probably assumed James saw me making a mistake and corrected it in passing before our exams.

Alright! Yes I shouldn't have lied. I know!  
But I just _knew_ they would all side with him if they knew he'd spent the night going through past papers with me.

Gosh what a lousy excuse.

"I have a question!" Edith put up her hand, "umm, why didn't you smack Severus all the way to next Sunday when he pried into your head like that?!"

"Because, well…" I deliberated while they all stared at me, "Eurgh! This is weak, but he had my permission to do it,"

"WHAT!?" the shrill voices echoed off the walls making me wince.

"Urrghh! You remember Lucius Malfoy?"

"I'm familiar with his work," deadpanned Quinn who had been attacked with a frog-barfing spell by him in our second year. She was awake for two nights regurgitating frogs! It was horrible and nothing Madam Pomfrey tried seemed to help. Yeah, he thought he was something.

"Well, he told Severus about Legilimency and books that teach you how to practice it. Severus got really good, studying by himself. He told me about it one day. And I sort of asked him to teach me about it." Their expressions turned incredulous, "Not how to do it, just the theory behind it…" I added hastily.

I watched their wary faces as I continued, "I then asked him to teach me how to _block_ Legilimency. You know, just in case. I thought it'd be a good idea to know. He was reluctant at first but he taught me eventually and he helped me practice by trying Legilimency on me and helping me build strong defence against it. I got pretty good at it too. He wasn't able to get in my head even once!"

Edith raised her eyebrows impressed.

"But then he said that our defences are stronger when we want to prevent an attack we know is coming. I thought he was just being sore-loser, so I told him fine, he could attack me whenever he wanted except when I was sleeping or doing anything that would be dangerous if I lost concentration."

They all gave me a You-should-have-known-better-look. Granted, this was true.

"And?" Mary pushed.

" _And_ , he tried twice before, while I was chatting with a friend and at lunch, I deflected both times, but I sort of saw it coming. Severus has a 'tell'. His eyebrows sort of pull together and his eyes widen…"

"But the last time, he caught you off guard," Quinn interjected knowing the answer already.

"Yeah," I looked away as flashes of our fight refreshed in my mind.

 _Mudblood…_

A chill ran through me.

Mary shook her head, "I still can't believe you let him pry into your head! Are you mental to _trust_ him with that sort of thing?"

" _Why?_ " It stung, the way she spoke of Snape. They'd always been less that approving but she made it sound like he was a serial-killer on the prowl. "I trusted him with everything else. Severus was my friend!"

"He was a creep Lily!" Mary shot back.

Anger flared inside me throwing me off balance. "And Mulciber was what, Prince Charming?"

Shit.  
Dammit! I wanted to kick myself.  
Mary's wide eyes instantly pooled with tears but she immediately stood up and headed for the door.

"Mary, no wait!" I scrambled off the bed too, "I didn't mean it!" I cried hurrying after her down the dormitory stairs. I caught up to her midway across the common room. She paused with her back to me.

"I'm so so sorry Mary! God I didn't mean it! Please May, I'm sorry!" I kept gushing. She turned to face me and wiped her tears with her thumb.

"I know... It's alright," she blinked away a tear and smiled at me, "Bastard isn't worth crying over," she put her arms around me and hugged me. "I'm sorry about Severus. I shouldn't have said what I said."

I hugged Mary tighter, resting my head against her thick golden locks.  
"He's not worth it either."

 _ **That brings us to the end of Chapter 6 edited version (26/11/2017) I know this is taking longer than expected but if anyone is still reading, I want to sincerely thank you.**_

 _ **You were the reason I started writing and keep coming back in spite of the impossible time constraints I have to deal with.**_

 _ **So thank you!**_

 _ **Xx Pen2Paper**_


	7. Chapter 7: Confrontations Part I

_Chapter 7: Confrontations (Part 1)_

 _James vs. Lily: Full Circle_

 _ **Lily**_

Detention was tiresome. The minutes dragged on for hours and by the end of it, I was beyond exhausted and in dire need of sleep… and a shower.

Severus hadn't arrived when I met the Marauders for detention. Following Mary's advice (which at the time seemed absolute) I acquired Black and Lupin and left for the Hospital Wing leaving Potter and Pettigrew behind for Severus to deal with.

I did earn a loathing stare by the duo but decided it was a very small price to pay. 

While we walked to the Hospital Wing, I realised Severus and I had not met nor conversed since our return to school. It was odd and disconcerting and I felt distinctly wrong with the idea of him disappearing from the daily life I'd led at Hogwarts for so many years. Something in my chest began to give off a familiar ache and I was quiet throughout most of the detention hour.

Remus even prompted to inquire if I was alright.

While I didn't associate with the Marauders on principle, Remus and I had unavoidably grown close over the last year when we both became prefects and were made to associate more often. Remus Lupin, I discovered was rather modest and polite when his comrades weren't attached to his person. He was easy to converse with and though he could be entertaining when he wished, he was more usually quiet which made me wonder if he enjoyed internal conversations as much as I did. I supposed now we were friends.

Madam Pomfrey had disappeared to have a bit of supper whilst we were halfway through detentions. By the end of it, Remus had made a joke about bedpans. Sirius had made at least six, with varied contexts.

They made me laugh despite my efforts to pretend I wasn't listening and on the way back to Gryffindor Tower they kept up a stream of humorous anecdotes that I gave into quickly.  
Remus was just as tired as I was and wanted to go to bed but Sirius insisted on dragging us to the Potions room where the rest of the posse served detention.

At the thought of seeing Severus again my stomach lurched, but I followed them to the Potions room anyway.

Since we arrived at Hogwarts, Severus and I had never gone a day without speaking to each other until the last day of school before last summer. Only someone who's had such a close friend and lost it all so suddenly and so painfully could attempt to understand how daunting it was to return to school where he'd be everywhere every day.  
I wanted to see him… I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see him but at the same time I dreaded it, hated everything that had happened between us.

"When do we meet the protégés, Moony?" asked Black of his friend. Remus replied that he had no idea.

I let it go. One rarely had any clue what the boys talked of half the time.

"Keep up, Red!" Black called over his shoulder, "Don't want a delicate _Flower_ like you getting lost in the dark!" he sniggered.

"Don't call me that!" I censured but quickened my pace.

"Why ever not?" snickering, Black had turned back to face the hallway ahead, "remember you liked it just fine when Harold Bennet called you that."

"You're not Harold Bennet!" I pointed out.

"And thank Merlin for that!"

At long last we reached the double doors of the Potions room and I braced myself. However, before Sirius could knock, the doors pulled apart violently leaving Sirius hanging with his fist held up.

"What the-?"

"Prongs! What happened?"

"Don't. Ask." was Peter Pettigrew's answer.

Once I'd established that Severus, in fact, was not in the vicinity I surveyed the boys more closely. Both Potter and Pettigrew looked distressed and on top of it, they were drenched head-to-toe as if they'd been dredged out of the lake. The pair gave off such a horrible stench that the three of us immediately backed away several steps.

Don't ask, indeed.

"Boys," Sirius gaged pinching his nose firmly, "you need to shower or find your own shortcut back to the tower!"

I nodded vigorously, for once agreeing with him.

James looked murderous and Peter disgusted. I supposed Severus had taken advantage of the situation. I didn't blame him. Look, if the tables were turned, Potter would've done everything short of skinning Severus alive.

Potter and Pettigrew headed off to the Prefects bathroom (I was relieved to be rid of the stench I let it slide) while I escorted the former duo back to Gryffindor tower. We'd barely reached the next floor (deterred somewhat by two idiotic staircases that manoeuvred us in circles) however when James Potter showed up leading Pettigrew down the opposite hallway.

"Hold on you two!" James called out and we paused turning to him.

"That was fast," commented Sirius.

James looked significantly better freshly showered. His hair was still wet but instead of the intolerable stench, he now had about him a fresh fragrance of shampoo. Other than that however everything else about him was decidedly less pleasant, his mood still foul and his expression hostile.

"Prongs mate, you're growing old. Clearly, you can't count anymore; there are three of us here."

"She doesn't count," said James and justified his statement by ignoring me and moving to the front of the group. With another impatient eye-roll, I swallowed my retorts. Honestly, this hot and cold business was getting old.

"Harsh" I heard Remus mutter. James made no inclination he'd heard him.

Remus fell into step beside me as the other three walked ahead of us. I was unfathomably irritated by Potter's attitude but pretended to be unbothered.  
 _You don't see anyone else taking out their frustration on the innocent bystander do you, Potter?  
No._

 _Was I the reason you were in detention?  
No. _

_So why don't you stop being a spoilt little brat about whatever's bothering you and just cry into a pillow like all normal people?_

I only wish I'd had the nerve to say any of it to his face.  
Sirius and Peter made jokes about Severus throughout the rest of the walk to Gryffindor tower. But soon I grew tiresome of the jeering and sighed loudly.

"Hey Lily," Remus began in a whisper falling into step beside me.

"Mmm?"

"Don't mind it, they're just joking," he looked at me earnestly.

I raised my brow, "I don't mind."

He mirrored my expression.

"I'm done trying to get you lot to be nice," I replied and Remus smiled.

"Don't mind James either…"

I said nothing to that. At long last, my tired feet turned the corridor to the Portrait of the Fat Lady.

"It's Flibbertigibbet!" said a young voice loudly down the corridor as we neared the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"No! It's Gobbledegook! I asked one of them today during lunch!" challenged a second.

"Don't be thick! That's too obvious, it's Rabbity Babbity!" a third voice piped up.

"That's _not_ obvious?" asked the first sarcastically.

"Urgh… None of us has it! I'm cold!"

"What's going on here?" I asked moving to the front of the group to find several first-years arguing outside the portrait-hole.

"None of them has the right password," said the Fat Lady smoothening out her silk dress carelessly.

"What? How is this possible?" I asked, "I specifically told all of you on the first day!"

"But we were told the passwords were changed today morning!" protested a girl in a long blonde ponytail.

I leaned back, my eyes growing in surprise, "What? Who told you that?"

Each of the young first-years pointed to one of the boys behind me.

 _Of course._

I was tired, I was sure of it. My feet ached and my body felt like lead even after a steaming shower. And yet, I wasn't falling asleep.

 _Damn it._

I gave up after tossing about for almost an hour and pushed myself out of the red duvet with an angry snort. Not really knowing what to do, I wondered down the stairs to the common room in my socks, pyjamas and t-shirt. I didn't expect to run into anyone that late at night, and yet, there he was.

James Potter had his hair sticking up messier than usual as he sat on the couch in front of the fire. Somehow he'd managed to pull up the nearby round-table in front of him and sat with several text books spread out across it. He was actually _studying_ in the dead of the night, in front of the fire... W _hat's wrong with this picture?_

I moved closer, curious to see what he was working on. I saw him tense as my shadow fell across his book and then in a split second he'd turned in his seat, wand pointed straight at me.

"Mother of _Merlin_!" he cursed stowing away his wand and turning back, "What the hell do you think you're doing, Evans?"

"It's two in the morning, I could ask you the same thing." I dropped into the armchair beside the currently occupied sofa. He still smelled of shampoo, something reminiscent of cinnamon and autumn air.

"Since when do you care," James replied with some bitterness causing me to scowl. He readjusted his lop-sided glasses and started collecting his things carefully. I couldn't help but feel he wouldn't be leaving if it weren't for my sudden appearance. "Relax," he said, "nothing illegal. Just some late homework."

His voice was tight and agitated as if he was trying very hard to control it. Something was off. I thought we'd agreed at the very least to be civil with each other. But Potter's attitude, expression and clear reservations indicated that we'd taken yet another turn. Honestly, it felt like we were going around in circles and I wanted it to end. So, of course, I asked him about it…

"What is your problem?"

…in the least subtle way possible.

James looked up with unsurprised eyes. "Problem?"

"Why are you being so… peculiar?"

He stopped arranging his notes into a pile to give me a thorough look. I was suddenly very aware of the overlarge 'Poison Apple' t-shirt and the ridiculous cup-cake print on my pyjama-bottoms. Of course, _he_ looked bloody fantastic in a woollen maroon sweater and deep-blue pyjama trousers (I made a mental note to burn the cup-cake pyjamas to purge the evidence of owning them). The eyes behind his glasses gleamed in the amber firelight. They were narrowed and his jaw set tightly.

"You've expressed that I'm barking mad at least twice every year since we started Hogwarts. Therefore 'peculiar' should hardly surprise you." He said calmly dropping his gaze back to the notes in hand.

"Alright, enough." I said wearily, "It's two in the morning. I don't have time to dig the whole 'who, when, what, where' out of you… so just _tell me_."

James dropped his stack of notes back onto the table with a loud thud making the papers fly everywhere and crossed his arms looking at the fire. I recoiled from him instinctively looking quite alarmed.

"Did you write to him?" he asked viciously.

"What?"

"Snape. Did you write to him over the holidays?"

"Potter, what-"

"Did you write to him, _yes or no_?"

I sighed.  
"Yes. Once. It's none of your business but I wanted to clear the air between us. We'd been friends such a long-"

"You're pathetic."

He just said it, clearly, looking straight at me. My eyes grew. And that was it. I snapped. Every single tiring, loathsome, horrid thought of the day came running back to me. So much hate and exhaustion filled me that I wasn't sure if I wanted to scream or cry. I stood shock-still in the silence where his words hung in the air. Potter packed his things in half a second and was at the foot of the stairs before I found my voice again.

"Who the _hell_ do you think you are?" I spat angrily jumping to my feet, "To just randomly start telling me off for-"

"Oh come on, Lily! _Wake up!_ " he yelled spinning back. His usually jovial face was furious. Anger flushed his sharp features. I was genuinely afraid but didn't show it.  
"He called you the _worst_ possible thing he ever could, and you're giving him a chance to crawl back into your life?… It's just _sad_ to watch."

"Shut _up_!" I shouted, now incensed even more, "you don't get to judge without having any idea about-"

"Being human and using that word against someone is enough to judge him plenty."

"You don't _know_ him beyond-"

"I don't need to-"

"LET ME FINISH!"

James fell silent, his jaw clenching. I trembled with all the anger I felt.

"You think it's easy, Potter? All these years you've had three perfect friends who never disappoint you, never frustrate you or question you. They're always there for you… just like the world expects them to. You know what I've had? I've had one best friend, and five years of battling to keep from losing him. He's been there for me since the first time I learnt about magic. He's a Slytherin and he's expected to resent me, not just because I'm a Gryffindor but because I'm… muggleborn. And all this time he risked the first friends, the first home he ever knew… just to be friends with me.

 _Me_! Just this random _ginger_ _girl_ who had no idea magic ever existed! Me, who he chose to be friends with because he just knew I was so alone! He wanted so badly to belong and when he did he risked it all just for ME! To be _my_ friend." My voice started to climb in hysterics as I held back tears.

 _Don't cry…_

"You picked on him! Poked and prodded him _every chance you got_ and each time I asked him to walk away." My voice broke, "While you've had the time of your life growing up with friends who've always been there for you, I've had to fight each day to be close to my only best friend."

 _Don't… Don't cry…_

"Just imagine one day, you just lost Sirius or Peter or Remus… how would you feel? Bet you never thought about all that, did you? Instead, you just kept pushing Severus, hurting him and using him whenever you needed a laugh. You kicked him hard enough, he broke… and who lost Potter? I lost him… he lost me. You? What did you lose? Did you even lose a wink of sleep over it?"

I sighed deeply noticing that Potter looked guilty and pained and angry and confused all at the same time. It wasn't nearly enough to match the hurt I felt.

 _Don't…_

"I'm not pathetic, Potter. I'm hurt and tired… and I can't stop feeling so _heartbroken_ … and for Merlin's sake, I don't need _you_ judging my choices!"

Potter tried to speak but I'd had enough. It was immature and emotional and gutless… and it was everything I was trying to avoid. I was trying so much to be civil and put the past behind us but, why? If he wasn't going to make the slightest effort, if he was only intent on wounding me again and again, then why should I…?

The tears I couldn't control slipped down my cheek.

"I hate you."

Potter's eyes widened suddenly looking up at me. Whatever he wished to say died in his throat. I turned swiftly and stormed back to the dorm cursing myself for ever stepping out of it.

Three hours later I fell asleep.

 _Gryffindor vs. Slytherin (Old friends)_

 _ **James:**_

The red hangings on my neighbouring bed ripped back and a messy head of black hair appeared.

"Dear Merlin!" cried Sirius looking over at me while I was in the middle of squashing my pillow into a more comfortable shape. "Something on your mind, Potter?" he asked in a faux polite tone.

"What are you on about?"

"You've been up since daybreak in Nepal! Tossing and turning and bloody well waking me up every half hour!"

I rolled my eyes at his theatricality.

"Well," Lupin's groggy voice came from the other side of my bed, "I was sleeping just fine till you started yapping, Sirius."

I gave Sirius a triumphant grin.

Sirius coughed, which sounded remarkably like "Kiss-arse". Groaning heavily he pulled himself out of bed a trotted off to the bathroom throwing his pillow savagely at my face.

I caught the pillow and pushed myself up on the bed too. My neck was completely sore from tossing around so much last night. Yet despite getting next to no sleep at all, I was wide awake.  
What a horrible state to be in.

"Sleep well?" questioned Remus observantly.

"Like a baby." 

The icy wind was a blessing on my hands, red and inflamed with fragmented splinters from the previous night's detention still sticking under the nail-beds. I'd tried to get as much of it out as possible but last night I hadn't been in the best of moods. And despite the effort, some thin splinters were still stuck under my skin shooting electric pain up my hands every so often.

Needless to say, with the odds stacked up against it, Quidditch did very little to improve my mood when we headed out of the Great Hall early morning.

"Blast this Scottish weather!" Luke Dunbar, a beater for the team loudly complained as the team followed towards the pitch.  
Sirius and I fell into step listening to Wade McGonagall (Reserve Keeper, purely a bizarre coincidence with no relation to the infinitely more intimidating McGonagall) and Leo (Beater) argue.

"Please, have you heard the chords on 'Curing Heartache'? They're fantastic." Leo said as if the argument was settled.

"Alright, fine they were alright, but believe me the band won't last."

"They will!"

"They won't" McGonagall, Sirius and I concurred at the same time.

"You too!?" Leo looked accusingly at us. Leo and Luke looked, spoke and acted as if they were brothers. No mortal being unfamiliar with their life-stories would've believed they never knew each other until they set foot at Hogwarts.

"Yes," Sirius delved to explain. "Firstly, because 'The Phantom Riders' is a horrible band-name. Secondly because their logo has a winged pixie riding a unicorn: the sort of art which frankly should be reserved for psychedelic vandalism! And thirdly, Weird Sisters have a better bass player, better vocals and generally better everything."

"You people have weird band-loyalty issues," concluded Leo, shouldering his bat as we reached the entrance to the pitch.

Sirius grinned smugly as a distant voice caught my attention.

"Easy on your left-turns, Garrow!" came an instructive tone from beyond the entrance.

"What the hell is going on?" Sirius and I quickened our pace soon reaching the gates and passing onto the field.

"Oh, you've got to be _joking_!" Sirius exclaimed as we both spotted several people in broomsticks already up in the air practicing according to their captain's instructions, each of them clad in green.

My jaw clenched and Sirius blew out a harsh angry breath making mist rise in front of him. He took a step toward the players who had paused mid-air having spotted us. I quickly flung out an arm to block his path.

Sirius looked at me angrily. "This is the third time they've rampaged on our time-slot! They did this last year! Each time we kill about half an hour of our time trying to 'figure out what went wrong'! Let's settle this!"

"No."

"Prongs!"

"Oi, I've got _five_ members on my team! I don't need my chaser benched for the season!"

Sirius growled resentfully but heeded. Taking a deep breath I curled my sore fingers over the broom-handle beside me. Pain zapped along my arm. My brain suddenly focussed suppressing my anger, reminding me that I risked Gryffindor losing our winning streak if I lost my control.

The captain of the opposing team dropped down from his broom and pulled the contraption out of mid-air. He'd grown taller over the summer, a few more freckles maybe. His eyebrows gathered in weary confusion as he stepped towards me muttering some incomprehensible instructions to his team mates over his shoulder.

"Theodore…" I acknowledged with a tight smile.

He rolled his eyes at me, "It's still Theo. What are you doing here, Jimmy?"

"I could ask you the same thing, _Theodore_. I booked the pitch for Gryffindor today. And it's James, no one's called me Jimmy since I was ten!" I added shrewdly.

"It must be a mistake…" Theodore spoke calmly ignoring my last words.

I gave an exasperated sigh, "One that seems to keep repeating!"

Theodore stopped in front of me. I distance I would have only been comfortable in with friends. He didn't seem to care. Theodore made the team two years ago and had quickly risen through the ranks. I tried not to care or focus any energy on it. I had only one goal, keep winning.

"Look, I think Downer and Foley are messing with the books," he said pulling off his gloves and pushing back his hair.

"Why would the 'Claws want to do that?"

"Do I need to spell this out for you? Of course, to pin us against one another! That way nature will take its course and _as usual_ half of each of our teams will end up in the Hospital Wing, the rest in detention."

"While _as usual_ , you wash your hands of the mess!" I said matching his tone.

"James…"

"Don't."

"Look, I don't know what your problem is-"

"You're joking, right?"

Theodore clenched his jaw before speaking loudly enough for the pitch to hear him. "Can the teams please excuse us; I need a word with the Gryffindor Captain!"

Looking daggers at the Gryffindors the Slytherins retreated several paces before heading off toward the opposite end in clusters. Sirius and I exchanged an understanding nod and he led the team away.

"Look," I turned to the Slytherin Captain once we were sufficiently alone, "Whatever you have to say I'm pretty sure I don't need to hear it."

"Would you stop acting like a child for five minutes!" he said angrily dropping the broomstick at his heels.

"Excuse me?"

Theo fisted his auburn hair irritably, "I told you, _this_ is a mistake. _Every_ time we book a slot with Downer or Foley they claim its free, we start practicing, and you lot show up claiming it's your slot!"

"You honestly expect me to believe that yarn you're spinning?"

"Listen, contrary to what you may think Potter, foiling your carefully constructed training schedule is not a top priority for me! I've got bigger problems, family problems… life and death problems!" he paused to stare intensely at me, "Not that _you'd_ care. After all, you stopped speaking to me the day we set foot in this place!" he said almost spitefully.

I rolled my eyes, "Life and death?"

"She really loved you, you know, my mum." He said in a low voice. I swallowed involuntarily. "Remember her, James? Remember how she read Beedle the Bard to us every day after lunch?"

I could see his hands shaking slightly by his side. She was a nice person, Theo's mum. Her name was Elaine. My father didn't approve of associating with Slytherins because of the reputation most of them were earning for themselves, but my mum was a rebel, always had been. She and Elaine were friends. So, of course I grew up with Theo, half the time at his house, half the time at mine.

When we came to school though, things changed. Mum had ideals, but the two houses just didn't get along. And to top it off he became fast friends with Severus Snape and the rest of the cold-blooded Slytherins Snape looked up to. So Theo and I parted ways, hardly saying more than a few words to each other over the years. But his Mum I respected still. She'd looked after me like I was her own son, as my mum did Theo. She was kind to me and cared for me. Maybe she even loved me. The thought of something bad happening to her actually made my heart beat wildly.

"Theo…" I said slowly in an attempt to sound casually interested which failed miserably, "What happened?" I asked.

Theo gave a harsh bark of bitter laughter, "Oh _now_ you care?"

"Ted… come on,"

He seemed to struggle for words. His face was contorted in agony. I could feel my instinct panic at the back of my mind thinking of the worst. I took an involuntary half-step forwards swallowing again. He backed away from me and I stopped coming to my senses.

"Tell me…" my voice could no longer hide my worry.

"He left. He just… left." Ted spoke to the ground his eyes unfocused.

"Who…?" I asked cautiously.

"Bryce…" He swallowed hard, and looking at my blank expression, "He left a couple of months ago…"

"Left…?" I was trying to grasp it but…

And then Theo looked up at me, his blue eyes wide with horror. "He left to join them," he whispered.

I felt my blood run cold. _No!_  
" _The Death Eaters_!?" I hissed.

"Shhhh!" he censured angrily with a worried half-glance at the group of red and green in the distance.

I ran my tongue over my dry lips wondering what an earth I could say to him. My mind was running blank, but I had to say… something. Didn't I? If _she_ can take back vermin that had tainted her life, there was certainly place to comfort an estranged old friend who had lost a great deal. 

_Bryce… Merlin, who'd have thought._

Bryce was Theo's oldest brother. Like his parents, Bryce was also a Slytherin but unlike Ted and his parents, Bryce had little choice to belong to any other house.

"Mum didn't speak for days, not even when I left. Dad just kept saying, 'Act normally… act normally…" Theo's voice became hopeless and hollow, "How?"

I felt a sudden pang. This was someone I'd known for a long time. I'd let him go because he was a Slytherin, and he was making all the wrong choices in the people he chose to surround himself with. I thought _'Dad's right. You can never trust a Slytherin!'_ And I idolized my father. The stupidity of my judgement and how I'd never questioned it hit me all at once. I moved to take a step towards him to at least show a shadow of an attempt of comforting him.

"Don't!" he warned stiffening, "Everyone's watching… listening."

He was right. A few heads were turned discreetly towards us, both Gryffindors and Slytherins.

"Ted-"

"It's not just me, James." Theo continued in his quiet distant voice, "Look around." I followed his gaze out into the field spotted with red and green clad players, "Sure, there maybe a few stupid meatheads in Slytherin who'd be proud that someone they know bears the Mark. But look at the rest, they look broken and hopeless. Distant… Just hoping that the people they love chose the right side."

"What does that mean?" I asked although I had a feeling I already knew.

"One from each family I suspect. It's not really an invitation you can say no to…"

I felt bile rise up in my stomach. It couldn't be… How many?

"They came for them?"

"No…," he said with more despair, "That's the worst… They all join willingly, don't' they? Bryce started this job at the Ministry. Three weeks in, he came home talking about how 'The Dark Lord' had the right idea! It shocked the hell out of us, we thought he was having a laugh but he was completely brainwashed.

He kept saying we had rights and the muggles were stripping us of them one by one… We can't wear what we like 'cos we have to blend in, we can't travel whenever we want wherever we want because we shouldn't be seen. We tried to reason with him, but he just wouldn't listen. He got… violent. And then he just… left."

My throat had gone dry. I'd known Bryce. He wasn't the most cheerful person but Bryce had played Quidditch with us at their house. He'd taken us fishing. I had pictures with him and Ted… I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Do you remember your tenth birthday when we spied on your parents talking to each other?"

I did, it was late after the party when I'd begged Theo's parents to let him sleepover and my mum had tucked us in for the third time. We'd used our training wands to accidentally animate my dad's favourite loafers which tried to make a break for it. We scarpered after them and caught them under the kitchen table only to come upon my parents standing by the door of the kitchen deep in conversation.

"Your father, he said there was a war coming but none of us had any idea who or what the enemy was, how many of them there were or how far they'd go… Now the war is upon us and still, we're no better prepared for 'the Dark Lord' He's just always ten steps ahead…"

A moment of silence passed as we both stood in a shivering wind. And then the air was still again.

Theo sighed loudly and he pulled his shoulders up. He'd always been a tough child, picking himself up when he fell. Never crying, just dusting off the dirt and moving on. But something behind his blue eyes looked broken.

"I don't think I'm feeling all that well enough for practice, Potter. You may continue with your training, my apologies on behalf of my team for any delay we may have caused." He gave a courteous smile and a half-nod. His sharp business-like tone surprised me and I automatically stiffened.

Ted picked up his broom and called for his team who instantly flew to him.  
"Dismount and head to the showers." He said firmly.

The team looked confused and exchanged glances but unquestioningly obeyed him. I felt a twinge of envy at his excellent leadership. If I'd said this to my team I would have been greeted by "James, what the f-" before I cut them off with " _I'm captain_! What I say goes!"

Sirius reached my side and behind him, the rest of my team lagged.

"Potter," Theo held out his hand, I numbly slipped my hand into his, shaking it without thought.  
"Hope you have a good practice."

"Yeah, now that-" I elbowed Sirius in the ribs as he was about to rebuke. Theo's eyes flashed over to my shoulder where Sirius stood coughing.  
"Uhmm… thanks, McKinnon." Sirius said instead.

We watched the Slytherins leave just as it started to drizzle lightly, Theodore McKinnon trailing behind his team.

"You actually got him to give up the pitch," marvelled Sirius, "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing…" 

_**Lily**_

No matter the internal drama and chaos, when a friend asks politely to be a supportive encourager when she's about to take a big step she's not entirely sure about, one just had to comply.

"Lily! I need you to come down with me to the Quidditch pitch. I'm going to train today and try out for the team." The girl with her short crop of dark hair walked into the dormitory in her towel leaving a watery track of footprints from the bathroom behind her.  
Well, that was as polite as Quinn ever got.

"Quinn… I-What?" I dropped the book I was reading and sat up on my bed.

"Oh! Yes, I'm playing Quidditch this year. I think it'll be great! I'm going to train today and you're coming with me."

"But-"

"Yes it's raining, no it's not a sign and yes you are still coming with me. Put on an impervious spell or something witch!" she said busying herself at the drawers by her bedside.

 _Or I could just bring an umbrella, you know, like all normal people._

"Oh and don't tell anyone, at least not until I make the team!"  
She straightened up with a white t-shirt and some supportive underwear.

 _Well, at least she was being sensibly dressed for this nonsensical idea._

Ten minutes later she was walking ten steps ahead of me, Cait and Mary. Quinn wore a set of black and tan Quidditch training gear that she had ordered by owl-mail the instant she'd dreamed up the idea of being on the Quidditch team, and matched it with a frown and a constant stream of muttering.

"You think she's upset you told us?" Cait asked softly, her brown eyes earnest as she fiddled with her braid of dark hair.

"I think she's probably upset in the same sense that Filch gets upset when someone accidentally leaves a dungbomb in his office," Mary said to my left.

I laughed at the pair of them and hurried to keep up with Quinn.

Once we were outdoors the rain seemed thicker than we realised and we hurriedly pulled up our umbrellas though Quinn continued to battle the rain unguarded since she'd get wet up in the air anyway.

"Remind me why I'm here?" Mary asked somewhat regrettably over the rain.

"You want me to help you with Astronomy so you're happy to accompany me right now!" I replied.

"Oh, right! Yes, ecstatic!"

We reached the gates to the Quidditch pitch, our boots already mud-caked having sloshed through the wet grounds. Quinn had paused in front of us and we came to stand just behind her wondering why she stopped.

"Quinn?" asked Cait cautiously.

But I'd already seen them and stopped dead in my tracks as well. Black and Potter. Drenched by the rain. Hair matted to their faces with mud, grime and rain as they approached.

Quinn took a step back.

"Ouch! Quinn!" Mary exclaimed as Quinn stepped on her foot. Her outcry had called the boys' attention.

"Quinn?" Sirius called surprised.

"Uhh… Hey," Quinn said awkwardly. She made a move to look away from him as Sirius' eyes stayed glued to her disbelivingly. I felt horrible and started looking for an escape.

Potter on the other hand, "What the hell are you wearing, Dalton?"

For some unknown reason (as if he needed a reason) James Potter and Quinn Dalton had never gotten along with each other even though his best friend had chosen to date her.

Quinn seemed to regain her voice, "I'm… err, training…" she said somewhat confidently, her shoulders squared. "To join the team," she added as an afterthought.

"I beg your pardon?" Potter asked with an arched eyebrow as if questioning her sanity. Sirius elbowed him in the ribs. I wanted to _punch_ him, in fact, Mary was holding me back.

"I'll be going for try-outs," Quinn replied.

"You've never _flown_ before!" said Potter, continuing to be a prat.

"I know… it'll take some work-"

"Some work? The try-outs are next _week_!"

"I will be ready by then," Quinn continued though her confidence had faltered slightly.

"She says she'll be ready. _She will be ready!_ " the words were out of my mouth and I didn't even realise. Everyone else seemed just as surprised as I was, though if it were the words or the anger in them that shocked them, I couldn't tell.

James Potter's eyes found mine for the first time that day and they gleamed with some hidden emotion.

 _I hate you…_

Last night still hung unresolved between us. But I couldn't stand what he was doing to my friend.

Sirius said something quietly to James that got swallowed in the soft sheets of rain. But James wasn't having it as he shook his head as chastised him back. Just then the rest of team reached the pair.

"Hey, Quinn! You trying out?" Luke called out excitedly waving at her.

"Great! We could use a curve ball to throw at the Slytherins!" chimed in Wade McGonagall. In response, James looked incredulously at them. Finally, he gave an exasperated sigh and broke away from the group walking forward slowly.

His eyes narrowed and jaws clenched as he approached us, I was fairly sure I'd never seen James Potter this way. He was hardly recognizable. Rain drops glittered on the surface of his glasses. Behind them, his eyes were in turmoil.

"You're wasting your precious time, Dalton," he said. His voice had changed suddenly and I knew what he said, he meant. It wasn't a disrespectful jeer anymore. It was advice, quiet and honest.  
More than anything else James had said so far, that seemingly changed Quinn's certainty. Her chest rose and fell and I clutched her elbow.

Then James' eyes slid over to me and he was much too close to ignore what was in his eyes. A deep cutting pain, mixed with an almost self-loathing anguish. I felt my breath hitch. And then he was gone, the tip of my umbrella rib scratching the wet skin of his cheek.

 _(To be continued)_

_**Now tell me all about it! :)**_


	8. Chapter 8: Confrontations Part II

_**A/N: Welcome back! It's been aeons! Thank you to all those who still read this**_

 _ **This is dedicated to all my lovely reviewers new and old.**_

 _ **This ended up being the longest chapter yet! Do let me know what you think!**_

* * *

 _ **Quinn/James (Of Mountains and Wild Winds)**_

 _ **Quinn's POV**_

Something was very wrong with James Potter. I could sense it. And I was hardly a person to leave well enough alone. So I trudged angrily up the stairs to confront him tracking rain and mud all over the marble floors, ignoring Filch's outraged cries.

James and I had never been on the best of terms. It was ridiculous really, we both came from strong pureblood families and unavoidably ran into each other a lot as kids. Our mothers too were good friends.

James came late to the Potter family so hopeful of a child to carry on their name. Close friends of the Potter's had children who were close to starting at Hogwarts by the time James came around. As such toddler playmates were hard to come by. I was the second child of my family and probably a drunken mistake too as I arrived nine years after my brother, just in time to be James Potter's unwilling playdate!

Even as a toddler James Potter was an anarchist! He wreaked havoc with his lunch, always found delight at pulling on my curls, cried whenever I picked up his favourite toys and smacked me with his toy broom every chance he got. Over time he learnt new tricks like tripping me over the last step of the staircase or sliding frogs into the back of my dress or putting cat-poop in my hair.

I bloody hated that brat of a human being and couldn't wait to be rid of him.

James Potter was an absolute menace and nothing's changed a decade later.

"What the hell are you wearing, Dalton?" James had enunciated each word.

I was not one to feel self-conscious really. I felt that I didn't need to be.

But I was standing at the edge of a pitch while the rain-drenched me, sticking the already figure-hugging Quidditch gear to my body while my badly cut short hair was going limp and dripping into my back. I was holding a broom I didn't know how to use yet and James, who'd won nearly every Quidditch game he'd partaken in, was looking at me like I was a turd on the ground while standing next to the boy I didn't know I cared so much about. Suddenly I didn't have any witty comebacks.

All I could say was the truth and it sounded weak even to my own ears.

"I'm training... To join the team,"

"I beg your pardon?" James said in a voice that clearly said _"You must be joking"_.

I felt Sirius's eyes on me. And my decisions seemed more foolish with every passing second. I could talk myself up to doing just about anything. I didn't weigh risks and strategize like Lily, I dove in believing I could come out on top. I often did.

Problem was, James was exactly like me. Ultimately he was the captain of the Gryffindor team. He'd led the team to victory match after match ever since he'd become captain, and no matter how much I could pep talk myself into doing the impossible, I had to convince him to be part of the team.

Looking at James Potter then with his jaw set stubbornly, his eyes narrowed, he looked like a mountain that wouldn't budge no matter how much the wind howled.

But there was something more... I could sense it as I stared back at him. His anger was deeper than our usual bickering and disagreements. There was something dark in his voice. James looked scathing... as if there was a poison crawling beneath his skin. He brushed past us roughly. Sirius looked at me apologetically but followed, along with the three remaining players, leaving me in the rain.

I've been told I'm generally too curious for my own good. And I don't take 'No' for an answer. This is true.

No matter how much I pushed myself off the slippery mud and back onto the broom it didn't matter, my mind was elsewhere. The rain splattered on me threatening me to stay on the ground I fell upon for the fifteenth time. It wasn't raining too hard, but for a beginner in broken spirits, it was a death sentence.

Mary pleaded me to come off the pitch, but I couldn't let anything pull me under. Because feeling I wasn't good enough was stronger than gravity, bitter than weakness, harder than falling off a broom at twelve feet.

Lily was there of course, with Cait and Mary in the stands. Mary protecting them from the rain, Lily protecting me as I fell. After what felt like hours Lily coaxed me off the pitch covered in mud and probably looking like a pathetic mess. The rain had thinned but hadn't stopped. The four of us made our way back to the castle in a huddle.

The smell of fresh baked muffins and crumpets came from the Great Hall. Afternoon Tea was being served. As if on cue Mary's stomach growled.

I smiled at her. "Go ahead, I'm going upstairs to shower anyway. I'll catch up"

"We'll save you a seat" Mary promised and headed into the Great Hall with Cait.

I headed up the stairs. Lily met Austin Bradbury halfway and broke off to discuss something or other Prefect-duty related.

As I reached the top of the staircase I heard whispers off to the side which ceased as I arrived on the top step. The sudden silence called my attention and I turned to see -I wouldn't say my worst nightmare, it wasn't nearly as dramatic as all that- but I certainly wasn't ecstatic to see Sirius Black either.

Sirius was discussing something with Remus who leaned against the balustrade with an expression of confusion and interest, listening as Sirius explained something in hushed tones before my untimely arrival had frozen them in place.

"Hey..." Sirius said lamely a short half-second late.

"Umm... hey" it wasn't time for witty retorts. I was certainly not presentable enough for them.

"So..." Sirius was struggling to tack on a second line of conversation.

I couldn't stand to hear more. I was rather humiliated and I hated facing him in that state. I relied then on anger, which had never failed me. Instead of suppressing it I let it take over, feeling the burn as it filled my veins. I gripped my broom handle till my knuckles turned white.

"Where is he?" I felt the words cut savagely through me, enough to startle the two boys.

"Err... who?" Sirius pretended.

I kept my narrowed eyes on him and saw Remus give a very subtle nudge.

"He's in the loos, first floor" Sirius said dejectedly.

I gave a stiff nod, threw my broom to Sirius who caught it just before it could smack him across the face. Without a second glance, I headed back down the stairs.

When I walked off the pitch I had carefully constructed all the pros and cons of my being on the team to diplomatically explain to the Captain how I would be an asset. The conversation now going through my head was anything but diplomatic and had a few choice curse words repeating every few minutes. Also possibly Led Zeppelin's _Immigrant Song_ playing in the background of my subconscious.

I reached the first-floor boy's bathroom seemingly without realising it. I deliberated for maybe half a second whether this was actually a good plan or if anyone in there would think of me as Moaning Myrtle's deranged cousin, Crackpot Quinn. Then James Potter's condescending drawling voice filled my head, "You've never _flown_ before!"

Channelling the heat of my anger, I kicked the door open, realising then that it hadn't actually been locked but not minding the dramatic flair as it banged off the wall.

"Fuck!" James exclaimed loudly, " _Dalton_!? This is the _boy's_ lavatory!" I found him perched on the edge of a sink with steaming water running off the tap.

"Sirius told me you'd be here," I said my voice not nearly as raised as I'd hoped.

There was a nervous tickle in the pit of my stomach now that I was confronting him. I'd been too angry about myself and my stupid plan and more maddened by how James had belittled me that I hadn't given thought to what I was coming down here to say.

James closed the tap and jumped down from the sink shaking his head, "Great! Sirius knows every time I take a leak? We need to have a conversation."

I sighed, more to steady myself. "I need to talk to you."

James looked at me incredulously, "Now? In _here_?"

"Yes!"

James rolled his eyes and crossed his arms gingerly, "Fine. What?"

But I had completely lost my train of thought. "Oh my God! James, what the hell did you do to your hands?"

"What?" he looked at them as if seeing them for the first time. There was blood all over his hands. He was bleeding.

"You're bleeding! Were you trying to pull out your nails?"

James turned his stare at me, "Well that _is_ the most logical assumption isn't it?"

I shook my head disbelievingly and stepped toward him grabbing his hands for a closer look without quite realising it until James resisted in pain.

"Ah! Easy! Easy!"

It looked bad, to be honest. His fingers were swollen and reddened, there were small spots along his fingers that continued to bleed blossoming one small red droplet after another. I could tell he was in pain. There were thin needle-like wooden splinters burrowed into the skin. Easily remedied if he hadn't left them there like an idiot looking for a quick-fix.

I could feel it triggering me... I swallowed and pushed away the thought of my mum in her sick-bed. Instead, I focused on the hands before me.

"How the bloody hell did this happen?" I wondered aloud.

James said nothing looking instead at the bathroom floor.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "This got anything to do with why you and Lily are rowing again?"

James' brown eyes flitted back to me bewildered, "Your imagination is a terrifying place."

"I know my best friend"

"Funny. She said she didn't have any left."

 _Urgh, of course! Idiot James!_ "Did you make a dig about Snape again?"

"No" James re-examined the grout lines.

"Really?" I sighed exasperatedly, forgetting my own issues and why I was there in the boy's loos holding James Potter's swollen hands, "After everything last year? Fantastic James!"

I shook my head and headed off to the wall by the door. I may not have wanted to admit it when I was trying to deal with my own problems but Lily had been heartbroken throughout the summer after that whole ordeal with Snape.

I pressed my palm against the stone that had the engraved symbol of a potion bottle on it and it opened up to reveal a collection of medical concoctions, salves, a bezor and fresh bandages.

"How did you do that?" asked James bewildered.

I turned to find him staring perplexedly after me, "What? It's a first aid box."

"I didn't know there were first aid boxes in the loos. How long has that been there?"

"Since the beginning? They kept medicinal herbs, antidotes and bezors all over the castle because students who enrolled at Hogwarts were apparently idiots and prone to accidents. After a while, they used them to stock remedies for stomach upsets and lotions to clean cuts and bruises."

"So we're still idiots?" James asked sheepishly.

"Apparently so," I gave him a pointed look. "Let me have a look, that seems pretty bad," I said gathering what I needed and moving to the sink.

James's hands still bled slowly. He'd tried to extract some of the needles embedded inside but I guessed the pain had stopped him from experimenting much further.

"Ah! Easy! Come on!" James protested every time I tried to pick out a splinter. "You need some work on your bedside manner," he said with a grimace. "Always so bossy, even when we were kids!"

I said nothing, instead focussing on the task at hand. Thinking back would have taken me home, and I couldn't let my mind go there right then. I shook the small glass vial watching the bluish liquid foam a little inside and set about dabbing the small bleeding spots on James's hands with it. His left worse than his right hand.

I wondered how much pain he might have actually endured thus far.

My hands worked automatically, putting pain-relieving salves and trying to pull out as many splinters as I could, dabbing at the fresh blood and resuming.

James fell quiet and gave me silence to work, which was a relief, though I could feel his eyes on me. I pressed the steel forceps to his skin, again and again, to get the splinters out and James didn't utter a word. It was highly unusual.

James complained about everything. But then again... I'd seen James and Sirius covered in cuts and bruises sometimes the occasional black-eye, laughing together as they sat at breakfast debating who looked worse.

 _Odd..._ I thought. James didn't mind the cuts and bruises he got from Quidditch training, woke up at the crack of dawn to run, and still (infuriatingly) maintained decent grades without letting his inventive pranks take a backseat.

I realised then that my hands had stopped working. Instinctively, I looked up and saw him staring at me.

James cleared his throat looking away, "I put some dittany on it. Didn't help." he seemed compelled to say.

"Yes, I see that," I said resuming, "It was pointless to put the dittany while the splinters were still inside, the skin just healed on top of them. That's probably what caused the swelling. It looks infected. Just hold on while I clean it."

"Most girls don't like the sight of blood," James said quietly. There was a moment of silence while I pulled out another splinter with unusual difficulty. James grimaced slightly but didn't protest.

"You're misinformed," I replied dropping the needle onto the water tray. Blood spread out unfurling like whirls of red smoke through the clear water, "Nevertheless, I'm not most girls."

"Clearly" he was almost smiling.

"Besides, it's blood, not... pus."

"Oh, huzzah!" James gave another flat look.

I rolled my eyes resuming to touch the steel point of the forceps to the next splinter. And that's when I noticed it... The splinter _moved_! Burrowing deeper into the flesh as if it was _alive,_ as if it could sense it was being pulled out!

I pulled back in alarm.

"What...?"

"How did you say this happened?"

"I... didn't"

"James."

"Leave it, Dalton." James gave me a warning look.

"Fine," I said pulling out the splinter I was after before it could wriggle further, he winced in pain once more yet bore it well, "but I think you should know, you've been cursed."

"What?"

"Don't tell me you didn't notice that you were utterly useless in trying to pull out those splinters."

"It's not like I had hands to spare!"

"It's because the splinters kept burrowing into your skin the more you tried to pull them out!"

James clenched his jaws as if there was something particularly foul swirling within his mouth. I had a guess though I didn't voice it.

"You need to see Pomfrey,"

"She'll ask too many questions."

"Not if you admit it was your fault"

James gave me an impatient look.

"Just so she focuses on the healing" I added.

A few minutes later I was done. I'd managed to get all but the most stubborn splinters out. James was running out of patience so I applied a thin coat of dittany to the bleeding wounds after cleaning them and wrapped them in clean bandages.

"Done"

"Nice handiwork," James said appreciatively flexing out his fingers to test the movement. He then pulled down the sleeves of his cardigan to cover the bandages.

"You should still let Madam Pomfrey take a look at it and see. She could probably give you something better for the pain too. This won't last very long" I gave him the blue glass vial.

"This'll do. Thanks..."

James took the vial and gave me a calculating look. I could see he was about to say something and was just about to tell him I didn't need his thanks when he spoke.

"Look, Quinn..." he began more softly using my proper name for the first time. "We've... had our differences... but I'm not saying this out of insensitivity. This was nice of you and I'm sure a rare moment of compassion and I thank you. Really, I appreciate it. But I'm sorry, this doesn't change anything else... I can't grant you favours on the day of the try-outs."

I felt myself stiffen but didn't want to take a step back from him. The familiar ripple of anger ran through me, "I didn't come here to ask for favours, Potter! You know that's not in me to expect. And frankly, that's insulting!"

A look of regret coloured his face as James attempted to speak again holding his hands up defensively but I was done listening.

"What I _want_ is for you to not have your mind made up against me before the try-outs!" I spoke over him forcing myself to be heard, "I am more hard-working and disciplined than anyone you'll meet in our year. You have not seen me when I've wanted to reach a goal. I can do this."

James tilted his head to the side, after a brief moment of silence he looked me in the eye and spoke. It wasn't his usual careless banter, light-hearted quips, or our own habitual stiff pleasantry. He was trying to be sincere and I could see it in his eyes.

"I do know you, Quinn... I know you're determined, driven and you can't deal with things being less than perfect. But you can't handle rejection either..."

No matter how he intended it, the words stung. "Why are you _so_ against me trying out? I don't understand..."

James sighed slowly, "Quinn... I've been riding since I was _three_ , playing since I was seven. Been on the team for five years, and Captain for two. Trust me when I'm telling you, Quidditch is not pottery. You can't just wake up one day and decide you want to play. You need to train, to fly, to swerve, to twist, to take a hit, to stay on your broom and not drop the ball during an attack, to stay steady against wind, rain and hail. You have to put in _hours_ of training a day for months _at least_... I'm sorry Quinn, I just don't think you can play even if you manage to fly by the end of the week."

I felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I hated this wall I was pressed up against, feeling weak not being able to claw through it.

"What are you saying? That there's nothing I can do out there to change your mind?"

James spoke more softly, keeping his eyes on me, "I'm not, _I swear_ , I'm not trying to hurt you." Even as I wished to hate him for what he was saying I heard his earnestness, "I just... I _need_ to pick players who can help us win. As Captain, I owe the team that. I know kids who've put in months, entire summers, even years into this. If you start today by try-outs you'll have been training for a week! Even if by some miracle you do a good job at try-outs, I'm forced to accept it for exactly that: a miracle. And I can't bank on _miracles_ , Quinn. _I can't_."

I looked at James then, actually seeing him. James and I hadn't spent much time together since we came to Hogwarts. I hated him as a child and couldn't wait to be rid of him. In fact, Lily and I actually bonded because of our mutual distaste of the fellow. This felt like the longest uninterrupted conversation we'd had in years.

James's baby-fat was gone. The plump cheeks, the missing two front teeth and side-parted magically sleeked-out black hair was all gone. James Potter had grown up before me and I hadn't even seen it. His face was an array of symmetric angles which took away the deceptively innocent look he'd had as a child. His teeth were perfect, though now hidden behind the soft but firm set of his mouth. I'd hate to recount the number of bets I'd lost wishing a spectacular Quidditch accident would render him toothless. His hair stood up in all directions, a messy work of art with a life of its own. And his eyes, they'd always been lit up with wonder and mischief and I'd hated that look which meant he'd come up with another terribly inventive prank. But now... they just looked at me softly, with something so close to pity.

And I felt it again. That same feeling I got when I slid off the broom and fell: a sense of inadequacy, useless against gravity... against him. I breathed slowly to steady myself. The smart choice would have been to accept this with grace and walk away with the last shred of self-respect I had, and realise not all things can be done on a whim. But I did say, I don't take 'No' for an answer.

"James, I'm not looking for special treatment. I don't want it, I don't need it." I said straightening up, keeping my eyes level, "What I _need_ is for you to give me a chance. A _real_ chance to prove I'm good enough. If you don't think I am the best choice, then, by all means, choose someone you feel is better suited" I offered diplomatically. "But if I _am_ good enough, you shouldn't think that it's a miracle, James, because it wouldn't be. It would be me putting everything on the line to prove my worth. What you should think, is that if I can do this in a week, what could I do in a month? What could I do in a year?"

James kept his eyes on me for a quiet moment, then his expression softened and his mouth pulled up at the corners. "Boy, the sorting hat never had a chance with you, did it?"

I smiled appreciatively.

"Fine. Prove me wrong, Dalton. _That_ can be your miracle."

Yes, it was a nice little speech. Did it make me feel good? Yes, yes it did.

Did it do anything to help me stay on my broom? Absolutely not.

After I'd given James the impression he was about to see the reincarnation of Filemina Alchin, the legendary seeker of Gryffindor, at the upcoming try-outs, I'd wasted no time in trying to prove the point. The rain all but gone I headed back to the muddy grounds in better spirits to practice, this time alone.

I decided to use the school-supplied training-brooms until I was comfortable with being airborne on a tree branch. My Cleansweep was far too sensitive. Besides, I was used to riding the school brooms in our Flying Lessons.

At least I could hover and touch down safely. Most of the time.

However, it didn't take long for my new found self-confidence to flicker and die out.

Truthfully, flying was hard work. Every time I had a grip, the wind would take me off guard and I'd slide right off.

I found myself raking my fingernails along the wooden handle of the broom desperately trying to stay upright. After about an hour I decided to head back and try again tomorrow.

I was completely sore from all the falls I'd taken. I could barely put one step in front of the other. There were layers to the mud caked on me and my hair was in a dreadful state. In short, I was in a foul mood.

"That was entertaining," I heard a tinkling voice speak as I kicked my broom into the training-broom cabinet. She stood leaning beside Quidditch Supplies Room. I'd missed her presence in the dark.

Evane Griffiths, she came from a generation of tradition-breakers. She was the Slytherin Seeker and the only female Quidditch Player currently on any Hogwarts School Team. If there was anything that would have made me more irritable then, this was it: meeting Evane Griffiths, whose entire family had excelled in what I was quickly realising I was rubbish at.

She looked the extreme opposite of me right then. It was as if she was planted there for dramatic contrast. She was taller, leaner, and fairer with long blonde hair softly cascading down her shoulders and flowing infinitesimally though there was no wind in the dead air after the rain.

 _Not a single spot of mud on her._

"Hell'r you doing here?" I said by way of greeting.

"Good evening to you too," she said amusedly. The torches in the grounds and the pitch flickered to light then and I could make out more detail. She was dressed in all black Quidditch training gear and wore an entertained expression.

"I was just coming out to train and then I spotted you..." her smile stretched, "It was entertaining enough I decided to stop and watch."

"Well the shows over," I snapped back without missing a beat, "and I don't do autographs."

I locked the Quidditch supplies room magically and stowed my wand.

"Listen, it's admirable what you're trying to do," Evane said looking somewhat sincere (as far as Slytherins could). "I heard you and James Potter got into a rumpus about fair try-outs."

"Oh yeah it was on the Evening Prophet I think"

"Look, what I'm trying to say is..."

I stopped to face her directly. "If you're about to say 'Us girls need to stick together' I will vomit right here on your perfectly polished boots!"

Evane made a face. "I'd like to help. And I'll be honest, you need it."

Feeling worse than I looked I headed back to Gryffindor tower to shower off the mud and shame trying not to pay attention to the looks of disgust I got from the portraits on the way up.

I had very limited options, I realised while I contemplated letting the steaming hot water run over my aching body. I could keep my pride and continue to be rubbish at Quidditch and gain nothing or I could chew my tongue and let Little Miss Perfect teach me the ropes. To be honest it wasn't like I had people lining up to train me.

Mary and Edith were seated cross-legged on the floor of the dormitory joined by Bina from the dorm next to ours. She waved warmly and invited to join them with a game of Exploding Snap. I declined politely and moved to my bed swiftly collapsing upon it.

"Sorry, I don't think I can stay upright anymore," I said closing my eyes and feeling the weight of exhaustion. I loved pushing my limits, the aftermath- not so much.

"So, how was practice?" Mary asked with an amused voice.

"I brought half the pitch back with me that ought to tell you,"

"Are you trying out for Gryffindor!?" asked Bina in her usual sing-song voice with a slight element of surprise at the end.

"I... might," I said but Edith spoke over me. "Of course she is, and she's going to be great!"

"I wouldn't be so confident, Eid" I tried not to think about how much everything would hurt tomorrow. It already felt almost unbearable. My legs weighed down like lead on the bed refusing to move, there were knots all over my spine and my neck ached something horrible. Starving seemed like a heavenly option compared to going back down to the Great Hall for dinner.

Mary gave me a potion she used for period cramps which she thought might help so I downed it in one go and collapsed back into my pillows.

"Thanks," I said as if I was dying.

"Sure," she said smiling down and pushing my hair out of my face, "Get some rest, Warrior Queen!" She tucked me into my duvet, "I'm off to the Library or Lily will eat my head."

And with that, the exhaustion pulled me under.

* * *

 _ **James vs. Lily (Trials and Tribulations)**_

 ** _James POV_**

 _Fucking Snape._

 _That twat never had the gall to do anything but fight dirty!_

I was sat in the Library after a quick supper finishing my essay with Peter beside me doodling on his parchment.

 _Of course, that prick cursed it!_

I'd cleaned out hundreds of wooden barrels before during detentions and never gotten a scratch on me. It was almost laughable that I hadn't realised it. But Dalton was right, the splinters resisted being pulled out and my hands weren't completely healed. As soon as the potions wore off the pain began to come back.

Remus generously made a copy of his class-notes for me, and Peter volunteered to write my DADA essay for me. But seeing as he hadn't finished his own, that was pointless. Setting homework due on a weekend after right after the first class! Everyone already hated the new DADA teacher.

 _The blithering idiot._

After seriously considering getting plastered at three in the afternoon I decided to ride out the pain with some ice. By supper, I was ready to hex a Slytherin into a Flobberworm. Remus sat beside me, muttering about setting a new record for earliest detention received during a term. Having been given detention by Moody-Old-Minnie upon reaching Hogsmead at the start of fourth year, that seemed impossible (We charmed the Hogwarts Express to leave early, some - _many_ \- students got left behind at King's Cross. They had to bring in Obliviators! It was hilarious until they made us scrub Moaning Myrtle's bathroom for a fortnight!).

Since my hand wasn't showing any signs of improvement I took another anaesthetic potion after an early supper and dragged Peter to the Library to finish up on our essays.

Half-an-hour passed and I had made little headway. I tried to push away the thought but each stroke of the quill felt painful and I didn't know how much longer I could bear it.

"Your hand's not better is it?" I looked up to find Peter watching me with a guilty expression while chewing end of his quill. "I told you, you should have left me to it. Snape wouldn't have cared enough to try hexing me. He thinks I'm pathetic. And now your hands are messed up."

"Hey," I turned to face him, "you are _not_ pathetic. And no, I don't think it would've made a difference which of us ended up scrubbing that barrel. It wasn't your fault, let it go. How's it coming with that essay?" I asked.

"But..." Peter began sadly.

"I'll be fine, Wormtail. Just try and get the work done. You have an Astronomy chart to finish too remember?"

"Oh shit," cursed Peter causing a second-year passing by to frown at him, "I'm going get a Late-Submission detention if I don't get it done by tomorrow."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. _Every time._

"I'll lend you mine, you can add in whatever you haven't finished mapping already."

We both returned to our essays for a while. The Library was a good place as any to study and finish off homework I suppose. I preferred the Common Room though, with its crackling warm fire and plush cushions. I liked to sit there late and night when no one was around and I had the room to myself and finish off all my homework. I found I worked much faster and more effectively that way.

Peter, however, needed supervision. Close supervision. And if he got himself in detention that would ruin our plans to raid Honeydukes next week.

After what felt like another half-hour I was done and after I'd dictated some ideas for his, Peter was done too. I corrected his homework while he pulled out and examined the Map.

"Hey, do you want to go to the kitchens on the way back?"

I raised an eyebrow, "On the way?"

Peter rolled his eyes, "Fine, do you want to?"

I shook my head and handed his essay back, "I'd say a solid A"

"What? I wrote two feet! I thought at least an E!"

"Wormtail, writing bigger and spacing more doesn't make it two feet!"

Wormtail grinned sheepishly.

"I best be off. Oh and... Evans's heading to the Library!" Peter wiped the Map and handed it back to me. He then collected his things, gave me a thumbs up and headed out.

Just as he reached the entrance the double doors pulled apart and admitted Lily Evans and Mary McDonald. I prayed for patience.

I could see Lily's expression turn sour as she found me in her line of vision. I gave her a placid smile and returned to my work. History of Magic was something I tended to put off until the last moment possible but I didn't know how bad the night was going to be with my hand so I decided I'd finish it.

I felt myself growing more and more frustrated as I wrote. My handwriting was, though not elegant, legible and clear, but with my mangled hand, it looked like I was writing in runes.

Every book I had to open and refer left like a gargantuan task.

I'd suffered through broken bones, bruised and bloodied limbs, concussions and worse and it frustrated me that a few small splinters and a fucking hex could push me this far off the edge. Ultimately, in spite of my efforts, I decided to give up and go the hospital wing. If Pomfrey had questions I would deal with them then.

I pushed the contents littered across the desk into my book bag and closed it. My fingertips hurt as I snapped on the fastenings. The books had to be replaced, regrettably and I had to carry them back and push them on to their shelves. It was painful but I got through it when I felt someone watching behind me. The hairs on my neck were raised.

I whipped around nearly cricking my neck. Of course, it was Lily Evans.

"What?" I asked, a little more accusatory than intended.

"Nothing."

I resisted the urge to make a face at her.

"Just..." she began again in a low voice, "you didn't have an audience, so..."

 _Walk away, James. Just one foot in front of the other and just walk back to your seat._

"What?"

Lily turned tucking a stray lock of red behind her ear. Under the sharp lighting of the library, her features seemed gaunter than I was accustomed to, stealing away that maddening allure her face always had. There was a soft dusting of freckles scattered on her nose. Her ears were pink at the tips. Her eyebrows, a dark auburn, were knitted together somewhat crossly.

"You didn't have an audience," Lily repeated leaning against the bookshelf, her arms were crossed across her petite frame the grey sleeves of her cardigan pushed up to her elbows cradling a thick volume between them, "So I was wondering whom you were milking it for..."

"Milking it?" I asked and realised just a second later, "Oh, you mean my hands..."

Lily raised her eyebrow knowingly.

Sometimes- well, most times- I'm mad for her. But sometimes I just want to kick her down a flight of stairs.

"Thanks for noticing."

"James! And Lily! Well _thank Merlin_ I found you two!" Mary said loudly with sheer sarcasm, appearing at my shoulder her eyes widened to their limit and her wiry blonde hair tangled about her flushed face.

"SHHHHH!"

Mary dropped her voice, "You know I could've sworn I smelled smoke just a minute ago... And seeing as you are a Prefect Lily and you are well, you James... Maybe you both can help me find the source?"

I liked her sarcasm and Mary was an entertaining girl, I smiled easily at her "Rest easy, McDonald. No fires here."

"Could've fooled me" Mary muttered almost inaudibly. I waved her goodbye and left gathering my belongings.

The hospital wing was alive like buzzing bee-hive.

Professor Kettleburn's Care of Magical Creatures class had had a horrible accident when the fourth-year resident dimwit decided to coax his friends to pet the Murtlaps in the tank and they'd started attacking not just said dimwit but the entire class.

Who was responsible was very clear as he sat on a bed with a substantially large amount of bandage on him and far away from the rest who were staring daggers at him whilst nursing their own injuries.

Madam Pomfrey didn't have much time to register my presence as she was running about the premises with trays laden with potions. There were about half a dozen with a bad case of ague and several others who'd gone poking about the Greenhouses when the Fire-flower plants were in full bloom.

While the juice of a Fireflower had excellent healing properties, the pollen of a flower in full bloom was not nearly as generous. When inhaled accidentally it could cause a severe reaction causing a terrible burning in the nose and throat and sometimes leading to people sneezing actual flames! (As demonstrated by a boy three beds to my right).

Thankfully all the commotion kept Pomfrey from asking too many leading questions. She'd given me a salve to soak my hands in and pointed me to a bed. I happily indulged, watching the ruckus around me. There were two prefects volunteering at the hospital wing but even they were finding it difficult to keep up. I tried to relax closing my eyes and letting the salve do its work.

A few minutes later Pomfrey returned to me with the same diagnosis. I'd been cursed.

"How did this happen, Mr Potter? And I want the truth" she said with the sternest look she could muster.

"I stuck my hand where I wasn't supposed to," I said sheepishly. She bought it. Hogwarts was not a castle to go messing about, there were traps that could seriously maim someone! As if that would stop the curious.

She finished pulling out the remaining splinters and put on several more potions.

"Listen Potter, I've done a great deal and you should start feeling better soon. But all the same, I'll be happy if you had Professor Dumas take a look. Curses are his forte after all. I'll be happy to write a note for him"

"Oh, I don't think that's necessary Madam Pomfrey. If there's anything I'll let him know and have it checked"

"Alright dear, keep that salve on a little longer. I'll be back to redo your bandages" she said and hurried off.

Just then the Hospital Wing doors opened and admitted two girls. One collapsed on the other.

"Help! Please! I'm dying I had to carry her up three staircases!" Cait exclaimed in hysterics. Slumped on her was Quinn.

Madam Pomfrey directed them to the bed on my left.

"What happened?" Madam Pomfrey and I asked together.

Caitlyn looked at me quizzically before answering.

"Well, she was _fine_! She was practising flying today and after lunch... and in the evening I think. Then when she came back Mary said she was too tired to move. When _I_ got back from choir practice the rest had gone to supper and Quinn was just lying there in bed moaning and twisting. She said everything was so painful! She's already taken three potions!" Caitlyn's panicked voice began to climb.

Quinn was slumped on her back breathing softly, there was a sheen of sweat on her face and her eyes fluttered gently.

"Alright, settle down Miss Sommers. I'll take a look" Madam Pomfrey examined Quinn at wand point, " _Enervate_ "

Quinn's eyes snapped open, "OW!" she grimaced.

"What's hurting, Quinn?" asked Pomfrey gently.

" _Everything_ ," Quinn said through her teeth.

"You're dehydrated and your muscles have started to spasm. You mustn't over-exert yourself like this! And in this _weather_! I suspect you haven't had a decent meal in you either," Pomfrey tut-tutted as she worked. She put several spells on Quinn gliding her wand back and forth over her legs.

"Two cracked ribs! And a crack in your wrist! What on earth have you been up to Miss Dalton?"

Quinn said nothing though, closing her eyes and breathing as calmly as she could.

After a few more potions and spells, Quinn was feeling better. She rested on two stacked pillows while Madam Pomfrey coerced Caitlyn to help her around the Hospital. Cait asked me to keep an eye on Quinn and I agreed while I waited for the salve to dry on my hands.

I had to admit, I didn't expect this from Quinn. I knew she was tough and unyielding sometimes but I didn't expect her to run herself ragged like this for a dream that was too far-fetched to become reality. It made me smile as it reminded me of myself. I would have done exactly this. And I would be here exactly like Quinn having pushed myself to the breaking point.

After a short rest, Quinn began to stir, blinking slowly to get her bearings.

"Hey..." Quinn said softly as she found me.

"Hey there sunshine," I smiled at Quinn still slumped on her pillows, "How're you feeling?"

"Marginally better," she said attempting to push herself onto her elbows, "Hospital Wing?"

"Uh huh,"

"How bad was it?"

"Not that bad actually, Caitlyn was worse. She brought you here. I think you were a little delirious. She was outright mad."

"Where's Cait?"

"About. Helping. The place is jam-packed today," I said looking about as the volunteers and prefects moved about with haste carrying potions, buckets, salves and bandages. The boy further right sneezed again and set the nearby curtain on fire. A small commotion arose to put it out and he was sprayed again with a bluish mist.

I turned to see Quinn staring wide-eyed.

"Fire-flower fever" I explained. She nodded, her gaze falling on my hands.

"So... you finally came. Did you get the hex removed?"

"Yes... and no," I explained to her how Pomfrey had gotten the splinters out and said it shouldn't bother me but to get a second opinion from Dumas.

"That man wouldn't know a hex if was dancing in front of him wearing that ridiculous toupee!"

I raised my eyebrow questioningly.

"Pay attention to the hairline,"

I laughed at that, "Anyway you're quite right,"

"Go to McGonagall"

"Are you mad? She'll never let it go!"

"Well, good. Maybe she'll punish Snape!"

"That's not the point... Hang on! How did you know it was Snape?"

Quinn rolled her eyes, "Give me a little credit."

She was sharp. "Anyway, I don't want to give that hook-nosed sod the satisfaction."

Quinn rolled her eyes again trying to pull herself up onto her elbows, with another grimace she gave up. The short silence was punctuated again with a loud sneeze to my right and another commotion as people huddled to put out the flames.

"That's what you get for cuddling up in the greenhouses!" Pomfrey brandished her soup ladle angrily at the amateur couple cuffed to beds on opposite sides of the ward with singed eyebrows and blotchy faces and specks of the blue mist all over them. I felt mildly sympathetic.

Poppy Pomfrey was a middle-aged woman with plump pink cheeks, kind crinkled eyes and a few grey hairs that came with the job. But today she was red-cheeked and angry even when she reached us.

"Now, Miss Dalton Here's some bread and some soup and I've made a fresh batch of Pepper-up. I want you to finish all of this before you leave!"

Quinn for once didn't argue.

Pomfrey then turned to me cleaning the still visible wounds with more lotion and starting a fresh roll of bandages on them. She kept it thin enough to allow my hands to move normally and still advised to get Professor Dumas' opinion. I resisted rolling my eyes.

As I watched Quinn gingerly tried to feed herself some soup. It felt odd to sit there and do nothing so I moved to help but Quinn was adamant and held up a hand to stop me.

"I'll be fine, Potter"

She was going to pull herself apart to prove me wrong. I could tell that much.

"Swimming"

"What?" she asked swallowing a gulp of soup.

"Swimming. It's the best way to tone your muscles quickly and work all of them at the same time. And it won't tire you like this."

"Potter," she said through her teeth, "It's almost bloody winter! We're in sodding _Scotland_ for Elfrida's sake! It's freezing!"

"Even better! Besides you're a smart witch. You can handle it." I gave her a winning smile.

"You're mental!"

"Jury's still out," I winked and jumped off the bed. My hands admittedly felt much better and so without another thought, I shouldered my book-bag and left the busy hospital wing.

Not entirely free of homework but tired enough not to head back to the library I wandered along the hallways till I came to open window. The cool night air wafted in as I reached the windowsill, tousling my hair as it blew past me. The doorway to the balcony was just beside it. A standard unlocking spell made quick work of it and I stepped out into the small secluded terrace.

I always thought of myself as a creature that belonged to the wild. Being indoors too long gave me jitters, a frantic need to break free. I breathed in the cool night air and slumped against the stone bannister. Rummaging around in my bag I finally found what I needed.

A cigarette.

Smoke spiralled out from my mouth making ghastly shapes in the wind. As I sat contemplating, insignificant disconnected thoughts, a short screech jolted me back to the present. Against the dim light of the moon, a flapping figure moved towards me. I picked myself off the floor and squashed out my cigarette.

Cecil landed expertly on the stone bannister extending his leg out for me. He was a Short-Eared owl, quite large for his species, Hagrid had rescued from the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid was always bringing home stray animals and treating them like pets. I grew attached to Cecil during my second year and decided to adopt him. He was perfectly punctual and reliable.

"Hello old boy, tired are you?" I asked allowing him to climb on to my arm.

Cecil never much responded to my wild ramblings except to garner my attention. He looked expectantly at me then with his wise amber eyes.

"Ah right! Payment!" I fished out a Bacon Bite from my pocket and tossed it to him. He busied himself with it while I detached my deliveries.

There were several things tied to his leg. An envelope bearing Potter family crest embedded in red wax addressed by my mother's elegant hand was immediately observable. I pocketed it along with the small wrapped box addressed to Remus (Archie's favourite Owl-Order treats). The third envelope was smaller and written by a hasty hand I didn't recognise, with an Owl-Post seal and addressed simply to the 'The Messers'.

Releasing Cecil, I split it open and pulled out the letter heading back into the torch-lit corridor of the castle.

 _Dear Mr Moony/ Mr Wormtail/ Mr Padfoot/ Mr Prongs,_

 _I would like very much if I could find a way to turn one's hair the colour of one's choosing. For example, a flaming pink. Could you help? Also please find an enclosed gift coupon._

 _Best regards,_

 _Billy._

I couldn't help but smile. It was what we did best and it was nice to have a customer waiting. The gift coupon had a gold circle painted on it. When split in half the circle turned into a gallon. Pocketing it happily I turned to the sound of footsteps coming along the corridor.

And like countless times before... everything unravelled.

She walked slowly as if measuring her steps. It was about the only thing slow about her. Her voice was sharp, her tongue quick-witted, her eyes too curious to be still and her hands usually (always) busy.

Despite the lateness of the hour, she was still clad in uniform, yet not a wrinkle in sight. Her eyes skimmed furiously over the pages of a book she had opened in her hands even as she walked. I saw her eyes twitch to me as she caught sight of me. And everything about her became still.

"Hullo," Lily said pausing a few feet away and looking at me. Her eyes looked tired as she tried to hold my gaze.

"Hey..." I said rather quietly, unsure what to expect. Events of the night before and the anger and regret was all still there. But at that precise moment, it was difficult to be mad at her.

"Patrols?"

"Oh...no," she closed the book, "I was just coming back from Dumas' office actually."

Something connected with a jolt. "Shit! Sorry, I was supposed to be there..."

"It's fine..." she said waving a hand dismissively.

"It is?"

"Mmm" she nodded.

I didn't understand it. It was too hard to keep up with her unpredictable nature. But then again that had always been the appeal.

 _I hate you._ She had meant it when she said it, there was no doubt about that.

"I... was actually looking for you," Lily said somewhat hesitantly. She was clearly uncomfortable with whatever she wanted to say because she started pulling at her hair.

"Can't blame you, I'm popular today," I said to break the tension.

She smiled briefly. I responded in kind.

"Well, I-"

"May I see?" she interrupted.

"Pardon?"

"Your hands..."

 _Right._

"Quinn?"

"Of course."

"Right. Well, I know you're rooting for her to join the team, but I must warn you should she succeed - and I'm not saying that she will- but if she does, I will break her loyalty to you. The captain comes before friends."

"Hmm," she smirked, "you should put that on a T-shirt."

My eyes grew, I was too surprised by that to come up with a witty retort. She looked away hiding a smile.

I noticed her eyes on my hand holding my book bag in place on my shoulder. They rose slowly to meet mine, silently asking if she could approach.

Six years, still I didn't understand her at all.

Lily came up to me as if she was approaching a hippogriff. Keeping eye contact and unsure of my reaction. As she drew closer the lamp above me shone on her face. She did indeed look tired. There were short strands of red coming out of her plait softly framing her pale face. The usual freckles danced on her nose and her eyes questioned mine as she reached for my hand.

With a long sigh, I gave in and lay my hand gently on hers.

"I don't understand everyone's fascination..."

" _Implacata,"_ she said softly and the bandages unravelled curling themselves into a neat roll. My hands weren't as swollen as they had been in the morning and the bleeding had stopped completely.

"Quinn says you promised her a fair try-out," Lily said her eyes still examining my hands carefully.

"Well, it's technically open to everyone. But I hope she has something up her sleeve that'll keep her airborne by next week. I can't believe you're letting her go through with it!"

Lily scoffed, "You've met her. Once Quinn makes up her mind there's no stopping her."

"Indeed."

Lily released my hands and took a step back. She looked almost... guilty. She chewed on her bottom lip looking pensive.

"So..." I said as I hastily redid the bandages, "it bodes well for me that you are _finally_ lost for words."

She sighed before meeting my eyes, "It's a hex. A bit nasty one"

"I figured. It stumped Pomfrey enough she asked me to get a second opinion from-"

"Give me an hour..." Lily said.

"What?" I blinked at her.

She gave me an impatient look, "Just meet me in front of the Charms corridor."

"Evans," but before I could say much further she brushed past me. I found that being quick and precise wasn't just beneficial on the pitch. It took years, but now I could see the path of the Quaffle before it moved, to reach blindly and know I would catch it. Just as I reached mechanically past me and fastened my hand on her elbow pulling her back. Lily spun into me, her green eyes wide as she looked up at me in surprise.

"What are you up to?" I asked sternly.

Lily huffed shortly and pulled herself free, "I'm just trying to help."

"Really? And an hour ago you thought I was milking it!" Cheap shot. Worth it. "Make up your mind, woman!"

She clenched her jaw, her anger rendering her speechless. Her eyes were brilliant green and narrowed at me, her nose scrunched and her ears pink. She crossed her arms over the book against her chest. This image right here, I was reminded fondly, was why I so thoroughly enjoyed annoying her.

She huffed again blowing the stray strands of red out of her face. "Listen, if you let it stay overnight, the damage to your hand becomes permanent."

"I know where your head's at Evans," I said in a low firm voice, reading her eyes. "Do not go to him."

"Charms corridor. One hour." She then turned on her heel and walked away.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello there! Thank you so much for reading!**

 **Thanks for stopping by, plan to have the next chapter up soon. Do let me know what you think!**

 **Love,**

 **~Dark xx**


	9. Chapter 9: Hexes, Tarts and Tea

_**Hey everyone! Thanks for everyone who's still reading! Happy New Year! and Welcome to Chapter 9!**_

 _ **HEXES, TARTS AND TEA**_

* * *

 _ **Lily**_

There were more than a few people who thought I'd shagged Severus Snape.

It was hurtful but not all around unexpected. People rarely needed reasons to speak ill of others, it was human nature. I didn't care about rumours, I thought as long as _we_ knew the truth it was good enough and we shouldn't let it ruin our friendship. In the end, _we_ ruined our friendship.

It was difficult to live in place like Hogwarts, confined and closed off from the rest of the world, when there were people within who thought of you as a plague upon their society. Whispers would follow me around hallways, behind bookshelves and classrooms every year.

 _That Mudblood dared to sit at the Slytherin table today!_

 _Did you hear? That horrid little mudblood corrected someone's answer!_

 _She's got him under_ a _spell, why else would he be friends with someone like_ her _? She's probably poisoning him slowly._

 _She dares to think she can be a prefect?_

 _He's probably just shagging her. That's all her sort is good for anyway._

At the beginning everything I loved and adored about the magical world got tainted by the hatred of a few close-minded people. I wished to run back home, hold onto Tuney and tell her she was right, this new world was too cruel for people like me.

But Severus would comfort me. He would find me without being told. He'd dispel the hurtful lies and encourage me to prove them wrong. He'd leave his Slytherin mates in the Library and we'd sit on the steps of the courtyard and practice magic together. He created this little niche for us to be ourselves.

I'd wake, shower and dress earlier and go down to the Great Hall just as breakfast was being served. All to avoid the sneering gaze of a few. I theorised if I didn't run into them I wouldn't provoke them. My year had only a few muggleborns besides myself. Unlike me, they had the good sense to keep their heads down and stay unnoticed.

I was too… outlandish. I stuck out like a sore thumb, a freckly skinny red-head with a particularly insatiable appetite for all things magic. I had an over-eager disposition, a hand that kept going up in the air, a loud mouth that asked too many questions and I was mates with a Slytherin. A Slytherin with a lot of promise. I did a lot of things differently to my peers but I didn't mind it because Severus, my best friend, stuck with me.

Severus would find me early morning in the Great Hall, I'd sit with him or by myself during classes. I had to work twice as hard just to keep up with most of the class. Throughout first year we often ate lunch by the lake reading our books and comparing class notes. For the Bullies, seeking us out wasn't worth forgoing second helpings of Hogwarts food. I felt bad for Severus who didn't need to put up with it. But he insisted he needed the extra practice and reading time.

He didn't.

He'd changed so much over the years.

I just hadn't accepted it. He'd apologised and tried to mend his ways and honestly I hadn't wanted to let him go… so I didn't push him away. I didn't force him. I didn't resist his behaviour when I should have.

Maybe, it was because I felt I could persuade him out of anything. Because I knew he could do the same for me.

Maybe I was scared about this hollow feeling I felt now…

With Severus whom I knew and loved and I was comfortable with by my side, I didn't look for friends.

So it was much later that I bonded with my Gryffindor dorm-mates. I found then that being 'pure-blood' didn't automatically mean they hated Muggle-borns like me. My dorm-mates were a mixture of every type of wizarding family and they were all quirky, unique and wonderful in their own way.

Sirius Black was a pure-blood from a known purist-allegiant family and yet hated those ideals. He was energetic and fun-loving and didn't care who joined him on his quest to execute the next great prank.

Quinn was a pureblood, her parents were separated. Her brother looking after the family most of his life while her mother spent the years Quinn remembered ailing from a chronic illness. A reality which had squashed the innocent belief of love and fairy-tale endings out of her.

Laney and Ivy were both purebloods whose parents worked at the Ministry and their families worked hard to strive for equality between purebloods, half-bloods and muggle-borns and campaigned for equal wages for all.

Mary was muggle-born like me, and embraced her ties to magic spiritedly by rejoicing she'd never have to take math ever again. She was sarcastic, funny, and eccentric and grew instantly on anyone who spent a mere few hours with her.

And there was James Potter… Enigmatic, engaging and steadfastly loyal, he made fast friends with everyone around him, stood up against bigotry and embraced weirdness among friends.

These people led me to believe magic could be good, that I didn't have to run or be ashamed of how I was born and that I truly belonged to this world of wonder. And the whispers faded into background noise.

…

I sighed quietly.

Thinking back had recently felt weary and physically arduous. I swallowed pulling my cardigan close around me as I walked purposely back to Gryffindor Tower. My present attire, though neat and presentable was not nearly practical enough for what I had in mind.

The halls were mostly deserted save for the few students heading back to the dorms before patrols started. I could hear the last few stragglers leave the Great Hall downstairs as I headed up the staircases.

Last night had been the second time I'd outwardly accosted James Potter and told him how poorly I thought of him.

I did think he was a horribly rotten boy at times. My anger was well deserved at times. But I doubt it justified telling a person that you hated them. It was such a horrible thing to say… It was poisonous and I was embarrassed by my sinking to that level. I thought I was better than that. I was certainly raised to be.

The dorm was rather quiet when I reached. Quinn was fast asleep and the other three were all dressed for bed speaking to each other in soft voices so as to not wake her.

Mary waved as I came in.

"How is she?" I asked quietly.

"Better," said Edith, "She only swore once getting into bed and has slept soundly since."

"You all should go to bed too," I said trying to be casual in coaxing them.

"Yes, mum" said Mary promptly with a salute.

I stuck my tongue out at her while I rummaged around in my trunk for a pair of pyjamas.

"It's Saturday tomorrow," protested Edith.

"Choir practice," Cait said unenthusiastically, slipping into her covers and blowing out the bedside lamp.

I headed to the bathroom, hurriedly showered and changed coming out in my pyjamas and slipping into bed. Mary was the only one awake and bade me good night.

"'Night, Mare"

"No, don't say that _together_!"

"Sorry, Goodnight!"

"Night"

I checked my watch, I still had forty minutes. So I waited silently for the girls to drift off.

And while I waited my mind wandered.

 _Trainers. Yes, good. Good choice._

 _Urgh. I wished I hadn't eaten the fish. Why did I eat fish? It didn't feel good._

 _Wonder what Alice has been up to? Why hasn't she written? I expect the Ministry is keeping her busy. Wonder how Frank's doing… Hope the both of them are getting along well._

I checked my watch: thirty six minutes more. _Honestly, why does Time play this age-old trick?_

 _Why was I doing this? Was it guilt? Am I such a hopeless martyr?_

I could hear the girls drifting off to sleep. My mind finally landed on the one subject I was avoiding with all these trivialities.

 _James Potter._

 _We hadn't had problems before…_

 _Alright, I suppose we had maybe a row or two once in a while. But I don't recall it ever being this… intense._

I wondered. We'd only spoken now and then between classes, detentions and happenstance, but when we did, it wasn't with so much _strain_. Unless of course Potter had done something ridiculously appalling to a fellow student.

 _Which actually did happen quite often, come to think of it._

But why did Severus and I not being friends suddenly upend the cosmos? Why did James Potter and I end up _studying_ together? Why did we fight afterwards?

 _Why was it impossible to disentangle my life from the infinitely complicated James Potter?_

Why was it _always_ _James Bloody Potter_?

 _Urgh._

 _Why are we still fighting? I have no sodding clue._

 _Did I write a letter to Severus explaining how horribly hurt I was and how I'd never expected him to be the one to hurt me that badly? Yes._

It was a moment of weakness.

The way our friendship ended was horrible. As far as I could go back in memory I could remember Severus by my side. I didn't get a chance to tell him what I was feeling, how hurt and betrayed I'd felt. I was a terrible weeping mess and I just wanted him gone.

But days turned into weeks and I was heartbroken and alone. I just wanted to say it out loud. Just let it out. I just wanted some sort of closure. And no one else could have understood, not even Alice. Maybe a part of me wanted to see him as broken as I was too.

He never replied anyway.

So… yes, maybe Potter had a point. Maybe I _was_ pathetic. And maybe that was what hurt the most. The feeling that I didn't end it, that it was too broken to be ended anyway and that I didn't _matter_ anymore.

I breathed deeply and checked my watch. Twenty minutes more. Still too early.

 _Urgh. Sod this._

Pulling off the heavy duvet, I got up trying not to make a sound. I pulled on some comfortable clothes, put on my quietest pair of trainers and plunged my wand into my pocket. None of the girls stirred. I stuffed my pillows under my sheets to look like I was snuggled underneath and sneaked out trying very hard not to make the door creak too loudly.

I checked my watch as I came down the stairs to Gryffindor tower.

 _Ten Minutes._

 _He'd better not be late._

There were patrols everywhere. Couple that with moving staircases, Filch, Mrs Norris, Pesky Peeves and the Tattle-tale Portraits and you've got a deadly maze inside Hogwarts post-curfew.

I arrived at the Charms corridor hazard-free to find James Potter with his unmistakeable mess of hair leaning casually against a pillar with his left foot perched against it. He was twisting something unrecognizable in his hand and had his wand stuck precariously behind his ear.

Part of me already regretted this evening.

"Pssst!" I hissed which did get his attention.

James had not bothered pulling himself out of his uniform. I expected he'd have the unappealing stench of stale sweat about him and prepared myself as I approached.

I also knew his hands really did hurt.

Because frankly, there were only two reasons why James Potter would be wearing his tie in place past morning classes: either it was stuck there with a permanent sticking charm or his hands were in such pain he could not bring himself to untie it.

I swallowed involuntarily. Knowing where this spell came from did horrid things for my conscience.

James pulled lazily away from wall as I reached him. The corridor was dark so I couldn't read his expression.

"Why have you summoned me here in this unceremonious manner, Evans? I demand an explanation!"

"Shhh!" I hissed.

I could see him roll his eyes as he dropped his voice to a whisper, "What are we doing here?"

I was wrong. He smelled… of nothing in particular. A small measure of relief.

"We're going to the Library,"

"You've got to be joking." His voice was already irritable.

"It has the counter-curse," I persisted.

"I'm going to bed!" James hissed back and made to move past me. It was my turn to stop him and before I knew it my hands were clinging to his elbow making him turn on his heel.

He twisted back with an impatient noise as I returned to my senses and let go of him.

"You… You can't leave it over a day, it'll start to spread and…" I stopped, not particularly wanting to finish the sentence.

James waited looking at me curiously. He shifted his weight and his eyes travelled over me with an expression I couldn't quite make out.

"Dungarees? Really? Are we going to dig a six by eight foot hole somewhere in the grounds?"

"If that were the case you'd never know," It was automatic, I couldn't even stop it.

"Hmph."

I rolled my eyes, "We're almost too late. I imagine you want to keep those hands? Good. Let's go!"

We headed off to the Library. Navigating a dangerous and obstacle-riddled path to Miss Pince's den was no easy task, but James Potter had a knack for finding short-cuts and secret passageways and soon _he_ was leading _me_. I followed wordlessly since he was already on edge.

We were deterred twice by prefect patrols and a stupid staircase that changed. Hogwarts was different in the darkness of the night. Only a few dim torches lit up the hallways. The rest of the castle was cast into the shifting light of the moon as it played hide and seek with the clouds.

James was silent and walked a step ahead of me. His hands were covered in dirty bandages.

I shook my head internally wondering what on earth he'd done between the short time I'd met him in the corridors and now to get them so dirty.

I tried to keep from thinking about the awkwardness between us. I had said I hated him shortly after I'd asked him to forgive me (for calling him a waste of breathable air) and he'd accepted. Following that I'd asked him to meet me in secret in the dead of night in a dark hallway.

 _Was it any wonder this boy was utterly confounded by my indecisive brain?_

 _Severus deserves an award for sticking around as long as he had._

With a sickening feeling in my stomach, my mind turned back the pages to a cool September evening by the lake a year ago…

" _Severus!" I called out to him as I marched past the edge of the school grounds treading uneven patches of grass and pebble strewn ground to where he sat reading on a flat slab of stone by the lake._

 _He looked up from his book and shut it without turning back to me. "What now?" he asked in a quiet even voice squinting against the orange light of the setting sun._

" _What have you done to Atticus?"_

 _Severus turned to me just as I reached him. I was livid._

" _What do you mean-"_

 _I pulled out my arm from behind my back shoving the small cage in my hand at him. Severus picked the object thrust against his chest but seemed unsurprised by it. He examined it briefly with interest._

" _Are you referring to-"_

" _You know_ exactly _what I'm referring to!" I shouted, "Why is_ his own cage _attacking him!?"_

" _How am I supposed to-"_

" _Severus!"_

 _Severus took a long calculating look at me, possibly taking in my wild and messy hair, my hand's tight grip on my wand and my fuming aura. With a sigh he looked away._

" _It's a rat, Lily…"_

" _I can't believe you! I found him!"_

" _It's a pest! A thieving, disease-carrying, disgusting pest! And yes I was testing out a spell-"_

"HOW _could you_ DO THAT TO HIM _!?" I wanted to hit him._

" _Lily! Listen to yourself! It's a_ rat _for Merlin's sake! We use frogs, rats, bats and birds for our experiments all the time!"_

 _I couldn't believe what I was hearing._

 _The poor rat I'd found scurrying about the greenhouses after being attacked by a miniature Devil's Snare and brought to class with me was not widely accepted by my classmates, except maybe Peter who seemed to have knack with these kinds of pets. He taught me how to feed him and take care of him and calm him down when he was anxious._

 _But no matter how he felt about the animal, Severus had let me keep him. He even conjured a small cage for him so I could keep him safe while his broken foot recovered, so he wouldn't be easy pickings for the dense population of cats about the castle. The two of us kept watch over the increasingly restless rat and fed him what we could find including biscuits, cheese, bacon and potatoes. After about a week the rat seemed so content with his new lifestyle he settled for not biting at the cage and simply limping about or dozing off in a corner. I named him Atticus._

 _The once energetic plump rat who I'd grown attached to was now lying on his side breathing erratically, bleeding from several spots in his body where metallic splinters were burrowed into its skin. I'd nearly screamed when I saw him._

" _Fix this Severus! DO it NOW!" my voice was shaking from the shock of having my theory confirmed that this was indeed Severus's doing and more so by how cavalier he was about it._

 _But Severus didn't fix it._

" _It's too late," he said. The curse had spread over Atticus._

 _I absolutely loathed him in that moment. I flung a stinging hex squarely at his face and got in detention for it because Professor McGonagall saw me do it._

 _Peter joined me in detention along with Sirius. They listened sympathetically while I retold them what had happened all the while crying my eyes out. While Sirius devised a plan to exact revenge on Severus, Peter soothed me and later helped me bury Atticus behind the greenhouses. He even found a sunflower plant for me to mark the grave because I told him Atticus loved sunflower seeds._

 _Peter was strange that way. He was unexpectedly kind, not in the general agreeable nature Remus had, but in the compassion he had for things he understood from experience. Peter was happy to follow along the rest of the motley crew and wreak havoc about the castle but there were certain things that triggered him, and the death of a pet was something he understood and sympathised with._

 _So Peter was kind to me, and for the first time it wasn't because he was spying for James. It was because he knew it was hard to be one's self when they felt guilty over the death of a pet, even if it was a rat, even if it was a stray, even if it was for a short while, because to me and to him, they mattered. So Peter saved me a seat at Potions and Charms so I wouldn't have to sit with Severus._

Severus apologised and a while later I fell back into the old comfortable pace with him. And Peter probably wasn't surprised.

If I was honest with myself Severus was so deeply woven into my life I didn't quite understand how to be apart from him. When things got difficult I found myself wishing it would go back to how it was, soon. Severus was my blind spot and maybe – if I'm truly honest, just maybe- he knew it and exploited it.

Maybe I'd accepted too many apologies…

Yes, there was such a thing as too many apologies.

 _Thwak!_

I stopped dead in my tracks as a painful flick on my forehead brought me sharply back to the present and the dim corridor we stood in.

"What did I _just_ say?" James hissed in a harsh whisper his hand poised inches from my forehead ready to deliver a second blow.

I looked from his hand to his angered expression and then back to his hand.

I had no clue what he'd said.

"Ow," I said instead and rubbed the painful spot.

James let his hand drop and said (probably repeated), "Norris is on the prowl, get back!"

I did as I was told standing flush against the stone wall of the corridor next to James. The cool stone against my spine made a chill run down my body. James's arm was pressed against my shoulder as he kept taking quick tentative glances out the corner. In contrast, James was warm, almost feverishly so.

"You nearly gave us away!" he chastised in an undertone carefully rummaging about in his right pocket. I could feel his hand twisting about searching for some thingamabob. He seemed cross and suddenly I felt like it was my fault again. Chewing the inside of my cheek, I continued to rub my forehead.

With a muffled triumphant "Aha" James pulled out what he'd found and opened his bandaged fist to reveal –

"A spinning top?" I asked confused.

He almost grinned. Almost.

"Watch," he said silently urging me to be quiet.

James crouched to the floor at my feet, soundlessly placed the top on the floor and spun it (with admirable skill for someone with a bloody cursed hand). The top spun faster and faster and suddenly turned into a small grey mouse!

 _Absolutely brilliant_.

The mouse then scurried away from us streaking across the hallway and up the stairs in a mad dash and stupid Norris scarpered right after it.

"Well, that's that," James dusted his hands for show and winced. I felt another stab of guilt.

"I'm sorry" I said. It was involuntary.

For a moment James said nothing. We both watched Norris's shadow disappear into the darkness.

Then he turned to me and the torchlight above us hit his face throwing its angles into sharp relief.

"Did anyone ever tell you you apologise too much?" he said, the amber light getting caught in his eyes.

I'd spent years growing up with him within this castle and yet I'd never noticed him like this. I'd never noticed how his expression changed when he was simply bantering with me as opposed to his proud accusations. I'd never noticed how his eyes could convey how serious or mischievous he was.

 _Yes. There was such a thing as apologising too much._

"Mmm… maybe."

"That's the worst kind of apology."

I looked up at him suddenly, but he'd moved out of the light and I couldn't read his face anymore. "What?"

The castle had grown steadily colder as the night set in and when he spoke his voice carried a fine mist of warmth with them.

"The kind of apology you do just to clear your conscience. That's the worst kind."

"I…" I supposed it was true.

"Do you know why some people apologise so much?"

I didn't have the guts to say something witty. I felt like he had me cornered so I stayed mute.

"It's because they don't learn from their mistakes."

I swallowed and looked up but James was already walking away. I hurried to follow him.

We were quiet for the rest of the way. I didn't want to push conversation on us either. James led the way and we found ourselves near the entrance of the Library. Except Nearly-Headless Nick was patrolling it.

"Shit." James cursed taking a peek from behind a pillar. I was next to him and saw the problem too.

"Any bright ideas?" he asked me.

 _Honestly, no._

James was deep in thought. Maybe there was little entertainment in the afterlife, either way Nick had a lot of fun tattling on rule-breaking Gryffindors whilst pretending to be an upstanding one himself who was ' _appalled'_ by the new generation of his house.

It was risky, but I reckoned it'd work.

I stepped out of the shadow of the pillar, pulled out my wand –ignoring Potter's angry hissing- and walked straight towards Nick who was humming a terribly off-key tune.

"Miss Evans!" he exclaimed as he saw me, and came to a rigid standstill (though his head was slightly lop-sided) "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"Patrols of course, Saint Nick. I see you've graciously decided to lend a hand?"

"Of course…" Nick seemed confused (as intended), "But my dear girl, you know the rules of patrols and dress code."

"Yes absolutely, and I do wish some boys had the compassion to spare us prefects from their antics. Alas no. I had a gargoyle vomit directly onto me within my first hour! Isn't it terrible that we never catch these horrid mess-makers?"

"Terrible indeed!" Nick thundered angrily, "Probably a Slytherin, vile creatures the lot of them!" I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and simply nodded.

"Or a Hufflepuff," Nick squinted suspiciously lost in thought, "You never know with those..."

"Not to mention Peeves, another terrible headache." I looked gravely at Nick, "He was in the Potions room trying to break the sinks and flood the place! Chased us out when we tried to stop him. Said he'd only listen to the Bloody Baron!" I shook my head solemnly.

If ghosts could blush I would have seen it then. Nick looked furious and I felt my little trick working its magic.

"The _Baron_ did you say? How dare he! The very insolence of him! I'll see to it at once!"

I couldn't have stopped him if I'd tried.

James waited until Nick had disappeared off the corner before joining me in front of the library.

I watched him as he approached slow and cautious. His mouth had a faint smirk on it but his eyes wondered instinctively before settling on mine. Once again I was aware of how accurate my dream all those days ago had been. He had an eyebrow cocked up and his smirk gave way to a simpler smile. I crossed my arms and matched his raised eyebrow.

"Not bad…" he said shortly, "You can think on your feet. Who knew?"

 _Back-handed compliments. Urgh._

James crouched down on the balls of his feet and looked through the keyhole of the large oak doors of the Library entrance. Miss Pince sometimes had nothing better to do with her life than set traps for rule-breakers. He unlocked the doors with a quick spell and pushed them open.

It didn't take me long to find the shelf. I'd frequented it so many times, spent so many hours by its side, it was inked into my subconscious. My finger traced along the spines of books stacked against it before resting on the familiar worn leather of the black diary.

Severus and I had spent what felt like decades, sitting cross-legged opposite each other discussing magic far beyond our years and coming up with twists and tricks to spells we'd learnt. I recalled when Sev used to look for enchantments that would improve his own spells. I had suggested it. He was so skilled and his knowledge so deep, it made sense he would pioneer in the field without even trying.

Our naïve young minds dreamed up a world where Severus would be celebrated for his wand-work and charms, improving everything from household spells to charms for the Ministry of Magic. I believed he would write books and be distinguished by them.

He encouraged me to do the same insisting there was no better witch at charm-work in our year and tell me he wouldn't write unless it was together. I would smile, resist but finally cave. That was how it started.

We both kept a diary each. Writing down a spell we were working on and meeting up in the library to research and discuss it. We were critical with each other's work, which was important, we agreed.

And once in a while, a very rare moment, we'd _creat_ e a spell. Nothing too grand or innovative, a relative or a hybrid of a few familiar incantations, but an achievement that made us feel triumphant none the less.

It stayed a secret between us and within the pages of the diary.

It is where my dream originated, the dream I'd never said aloud because it seemed too big to be possible: The first muggle-born writer to write her own book of spells.

 _Wouldn't that be something?_

But instead people knew me as a girl who hoped to go to Healer School. And I did, hope that is. Healer School had a clear path. A muggle-born attempting to break tradition and write a spell-book sounded ludicrous considering the times.

Severus though, he could do it. If he hadn't given up already …

I'd tried so hard not to think of him since we got back that I found it difficult to focus on him at all now. I didn't want to wonder if he was alright.

With a sigh to ease that permanent knot in my chest, I sat down on the dusty floor and conjured some candles. It was a good hiding place because these shelves contained old forgotten magic in too obscure a language, no one bothered poking around with.

The book felt just the same as always in my hands; tiny, like something out of Wonderland. The pages were soft and worn as they flicked passed my fingers. I resisted the urge to reminisce.

James mimicked me more slowly sitting quietly down and observing.

I realised that over time the pages bore more and more hexes and jinxes rather than charms. I'd allowed it, I realised with a hint of shame.

 _He needs to protect himself._

 _It's only fair._

 _It's better to be prepared._

 _He wouldn't… use it._

I'd somehow pacified my subconscious.

With a heavy sigh I found the page I was looking for. The writing was scribbled over in places, messy and illegible with sentences cut through savagely. It was quite unlike Severus's usual neat writing. But I finally found the incantation and beside it written in a hasty scrawl: _(In case)_

I looked up at James who looked blankly back at me, his eyes hidden behind the reflection of candle flames on his glasses.

"Your wand arm first," I said quietly and reached halfway for him.

James contemplated for a short moment, then undid the bandages and gingerly rested his left hand palm up on mine. I began the counter-curse, running my wand tip along the creases of his hand to his wrist, over his fingers right up to the tips and back to the centre of his palm. The spell made his hand grow warm and glow with a faint pinkish hue. Carefully, I repeated the process on his right. It took some time to undo the damage of the hex.

James was still and silent. It was unnerving.

"How… does it feel?" I finally asked warily.

James was looking at his hands. He took a moment to examine them.

"It _does_ feel a great deal better. Hmm… Let me check," and with that he brought his thumbs and fingers together and snapped his fingers really loud. The sound echoed over the empty library carrying in the still night.

"Quiet!" I hissed in panic and instinctively held his hands down.

"It worked!" James grinned, "I couldn't do that before. It was too painful!" his eyes were lit up once more. Somehow, for some reason that defied logic, seeing his eyes so full of expression alight again, that bright smile he had returning to his face, brought me a small measure of relief.

It was a moment before we both realised my hands were in his and he was holding them with a gentle squeeze. They felt small in his grasp, his thumbs cradled between all my fingers as I tried to stop him from snapping his fingers again. His hands were warm and feverish against my palms in spite of the unmistakable coldness surrounding us both. James could probably feel my hammering pulse against his fingertips gently pressing on the skin of my wrist. The flickering light of the candles traced dancing shadows onto our hands. I could feel his eyes on me but I dared not look up at him.

I swallowed and gave a mild tug just as he looked away and released my hands.

 _Everything is so awkward. Why couldn't it be simple? Why couldn't we just coexist and stay out of each other's lives? Why did we always have to tangle, bicker at each other and say those hurtful things?_

"I'm glad we weren't too late," I said to break the uncomfortable silence. I shifted uneasily trying to hide my face from the candlelight in swathes of my hair.

"You and me both!" James said, the lightness back in his voice. He flexed his fingers checking his grip as if discovering them for the first time as I put the book safely back in its hiding place.

"So this book…" said James and I turned sharply to him. Even in the soft light I could see the curiosity in his eyes.

"I thought you might have questions," I said evasively.

"A fair few…" he said tilting his head to the side, "I assume you can guess." James pulled his glasses off and cleaned them on the hem of his untucked white shirt.

I weighed my words carefully.

On the one hand James could possibly guess a lot about the book: what it contained, where it came from and whom it belonged to. The boy wasn't exactly stupid. Honesty was probably the best course. On the other hand, theories were one thing, but if I divulged the truth he could quite easily cause a lot of trouble for Severus… and me. Neither were particularly appealing options.

"I'm sure you have your theories," I said dousing a few candles with my fingers.

James said nothing for a moment. He studied me quietly from across. I wasn't comfortable enough to hold his gaze so I busied myself collecting the candles off the floor.

"This doesn't make me owe him anything," James said abruptly, his voice taking a harsh tone. I nodded slowly.

"Of course not. But… You do owe me," I said. Albeit a lot more timidly that I wished to admit.

His eyes grew.

"Sorry, what was that? Didn't quite catch it," James crossed his arms and leaned forward in pretence.

"I… I said 'You owe me'," I repeated wishing my voice wouldn't crack so much.

James raised his eyebrow at me, "Is that right?" he said the classic smirk returning to his face, "And… what exactly do I owe you?

I could tell he was enjoying this turn of the conversation. I, decidedly less so.

"I haven't figured that out yet…"

"Ah."

There was a short pause where I wondered the many different things he could say.

"Well…" he stretched the word to its limit, titling his head as if deep in thought. His messy hair followed the change of pace with his head. It gave him a deceptively naïve look. "Do let me know when you do…"

I chewed the inside of my cheek some more. I didn't know what to say and I could feel a silence settling in.

James started undoing the knot of his tie with a hint of vengeance. I almost smiled.  
"You could've untied it with magic?"

"You wouldn't believe how many wizards have accidentally strangled themselves on this ridiculous thing!"

I smiled and looked away. He got up first and helped me up. He picked up the remaining candles and if I had rubbed my arms for the cold he would've probably handed me his cardigan.

There was no denying James was well brought up. He was well-spoken, respectful to teachers, chivalrous and polite when he wished to be. Something Severus conspicuously lacked. James looked at the world as something to relish and enjoy. Severus probably looked at it as something to fear and control. It was odd, very odd. James and I made up much faster than my so called former best friend after a row or two.

I found myself wishing again I hadn't come downstairs last night and we hadn't had that row. He hadn't said those hurtful things, and I hadn't told him I hated him.

Because, honestly… I didn't.

 _J_ _ **ames**_

It was unsurprising that the walk to and back from the library was terribly awkward. Silent and awkward. She sighed at least ten times. I cricked my neck too often. Finally, I thought of a way to break the silence. Food.

I fished around in my pockets for the remainder of the Bacon Bites. The packet rustled dishearteningly light in my hand. She turned to me at the sound.

"Err… Bacon Bite?" I offered, sincerely hoping she'd decline. (There were only two left!)

"I err… No, thank you." She said chewing on the inside of her mouth. She did that often.

I popped the bites into my mouth.

I was still hungry. The downside of being an Animagus.

"I'm hungry," I voiced out loud.

She raised an eyebrow. "Err… I have some Chocolate Cauldrons in the dorm?"

"No, forget that… I need real food." I thought of a shortcut from where we stood in the third floor. "Fancy a trip to the kitchens?"

"The Kitchens?"

"Yeah…" I said slowly as her wide eyes searched mine, "Food, Kitchens… Should I explain the connection?"

She gave me a look. "No! I meant… How do _you_ know how to get into the Kitchens?"

It was my turn to give her a look.

"Only Prefects are supposed to know that!"

"Not every prefect has a moral high ground against rule breaking." I replied, "Where exactly did you think the food we've been nicking came from?"

"I assumed you were stealing from the tables and just augmenting it!"

"Too much work."

Lily rolled her eyes. And I had that all-too-familiar knee-jerk reaction where the corner of my mouth pulled up. Clearing my throat, I headed off to the kitchens.

Surprisingly, Miss Evans followed.

…

Along the way I couldn't help but admire the spellwork of the curse. I hated it but couldn't deny its brilliance. The slow-brewing constant pain was far better a tool to dissect the willpower of a person than the sudden intense whip-lash sting a curse delivered. I reckoned a week in the misery I felt with my painful hands and I would've been ready to kill for something to get rid of it. It was probably more potent that the Cruciatus in its power of suggestion. I shuddered internally.

It was exceptional, horrifyingly cruel and dark, yes, but extraordinary.

There was also a small part of me that indulged in the horrors sure to face Snivellus should this information be privy to members of staff. But that part cowered in the back of my conscience listening to Lily Evans' footsteps behind me. Lily who stated plainly that she hated me and yet cared enough to help me.

I felt like I was on borrowed time with her. Like she would probably revert back to cold silence and avoidance come tomorrow morning.

We reached the kitchens soon and Lily made an odd sound while I quickly opened the door and headed in. She teetered at the doorway.

"In or out?" I asked.

"I'd… really rather head back," she said wincing at each word as if this would coax me to come with her, not trusting me to be in the kitchens unsupervised.

I gave up and left her at the doorway.

The kitchens were warm with a slow burning fire in the large brick fireplace. Gleaming pots and pans were stacked high next to the sinks the size of small boats. Many large glass jars lined the countertops and shelves each carrying a different treat. However the place was deserted, no elf in sight.

Finding a short step-ladder, I propped it against the shelves and climbed up. Lily followed my every movement coming inside and closing the door behind her.

"Cherry Pie, Minced Pies, and what looks like Treacle Tart…" I conveyed my observations, "Aha! And leftover sandwiches from supper! What will you have?"

"I'm alright… Thanks."

"You don't want a snack?"

"Not right now, no."

I could feel Lily watching me as I pulled the plate of sandwiches to me and came down to the Gryffindor table sitting opposite her as she settled down.

She watched me as I ate (trying not to feel too self-conscious). I finished a few sandwiches and decided to go for a slice of Treacle Tart.

"Did you not have dinner?" she asked as I carefully restored the Preservation Spell on the sandwiches and put it back.

"Had an early supper," I said as I reached for the Tart on the shelf.

"How could you eat so much and still look so-" she caught herself.

I looked over my shoulder unable to help my smirk, "Yes?"

"Not-overweight…" she said frowning.

"Well saved," I allowed myself a grin.

Lily decided to have "a small bite" when I came down again with the tart, so I served her a slice. She served us both steaming mugs of tea. I supposed tarts and tea should be tradition after curse-breaking.

For some reason the awkwardness faded away while we talked over tea and sweets. We rarely looked up at each other and mostly talked to our mugs and the wooden table.

One of her fingers kept tracing the porcelain rim absently. Her hair was coming loose off the untidy knot. The firelight cast it into the burnished red it always had but hardly ever showed. When the mugs ran low her spell refilled them to the brim with steaming hot tea. It had a robust flavour and smelled pleasant though I wasn't expert enough to identify it. The hot tea made her fingers dance against the china making an occasional chink.

She was brilliant. Everything about her was brilliant.

But there was maybe a small part of her, a barely noticeable part, which was perhaps a little… callous.

I kept my eyes on the mug and my hands. They weren't swollen anymore, the pinkness gone with the pain. There was barely any evidence of the curse.

Hers kept wandering around the kitchen which told me she hadn't visited much.

She had to be tired, it'd been a long day.

"How come you were in the Library earlier?" I asked to break the stretching quietness.

"Muggle studies. We didn't have a class today." She said absently tapping against the mug, "Professor hasn't come back. Wonder if he's ill…" She gave a simple smile, "Remus didn't tell you?"

"Didn't meet him" I shrugged, "Why do you even bother with muggle studies? It's not like you need it and its not required for healer school. Must be bloody boring."

She smiled to herself, and blew on her tea. "It's an interesting perspective. If Muggles knew of Wizard-kind and magic wouldn't you want to know what they thought of it all? I find it fascinating. I love it."

I rolled my eyes inwardly. "Bicorn shit! You love that you're good at it."

Her eyes grew looking scandalised. I stared back daring her to deny it. She simply rolled her eyes and shook her head.

There was a reluctant smile in the corner of her mouth. My knee-jerk reaction repeated. And the silence settled again.

….

"I didn't quite say thank you…"

"I wasn't expecting you to… You don't have to anyway... After-"

"Thank you, Lily"

She didn't seem to know what to say to that.

"You're welcome of course!" she decided, going a little pink in the face. I wasn't sure if it was because she chose to swallow a large gulp of hot tea at that moment or something else.

"I mean after all we're…" she'd said it without much thought and only then caught herself, realising the full gravity of what almost escaped her.

 _Friends…_

 _Were we?_ _Were we ever? Or was I a fool believing it and convincing myself that we could be more._

I knew the answer already as she hurriedly took a second gulp. The fire crackled gently punctuating the odd stillness. I mulled over my words.

"After all that's happened, does he mean that much to you?"

"James… I really don't-"

"Right… Sorry." She looked up at me, I could tell even with my eyes on the table. I could feel her gaze on me.

For a long moment I was quiet and somewhere in that moment I realised I'd convinced myself that I had nothing to lose. I'd lost whatever hope I had of us being friends. She hated my guts, quite rightly too.

What was left was to pick up the pieces and move on. Sirius would suggest getting pissed and Remus would insist going through it sober and whatever I agreed to, Peter would support me. Years to come I thought I'd probably convince myself I was barking mad to think a girl like her would fancy a bloke like me.

"If it means anything… I can tell you, true friendship survives the tundra, it breaks and bleeds but… it heals. That much I know. I've seen it."

I looked up and she was looking at me in a muddle of confusion and sadness. Her eyes glistened no longer green but amber, borrowed from firelight.

I didn't know the expression on my face… but I felt her sadness and mine.

Looking at her, I thought.

 _It's time, James. It's time to let her go._

Just then we both heard a creaking outside the door and stiffened. All of a sudden the door banged open.

"Well, well, well, isn't this interesting?"


	10. Chapter 10: The Fissure in the Fortress

_**Chapter 10: The Fissure in The Fortress**_

 _ **A/N Hey there! Welcome back! Hope you enjoy the new chapter! In honour of my birth month, I give you more drama, a hint of suspense, a new POV and some familiar characters some of you have been waiting for. Hope you like it :) xx**_

 _ **Lyrics: Space Oddity by David Bowie.**_

* * *

 _ **Peter**_ **:**

Warm and comfortable, I was very content in my bed under the magically warmed covers and had no intention of opening my eyes for at least a decade.

But no…

" _Psst!_ Pete wake up!"

I groaned internally.

"Peter!" the hushed whisper grew more irritable. I stayed still and unmoving.

"Wormtail!" Sirius hissed more loudly.

The second groan wasn't so stifled. I knew he wouldn't give up and go away. When he got an idea in his head Sirius was like a dog with a bone.

I tried not to chuckle in my head at the irony.

"Urgh, what Sirius? Whatisit?" I was groggy and annoyed.

"It's the first weekend back!"

"No," I turned back into my covers.

"What do you mean 'No'?" Sirius sounded scandalised.

"I mean I don't want to! Go on and sleep!"

"It's tradition!" He hissed.

I sighed heavily, "Three years in a row does not make it tradition, Padfoot!"

"Oh, come on, Peter!"

"Ask James," I said instead of turning around.

If James was going, I'd have been alright with it since we were less likely to run into trouble and Sirius was less likely to have come up with ridiculously dangerous ideas I would've had to say 'No' to.

Sirius didn't listen when I said 'No' anyway.

If James said 'No', he listened. He pouted for days, but he listened.

"He's not in bed,"

Sirius said sliding to the floor against my bed. He was already put-out.

 _Hmm… Not unusual and yet, where could he have gone in the middle of the night? He was in the common room when I came up to sleep._

"He's probably with some bird, I saw that Ravenclaw eyeing him at breakfast this morning."

"Which Ravenclaw?" I turned over onto my back. The covers were warm, and I wriggled a bit until I was cocooned in them again.

"You know. The one in our year, the one with those eyes"

Sirius picked at his teeth.

"The eyes?" I rolled mine.

"And the lousy front teeth,"

"Bonnie?"

"That's the one!" Sirius turned propping himself on his elbows on my duvet.

"You're terrible! She's really nice!"

"Hey! You were thinking the exact same thing!"

 _What an arse._ I shook my head.

"I'm going back to sleep, go away"

"Come _onnn_!" Sirius nagged, "Wormtail, we have to do this!"

"Really, why?" I asked flatly.

"Or else they'd forget about us!"

"Oh, the horror!" I turned my back on him inside the covers.

"Please, mate"

"Take Remus."

"He kicked me already, and said he'd curse me if I tried to wake him again."

"Goodnight, Sirius"

"Alright look, I know why you're getting nowhere with Herbology"

"What?" I sat up on my bed pushing the covers off.

"Your plant, it's barely alive, it won't flower come spring if you don't take care of it"

Damn it all to hell. I hated Herbology. On top of the mind-numbing boredom talking about dirt and plants and leaves, we had to take care of a bloody vegetable a _nd 'nurture it to matur_ ity'.

 _Wouldn't it be better to just let the house-elves take care of it? They do a bang-up job with the kitchens! It was just good sense!_

"Harvey Nott. He's poisoning your Sopophorous when you're not looking."

"What? That son-of-a-" I paused, "Why didn't you tell me?" I turned angrily to Sirius.

"Well," Sirius deliberated looking sheepish, "I tried! I gave you a few hints! But honestly, it was sort of funny to see you panic when you came into herbology each morning and your plant would be practically drooping on the floor"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You didn't want Sprout to know so you'd lift it up and turn it to stone! That was hilarious!" Sirius started laughing. I was not amused.

"Some friend you are!"

"What? James thought so too!" he said as if that made it better.

"Of course, he did!"

"Alright, alright! I'll help you fix it. And we can put Bubotuber pus in Nott's Pot. He'll definitely get a Troll."

Despite it all I chuckled, "Nott's Pot"

Sirius patted me on the head as if I was being asinine.

I grumbled and fell back into the pillows, "Tomorrow."

"Tonight! Or no deal!"

I groaned some more. The bed was comfortable. And I would have had to get dressed. It smelled like trouble. I could see no upside.

Sirius started singing " _Ground control to Major Tom! Commencing countdown, engines on! Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!"_

Needless to say, Sirius never bothered to whisper Bowie's lyrics.

There was an exasperated groan from the bed to my right. The hangings pulled back and a shoe flew out nearly clunking Sirius in the head.

"Stuff a brick in your cake-holes! Both of you!" Remus threatened in a terrifyingly grizzly voice.

"See?" Sirius whispered with wide eyes.

I shook my head, "If we get caught…"

"Godric's Grief! I'll protect you, you great lummox! Now get a move on!"

Half-hour later we were heading down the hallways. They were dimly lit with low burning torches. The castle was a ghostly place at night and yet there he was, sprinting about the halls putting up all manner of tricks and spells to prank students come morning. It looked like Sirius was celebrating Christmas early.

The first weekend back was indeed an excellent opportunity for us, ' _the duplicitous band of marauders'_ as McGonagall liked to call us, to establish ourselves as the most devious pranksters at Hogwarts. Everyone had had over two months to relax into the safety of their homes where nothing humiliating ever happened. They weren't also adjusted yet to the early morning start of the day and were sleepy for half the morning till mid-September.

Most were often caught completely unaware every year. Not to mention, our favourite meat: fresh-faced First-Years!

In many ways for Sirius, it _was_ Christmas.

My job was always being the lookout.

Someone had to do it and I was happy to. It meant I would be the safest of the lot. I wasn't especially good at thinking on my feet (though the others disagreed) and wasn't especially fast. None of that amounted to a person ideally suited for taking bold risks.

The Map, once created, also gave me a unique vantage point, gave me plenty of time for a warning and even helped me to have some fun of my own confusing anyone who thought of following us around.

 _Such as_ _Snivellus_.

"Wormtail! Say when!" Sirius hissed as he levitated a dozen large buckets of water up to the ceiling beams of the third-floor corridor outside the Charms classroom. The buckets were held together by invisible rope and spelled to refill when emptied. The rope was then tethered to the floor.

One person stepping on the wrong place meant at least a hundred drenched students at once!

 _Oh, the delight!_

"Good!" I said as the buckets reached high enough that they'd go unnoticed in the general line of sight.

We went about the castle setting up the classic tried-and-true pranks and added a few novelties here and there.

Several suits of armour were charmed to shout at random passers-by to straighten their tie or tie-up their shoelaces.

There were wooden rats that would bark loudly at cats who chased them. That was always entertaining.

A classic invisible step on a staircase inevitably made someone's heart drop to their stomach. Some staircases we managed to charm to turn into slides when stepped on the top step or to get stuck half-way through changing directions.

There were many expanses of solid wall at Hogwarts and Sirius and I decorated them with what looked like a hallway or tunnel only to have people walk head-first into solid brick.

There were abstract new paintings that, when paused to admire them, squirted greenish-gooey Stink Juice (our very own concoction) that gave off a rancid smell.

The fifth-floor corridor near the library got a special refurbishment in carpets laid down with Sneeze Dust, also an invention of ours. The carpets were charmed to dust themselves off when stepped on releasing a cloud of the powder that would cause anyone exposed to sneeze uncontrollably for half-a-day.

This was also a great opportunity for us to advertise our products to our prospective customers.

"Wormtail," Sirius called, "Is it straight?"

I tilted my head at Sirius who was adjusting a new 'painting' into the space between a portrait of Adalbert Something-Something and another of a group of snoozing nuns. I gave him a thumbs-up and he stepped away.

 _Wormtail_.

It was alright… it just wasn't, well, cool. I had voted against it but the other three loved it, so it stuck. I was Wormtail.

 _There were worse things to endure_ , I thought as I watched Sirius stroll along the corridor with a carefree step.

Sirius was privileged in so many ways, but he wasn't happy. Not for a long time.

Sirius was rare. He was bright, energetic, loyal and brave. But he was born to a family that saw nothing but flaws in him.

It took a long time for Sirius to open up to the rest of us about the home he detested so much. Even then he first confided in James and only later included us.

His brother, Regulus, had a chronic illness. I wasn't sure what it was called but it was something passed down through blood and made him weak and fragile. The Blacks weren't exactly the compassionate sort and treated Sirius as if he was their only heir in public. Sirius hated that and loved and protected his younger brother.

By the time Sirius got his letter, he, a child of eleven, had already resolved to give up everything he loved so he could take care of his brother. He would do what his family wanted, he would study what his father dictated he should, he would take the job at _Black and Co. of London_ and rise through the ranks to stand beside his father. He would marry a girl groomed to be fit to join the Blacks.

His life was tunnelling and as a child, he probably wanted to scream.

But such was the love and loyalty Sirius had even as a child. He endured, for Regulus.

He accepted his fate with no arguments and settled quietly into a seat on the train.

Then of course, he met James.

James was so completely everything Sirius probably wished he could have been. Defiant, carefree and full of life. It was hard to find a soul who didn't wish he could be James Potter for a day. James had everything.

Doting loving parents, fame, fortune, looks, even most unfairly, skill at nearly anything he put his mind to. James sat next to Sirius, as the story goes, and told him how grand it would be to be a Gryffindor.

I couldn't be sure, but I guessed young Sirius, who'd never seen or dared to imagine a world outside Slytherin and the Blacks, slipped just then and allowed himself to wonder.

 _What if…_

The rest was history.

Five years later, there we were.

Sirius rounded the corner and stood at the entrance to the Library with his hands on his hips and his head tilted to the side staring at the empty hallway. I knew he was contemplating breaking in just to let Miss Pince know her 'idiot-proof anti-theft charms' were a terrible failure.

I could have told him 'No, Padfoot', but that probably would have just egged him on. Instead, I distracted him.

"Aren't you curious as to where Prongs slipped off to?"

"Check the Map,"

"I did," I smiled down at the parchment.

"And?"

"Hmm…"

Sirius turned around, his expression concerned. "What're you smiling about?"

"We owe Remus ten galleons."

"NO!" Sirius said in surprise which echoed off the walls.

"Great!" I watched a small fast-moving dot change direction, "You've done it! Brentworth is heading this way. Let's get out of here!"

Sirius and I took the nearest shortcut off the Library corridor, climbed down a dizzyingly long spiral staircase and appeared on the first floor through a concealed doorway behind a tapestry.

"I'm hungry," we both said together and laughed.

"Wouldn't hurt to drop by the kitchens,"

"'Course, I mean, we need to keep our metabolism in check after all"

"Right!"

"Well well well, isn't this interesting?" Sirius burst into the doorway of the kitchens and announced smugly.

James and Lily were both nursing mugs of tea, leaning subconsciously towards each other I imagined, as they both sprang apart at our appearance straightening up and taking gulps of their drink.

James managed to keep his composure and greeted Sirius, "Pa-err-Sirius! Grand to see you!"

Sirius raised a questioning eyebrow.

Lily, however, did everything humanly possible to hide her lack of composure.

"Is it hot darling, you're quite red?" Sirius remarked in mock concern.

Lily coughed, "I'm fine, it's the tea."

I sat down beside James and he pushed his plate habitually to me so I could nibble off it. Lily smiled sweetly as she always did. She didn't hold a grudge, at least with me. Lily greeted people out of habit, was kind and courteous and was the sort of person who shared an umbrella with people she didn't know very well. Sirius sat next to Lily and she moved to give him space.

"What are we having?" asked Sirius conjuring a fork.

James pushed the pie wordlessly to Sirius and he dug in without bothering to serve himself a slice. I conjured two more mugs and filled them to the brim with tea.

We ate and sipped our teas in awkward silence. Sirius seemed to enjoy himself. James and Lily took turns peeking at each other.

I wondered what James was thinking.

 _Did Sirius know?_

They shared almost every waking thought they had. Sometimes, I questioned where I stood in the group. Who was I closest to? Clearly James was closest to Sirius. Sirius and Remus also had an unspoken bond. He saw part of Regulus in Remus and was protective of him. Remus though he wasn't a fan of being fussed over, didn't mind that his close friends took care of him and protected him.

But me, I wasn't sure.

 _If it was me Remus's shoes, would Sirius treat me the same way?_ _Would James confide in me about Lily, things he obviously felt but never said?_

I wasn't sure.

Lily stood up abruptly, "Well, goodnight everyone. It's been a long night."

James followed a half-second later "Right, I'll walk-"

"No need," she said firmly but quietly, "I'll manage. Do make sure your friends don't get into trouble. Goodnight, Potter. Black. Pettigrew" She nodded at us and awkwardly climbed off the long bench.

James looked confused and pained. I looked at Sirius who shook his head at me. James waited for Lily to turn back, but of course she didn't, she never did.

 _ **James:**_

I slept uneasily. My head was fine, my hands were fine, and I _was_ tired. And yet for the third night in a row I tossed around quite a bit before I settled down to sleep.

I thanked Merlin for it being Saturday and ignored the twittering birds outside the window who had no business being awake that early. Resisting the cold creeping into the dorm I pulled my duvet closer around me and slept.

Suddenly something very heavy jumped on me startling me awake.

"What the-!"

"Wake up, Prongs!"

"Padfoot, what the _fuck_?"

"Wake up! I guarantee you will enjoy this immensely! Up! _Come on!"_

I gritted my teeth. They were yet to discover a potion strong enough to sedate a spiritedly hyperactive Sirius Black. Peter groaned loudly as Sirius pounced on to his bed next.

"Not again, Padfoot! _Come on!"_

Sirius took no heed and started prodding the lump of blankets that was Peter until he was finally awake.

Remus, who'd gotten the most sleep out of the lot of us had been Sirius's first victim and was already sat on his bed rubbing at his eyes.

"This'd better be worth it, Black" he growled.

Despite appearances, Remus was not- _repeat, not_ \- a morning person.

Half-an-hour later, Sirius was grinning ear-to-ear and dragging us by our hems and collars out into the freezing cold morning. I very much suspected something to be on fire.

The grounds were deserted, and the wind was frosty promising a hellish winter. Under the invisibility cloak the four of us were huddled in a group.

Sirius led us towards the lake.

"Mate you wanna tell us why we're out here freezing our arses off?"

"Down here!" Sirius replied gleefully hiding behind a large thorny bush. I gave him a look but decided to follow him and knelt on the soft grass. Remus and Peter followed suit.

"What?" all three of us almost asked in unison.

"Gentlemen," Sirius spoke in a hushed voice. "We're here to observe some of Scotland's rarest migratory birds in their natural habitat."

"Sirius," growled Remus under breath, "I'm this close to ripping your entrails out!"

Peter raised his eyebrows at Remus and gave me a pointed look. Maybe Remus hadn't had much sleep either.

"Look," Sirius pushed two thorny branches apart and we could all see what Sirius had been so giddy about.

The collective group of the Gryffindor sixth-year girls were down by the lakeshore. Each clad in brightly coloured bathing suits and shivering from head-to-toe.

"Now boys, does this not seem the perfect opportunity for a good old-fashioned prank?"

"I say we do the Curse of the Croaks!"

For the next ten minutes we all argued about which prank would scare the girls the most and which ones we could get away without causing one of them pass out and drown.

Ultimately, we settled on a swarm of toads. It had been a classic prank we'd perfected and used quite a few times. We wordlessly set to work. Sirius collected the best rocks for transfiguration, I transfigured them all into frogs and animated them, Remus multiplied them a couple times and Peter guided them all stealthily through the water. Then we sat back and let the chaos unfold.

Lily Evans was angrily chastising Mary McDonald as she tried to make for the bank complaining about the cold.

"W-w-we p-p-pr-promised! We-we cc-cant leave n-n-now!" Evans reprimanded with chattering teeth.

"It's bloody freezing! Are you mental?" Mary shook her head vigorously wrapping a thick towel around herself.

Edith and Cait were huddled together both shaking like leaves.

Quinn seemed the only one actually trying to swim.

Having been the person to advise her to swim, I found incredible hilarity at how things had unfolded.

"Edith! Will you tell this moron to get back in the water!" Evans yelled now more accustomed to the cold.

Edith however was distracted. "I think I-"

"What?"

"Just out of curiosity, do we have Kelpies in this lake?"

"I haven't seen any. I don't think I've read any sightings either… W-why?"

"Oh… no reason. That lump of k-kelp over there seems c-curiously at-t-tracted to us though…"

"What where?"

"It's just floating reeds…"

And then it happened. When the frogs were close enough Peter had one of them jump onto Edith's head and croak loudly.

Edith screamed loudly slapping frantically at her head to get it off. Sirius doubling up with laughter collapsed onto me. The girls screamed and tried to get to the lakeshore, but all the frogs were jumping around them haphazardly and they fell over each other in the water as they tried to get away.

Remus couldn't help but succumb to his mirth too.

Lily screamed far too often at nearly every frog that jumped out of the water yelling at them to "Get away!"

She lost direction twice and finally scuttled out of the muddy bank onto the shore. Quinn followed swatting anything that came close to her including an innocent fairy. She hated anything slimy and wet and shuddered horribly once out of the water.

Mary had run off the first moment she saw the frogs and hailed for her friends to make it to the shore. And Cait, limp and trembling, was being dragged out of the water by Edith screaming at everything that moved around her as she made for the lakeshore.

At the end of fifteen minutes the frogs started turning back to rocks and sank into the lake and the girls, safely out of slime's way, muddy and cold, started looking for the culprits. Having had our fun, the four of us made a quick getaway and dashed across the grounds into the Old Shack, or as people later called it, the Shrieking Shack.

The Shack was one of our favourite spots.

It was once home to Hogwart's Architect who liked to stay near Hogwarts and admire the castle. However, he was a man of simple tastes and his small home reflected it.

Once he'd passed on, the shack had deteriorated without an owner and become a shadow of its former self. It was still well-built and strong, and had many spells the Architect himself had put on it, including spells to prevent anyone from breaking in. Naturally, Dumbledore saw it's potential. It was ideally suited to house a young werewolf during the full moons and thus help a boy who was desperate to attend Hogwarts, like every other eleven-year-old wizard, realise his dream.

Dumbledore reconstructed the house within, keeping the derelict exterior in place, boarded up the doors and windows and created a passageway into the castle grounds.

It was a good plan and an excellent hiding place. But the rest of us were too curious about where Remus disappeared off to.

 _Never underestimate the suggestive power of curiosity._

Sirius climbed in through the passage first, followed by Remus and I while Peter stood on the knot in rat form keeping the doorway open. Once we were safely inside Peter hopped in after us and the Whomping Willow began thrashing its branches once again.

The four of us collapsed onto the sofa and cushioned armchairs still grinning.

"Right then, breakfast?" asked Peter rubbing his hands together. He was always the homemaker of the group.

With Remus's help he sat in front of the fireplace and set up a fire. I was too lazy to move and besides Sirius had dropped his feet on my lap. Remus put a spell to conceal the smoke and set up for tea.

Soon we were sitting on the giant rug on the floor around the coffee table with plates of eggs, bacon and sausages and large mugs of tea and warm butterbeer. The china was mismatched and came from all different places (I'd contributed the chipped blue-and-white striped mug.), the table was wobbly thanks to Remus having bitten a large chunk off one of the legs and there was never a shortage of splinters strewn randomly across the floor.

Yet for the four of us it was common ground, a place we felt we belonged to.

The Old Shack had grown old with us and had the marks to prove it. Sirius christened his first birthday gift from me, a pocket knife, by carving our initials into a windowsill. Many more inscriptions and carvings followed.

Peter and I accidentally lit a fire on the second-floor hallway by playing Exploding Snap and burnt a hole through the carpet scorching the aging wood beneath.

Sirius once snuck a fire-crab into the shack after Care of Magical Creatures and nearly brought the house down. Couldn't blame him though as Peter and I had once captured a Jarvey in the forest and thought it would be an entertaining pet to bring to the shack.

We were very wrong. All four of us ended up in the hospital wing scratched bloody. The bedspread, mattress and curtains were all a bunch of various coloured confetti by the time Hagrid came to the rescue.

"I think we just finished up this month's supply" Peter smirked at us as we stuffed our faces.

"Ah you did good Wormtail! We'll stock up at the next Hogsmeade trip, no matter!" Sirius wolfed down his eggs as if he'd been starved for a week.

"Beans anyone?" Remus cracked open a can of baked beans and passed it around. "Might as well finish it!" he shrugged.

It was peaceful and quiet, the smell of bacon still in the air and the fire crackling merrily close by. I closed my eyes and relaxed against the leg of the sofa.

"You alright, Prongs?" I heard Remus ask.

"Mmm" I nodded.

"Let him sleep," Peter encouraged.

 _Good man, Peter._

A few minutes or maybe half-hour later, I woke to the sound of Peter chastising Sirius about smoking cigarettes in the house.

"Right!" Sirius was arguing, "We just cooked bacon on the fire and my cigarette is what'll burn the house down!"

"Take that thing outside! I'm going to starting wheezing again."

"Oh, keep your knickers on!"

Sirius got up and kicked my shoe on the way out subtly asking me to join him. I stretched reluctantly but followed.

The morning air was cool and crisp when I pulled myself out of the entrance between the knotted roots of the Whomping Willow. I took a long breath as I climbed out.

Sirius was already perched on a flat root, his foot planted firmly on the knot that froze the tree in place.

I stretched fully, settled onto a comfortable spot among the tangled roots and waited.

Sirius said nothing but took a long drag of smoke and blew it out slowly. The lake glittered blue and white in the sunshine peeking through thick clouds above. It seemed to be the first bright day of September.

Sirius sighed heavily, which meant he wasn't sure how to begin or he wasn't comfortable talking about it. I waited some more.

"About Quinn…" Sirius started slowly.

"What about her?"

"Are you serious about giving her a shot?"

"You think it's a bad idea…"

"No…" Sirius said squinting up at the sky, "Not really. Was just wondering…" He took another drag from the cigarette and passed it to me.

"Quinn's one of those Niffler personalities mate, know what I mean?"

I shook my head blowing out the smoke slowly letting it spiral through the breeze.

"She's going keep digging and going after it until she hits gold. She won't give up. So, if you were trying to let her down easy…" Sirius ruffled the back of his hair.

There was a part him that was still protective of her. He liked her no-nonsense attitude I supposed. Or maybe it was that she didn't fall at his feet when he gave her attention. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't try to get along with the rest of us for his sake. She was her own self and she didn't want to be anything different. I couldn't be sure… But I knew Sirius enough to know, he was having a hard time asking me if I was about to end up hurting her.

"I'm not trying anything…" I said honestly after a moment. "She has a shot, same as everyone else. Rest is up to her."

I handed Sirius back the cigarette and he took it wordlessly. I closed my eyes once more relaxing against the still willow tree. The wind was chilly and picking up, but it was a welcome change from the castle indoors.

"I have a question for you now."

I heard Sirius turn to me, "Yeah? Go on, then."

I opened my eyes and Sirius was waiting with a raised eyebrow.

"If she makes it- I'm not saying she will. But if… will you two be able to work together, or is it going to be another headache for me?"

Sirius laughed his usual carefree bark of a laugh, "We'll stay outta your hair, don't you worry, Princess"

I grinned. "I prefer 'Royal Highness', you know this"

Sirius laughed again and smoked some more. "Speaking of headaches," Sirius gave me a knowing look.

"What?" I replied quizzically.

"What did we walk in on yesterday?"

I rolled my eyes at his allusiveness. "Don't start!"

"Too late."

"She was just helping me get rid of the hex." I winced. _Bollocks._

"What hex?" Sirius sat up straighter.

"Never mind."

"What hex, Prongs?"

"It's nothing mate, honestly!" I took the cigarette again for one more drag.

Sirius clenched his jaws.

"It was that prick Snape, wasn't it? You've been acting weird ever since that detention and Peter won't spill the beans. That clot was a so fucking tight-lipped about it! What happened?"

"Just let it go, Padfoot. It's over."

"The hell it is! I'll rip that wet mop off his fucking head-"

"You'll do nothing." I cut him off quietly but sternly.

Sirius looked irritated.

"When did you start mothering me!? I'm not ready for this. I just got away from one nagging household!"

I laughed at his outburst and handed back the cigarette "Here."

Sirius chewed on it with vengeance. I almost shook my head at him.

"We've got bigger problems than that stickweed insect." I said leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees.

"But why was Evans there? You said she told you-"

"I know. Believe me, I am just as confused. She's- I dunno- feeling guilty for some reason."

"She reads too much!" Sirius said as if this explained it. "I could never remember where to find a curse-cure in the middle of that library."

I looked away to the far edge of the forest. I didn't correct Sirius that the spell was written by _them_. I didn't want to see his reaction. Sirius had always considered Lily to be a sweet girl who was misled by her two-faced friend. I'd believed it too.

My senseless entangled emotions for Evans had started very early and proportionately absurdly. I thought I was the best student in my year when I joined Hogwarts and I wanted to be friends with her. She flat-out refused. Something about that persuaded me to keep asking her and by extension infuriating her more.

With time, I grew out of the foolishness (somewhat) and realised maybe there was a _small_ speck of something else, something real, that I felt for her. Once it started to grow, before I knew it, it had taken over and I couldn't be rid of it.

But I realised that part of me was drifting away now…

Sirius though, absolutely believed in her. He believed she was good, kind and talented. He firmly trusted we perfectly balanced each other out and thus belonged together. He believed every bad turn the two of us had was because of Snape. I was less and less convinced that was true.

"So, you two are done rowing. That was unexpectedly brisk. I owe Remus two Galleons."

"No... I don't think we ever really stop, it's just the peaceful retreat 'till we inevitably end up rowing again. We've had too many misunderstandings and too much arguing. She still hates me pretty much the same."

"Nah," Sirius smiled bemusedly looking up at the sky, "Just give it time."

"It's been five years. Enough time don't you reckon?"

Sirius threw the cigarette butt onto the ground and crushed it.

"It's been three months! Barely that!"

"What?"

"Prongs, are you daft? For five years she's had that gargoyle on her back like some hump with mange and an opinion. He's been muttering in her ear all this time! I doubt she's made two choices of her own since she stepped foot in this place."

I couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of Evans with a Snape-sized hump.

"And finally, she had the good sense to hex him out of her life! So, no Prongs, it's not been five years. Not to you."

"Whatever you say."

"It is whatever I say. And I say 'Nay! you shall not sit in this loathsome pit of despair!' Now get up and come inside for Merlin's sake, it's fucking cold we're gonna freeze our bollocks off!"

With that we climbed back into the shack and helped Remus and Peter tidy up the place before heading back to the castle.

….

Being the hyperactive animagi we were, we'd burned through our early breakfast within an hour and Sirius coaxed us all into going down to Great Hall as there was usually a better spread on weekends.

The girls showed up half-way through looking freshly showered with damp hair and a ravenous appetite. The hall was full then and they had to sit opposite us. Mary even had her head wrapped in a towel.

"I will not!" Mary said indignantly to Edith as she served herself scrambled eggs rebuking the idea of magically drying her hair. "It's going to get all frizzy!"

"As opposed to?" Quinn replied sarcastically biting on some sausage.

"Get stuffed!"

"Language!" censored Lily automatically, then turned red as the rest responded with "Yes, Grandma!"

Apart from a heated discussion about who could be responsible for the frogs the girls were in good spirits. Lily joked happily with her friends and smiled when she caught my eye. I returned a courteous smile back.

After breakfast Sirius dragged us back to Gryffindor tower and insisted we keep the 'tradition' alive.

"Mate, it's not a tradition!" I shook my head.

"That's what I said!" Peter threw his hands up.

"Moony! Back me up!" Sirius turned to the only other occupant in the dorm.

Remus was reading the back of a Zonko's product. "Hmm? Oh, I don't much care."

"That's not backing me up!" Sirius replied crossly and picked up the Map rolling it up and shoving it roughly into his pocket. "Fine. You want to leave the school in a year and then be forgotten? Our own scruffy kids will walk these halls and never know what we were like and what it all meant to us!"

He moved to my bedside and rummaged through my trunk until he found the Cloak. "I don't want to be forgotten. I want them all to remember me and say, 'That's Sirius Black. He was a bloody menace!'"

I laughed, "Write that down Remus, we'll have to put it on his tombstone!"

Sirius threw my own shoe at me. I ducked out of the way.

I was used to Prank-happy Sirius.

For his entire teenage life Sirius tried to be identified as something other than ' _Black'_.

The Blacks were famous, wealthy, political, influential and most notoriously blood-purity fanatics.

Sirius didn't wish to be remembered as one of them. He laughed at his own puns about being the 'Black Sheep of the family'. He wanted desperately for the world to not have an opinion of him simply because of his name.

All his cousins before him had been excellent academics, Slug Club members, Quidditch legends, Prefects, Heads of School. Even his favourite cousin, Bellatrix.

From the little he spoke about his family over the years it was clear Sirius thought _Bella_ was extraordinary. He in turn was her favourite. Said to be sharp as a whip with a keen intellect and unparalleled reflexes, Sirius may have even idolised her.

He never heard from her after becoming a Gryffindor.

Sirius was only used to one way of life. Rules.

So, he broke them. All of them.

He made a name for himself by becoming the most rebellious troublemaker in all of Hogwarts.

Of course, I couldn't let him do it all by himself, so we became a duo. "Black and Potter" became the words all teachers dreaded by our first Christmas at Hogwarts. We were unstoppable even before we joined forces with Remus and Peter. Afterwards, we became something else entirely.

Sirius stood up with a furrowed brow and a determined look in his cinder eyes.

Peter sighed heavily, "If it really means that much to you," he shrugged, "Of course we'll go with you."

….

The morning, we spent causing havoc. Mainly for Filch.

Mrs Norris looked excellent dressed as a court jester though she ferociously tried to rip the bells off her hat. Filch didn't find it amusing either and thundered down the halls trying to coax a teacher to punish ' _SOMEONE!_ '

There were an array of excellent pranks Peter and Sirius had set up the night before and we were content to simply climb up onto the rafters and watch the mayhem with roasted chestnuts, chocolate and butterbeer.

By evening we were bored and the four of us snuck into Professor Kettleburn's storing houses and released a couple of porcupines in the Great Hall at tea time. Not entirely risk-free, we ended up sending several students and two prefects to the Hospital wing and inevitably wound up at Professor McGonagall's office.

She held up a hand as we all began to give excuses at once. McGonagall flicked her wand and a tray of biscuits appeared in front of us. We hesitated maybe two seconds before grabbing one. She shook her head dismally.

" _Just_ sit down and eat something while I find a way to sedate all of you until Christmas."

We all eyed the biscuits suspiciously, but Peter had already finished half a Ginger Newt, its tail poking ominously out of his mouth.

McGonagall shook her head again and looked out the window as the sky slowly darkened outside.

"You'll be the death of me someday" she said grimly.

We all shared uncomfortable looks. _We truly might be._

….

 _ **Lily**_

It was getting dark. I could barely see the textbooks I had sprawled on the wooden stands of the Quidditch Pitch. Quinn was a dark silhouette as she practiced flying with Evane. I squinted at the book in my hands.

Potions Theory was harder to grasp without Severus to discuss the classwork with. I sighed.

Quinn was getting stronger and better with her flying. I was proud of her. Clad in jumpers, jackets and gloves I was still cold. I couldn't imagine what it was like flying in the chilly mornings and late into the evenings with the icy wind whipping at her face, biting at her fingers. Quinn never complained though, she just took a forty-five-minute bath and that was it.

Giving up, I closed my books. It was too dark to read so I packed them into my bag and nursed my hot cocoa. There was a shadow approaching the stands. She was tall and clad in leather flying gear. Wordlessly, she climbed up the stands to sit beside me and pushed her tight salt-and-pepper pony tail out of her face.

"Good evening, Madam Hooch."

"Evening, Evans" she looked out onto the field. "So, how is she doing?"

"She's getting the hang of it." I said with a smile.

"Hmm," Madam Hooch deliberated a moment before speaking again, "She's certainly persistent. But a team is more than strong will and brute strength. A team is trust, loyalty and adaptability to change."

I sensed she was asking me if Quinn fulfilled these criteria.

"She's… dedicated." I replied carefully, "She'll do whatever it takes to reach her goal. And she's as loyal as they come."

"Certainly… certainly" Madam Hooch nodded.

The lamps around the pitch flickered to light and Madam Hooch called the girls to come off the pitch. I collected my things and was coming down the stands when I heard a familiar screech.

"Noot!" I smiled as she landed on my shoulder expertly. "Got something for me?"

Noot extended her leg and I released the letter.

"Hello, Noot!" Quinn greeted as we headed to the castle.

Madam Hooch ushered us into the castle and Quinn and Evane bade each other goodnight. Famished by then having skipped tea, we both headed for supper.

Soon we were joined by Edith and Cait having finished with Chess Club and Choir Practice.

I opened my letter as Quinn served us all with plates of roast lamb and vegetables.

"It's from Alice!" I exclaimed unable to hide my excitement. I read scanning quickly through the letter.

 _Dearest Lily,_

The letter began in Alice's miniscule handwriting.

 _How was your first week back? I'm already missing the place so much. I hope you're having a good term._

 _I've started work at the Ministry with Frank. Well, that might be a bit of a stretch. Frank is training with the Aurors and I'm working in the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad. We do work in the same place and get to see each other often, that's something._

 _I'm being mentored by Mr Ruben Baggard, a balding kind fellow who seems a little accident prone. The shifts have some awful timing, but it is a good job to get one's foot through the door, so to speak. Not as exciting as we've read about, I'm afraid. Been here a week now and all I've done is repair lamp posts and fix broken telephone boxes._

 _Need to get my Obliviator Licence too._

 _I was at Minister Evermonde's funeral yesterday. He was a great man, even though he was quite overeager about the Statue of Secrecy. Saw many familiar faces. It's sad to see him go, especially at a time like this. Saw Marlene there too with her parents. Was surprised to not meet James. His parents were there, of course. They knew the Evermondes growing up until James's grandfather severed ties with them._

 _There's something else, though I'm not allowed to speak about it until the news is public. They say owls are being intercepted by these men who serve, well, you know who._

 _Brace yourself, Lily. And keep your head down._

 _Hope you are well._

 _Love, Alice._

Far from bringing relief and happiness, Alice's letter left me in anguish. I pocketed it and tried to eat quietly.

"Well? What's she saying?" Quinn asked looking at me oddly.

I shrugged, "Mostly about the funeral… and work."

Quinn and Edith nodded. The funeral had been in the Prophet since the first of September. Some politically connected students had stayed behind to attend. Excluding apparently, James Potter.

 _Brace yourself, Lily._

 _What on earth could that be about?_

I was distracted while we sat at the Great Hall and tried to catch up on homework. My nervous habits got the better of me. After a while, the hall grew much quieter. Quinn drank about five cups of coffee while she finished her History essay and Edith and I collaboratively finished the Transfiguration homework.

Tired and longing for rest we decided to head back to the dormitories. Edith led the way and Quinn and I followed.

"I can't wait for the day I turn a chicken into a gravy boat for my mother-in-law! She'll be so proud!" Edith said sarcastically as we headed up the stairs.

Quinn rolled her eyes as I laughed. Just as we came up on the landing of the first floor-

"Hello! What've you all been doing?" Edith greeted Remus.

"Various mischief," Remus smirked his blue eyes alight. Edith gave him a look as the rest of the party reached him.

"Evening Quinn, Lily" Remus nodded at each of us. We both gave an acknowledging nod. Sirius had his arm around Peter and paused mid-sentence to turn around. Quinn became immensely interested in the marble banister. James was behind Remus, his hands in his pockets and looking at Edith.

"What've you girls been up to?"

"Us? Up to something?" Edith pretended to be offended, "You jest, sir!"

The seven of us fell into step and followed Remus and Edith to the dormitories. I slowed down to give Quinn some space as Sirius walked beside her and tried to initiate conversation. I felt a small measure of sympathy for Sirius and admired his courage as he tried to speak to the girl who'd broken-up with him.

Peter followed behind Sirius quietly. Edith was telling Remus about the frogs that morning. Remus listened with baffling wonderment. Sirius and Quinn talked in short hushed whispers.

I stuffed Alice's letter into my bag not wanting to lose it and finished rummaging around to find _James Potter_ taking the stairs beside me.

Caught unawares my stomach flipped uncomfortably.

 _Shit_.

There was a senseless panic inside me as I swallowed to steady myself.

 _It's just James Potter._ I told myself.

Also known as the boy who fancied me, hated my best friend, ridiculed said friend and _unintentionally_ broke us apart. Who was as nice to me, horrible to him, who fought with me and whom I'd said I wished didn't exist, which ultimately I regretted and to whom I apologised. James, who refused the apology, humiliated me, enraged me and whom I said I hated again. James who didn't fight me on it, who got caught in the middle of me and Severus, and possibly got hurt unfairly.

James Potter, whose life and limb I spent last night trying to save.

 _Yes, 'Shit' sounded about right._

He stretched his neck against his hand. The signet ring on his right hand gleamed against the candlelight from above, showing a crest with a stag standing under a tree. There was an inscription, though it wasn't clear, and in a split second his hand had moved out of the light.

"Hello," I said weakly which got swallowed in the raucous laughter from a group of boys heading downstairs. The portraits shushed them angrily.

"How're your hands?" I asked instead, turning to him as we headed upstairs.

James turned to me somewhat surprised.

"Oh right," he held out a hand in front of him, "fully mended I reckon…"

"Thanks." He added quietly.

As we started yet another flight of stairs, two girls came hurrying down arguing loudly and brushed roughly past us forcing James to push against me. His elbow grazed mine and I felt again the searing warmth of his skin as if he was burning inside.

"Are you having a fever?"

"What? No."

"You're burning up,"

"Really, I'm fine" his tone urged that I drop the matter.

We didn't speak again until we reached the Common room.

"Oh, Hello!" I heard Remus's voice ahead as I climbed through the portrait hole. "Welcome back!"

The red sofa was occupied by two girls setting next to three large trunks.

"Laney! Ivy! You're back!" Edith bounded over to them and hugged them both in turn. They both hugged her back through their sober expression.

They seemed dispirited after the funeral of Mr Evermonde. Ivy and Laney were both purebloods and came from politically influential families. Ivy Jenkins was the daughter of the Head of International Magical Co-operation. She was petit, dark-skinned and had big brown eyes that lit up her heart-shaped face. Though the light seemed obscured in her eyes then. Laney Max's father and grandfather before him were both honoured members of the Wizangamot. She was tall with soft features, elegant blonde curls and forget-me-not-blue eyes. Her usually chipper essence seemed to be extinguished by sadness as she huddled close to her best friend's side.

"Are you two just getting back after the funeral?" Sirius said moving to the armchair by the fire.

Laney nodded sombrely, "I… I just can't believe it…" she said staring forlornly into the fire.

"Me either," Ivy mimicked.

The rest of us shared concerned looks.

"He's… lived a full-life, hasn't he?" Sirius said unsurely.

They stayed silent and disheartened.

"I had no idea you were so close to Mr Evermonde," Remus said in a sympathetic voice.

Both Laney and Ivy looked up slowly from the fire and stared at each of us as we looked blankly back.

"What…? No…" Laney shook her head.

"Didn't you hear?" Ivy wondered aloud.

James shifted his weight uneasily next to me, "Hear what?" his tone was low and solemn.

They shared a look and Ivy spoke in a soft broken whisper.

"P-Professor Grubbly-Plank… he's… he was… he's dead."

"What?" asked Remus which was drowned out by many other exclamations.

"What do you mean?"

"What on earth are you on about?"

"Did… no one tell you yet?" Laney asked looking slightly hysterical.

When every anxious face confirmed that we didn't know she and Ivy told us the truth they'd discovered. Ivy's father had written to her while they were headed to Hogwarts. The Muggle Studies Professor of Hogwarts, Professor Grubbly-Plank who had been missing for two days had been found dead in an abandoned tunnel by two muggle teenagers. The Auror department had investigated and determined the cause was a Killing Curse. The Headmaster had been informed and the news was to be released publicly the next morning.

The words travelled through me like a shard of ice. I felt numb and dissociated. I couldn't feel my hands, my feet… My eyes did not see. I just felt uprooted.

Everyone stood in shocked silence. No one knew what to say.

I could see Professor Grubbly-Plank's aged face with his blue eyes always crinkled in a smile. And the thought broke my heart right then.

I heard my own words from the night before.

 _Muggle studies, we didn't have a class. Professor hasn't come back…_

 _Wonder if he's ill…_

I breathed against the tightness in my chest.

 _Brace yourself, Lily…_

This was what Alice meant.

I'd never considered the war outside could touch us in here. Hogwarts had always seemed like a fortress, but I realised then, devastatingly, how naïve I'd been.

"Who would do something so cruel!?" Edith asked in a broken whisper sitting next to Laney her lips trembling, her wide eyes fearful.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look and Sirius shifted his eyes back to the fire.

"We're all thinking the same thing, aren't we? We know who did this…" he said half in sadness half in anger.

"We don't know enough-" Remus began.

"Of course, we know!" Ivy said shakily, "H-he was murdered! By… _him_ … Y-you know who…" she shifted away from the firelight turning to her best friend.

Laney patted Ivy gently on her shoulder.

"It's that Dark Lord person, isn't it?" Quinn asked with contempt.

No one answered the question.

"I liked him," Peter said in a small cracked voice, "He was nice to me, even in detention. He used to bring muggle snacks for us…"

"Yeah..."Sirius agreed nodding.

I kept thinking of something to say. Something… anything. But I couldn't stop thinking about his kind face with his white beard and toothy grin and the eyes that saw wonder in Muggles and their inventions. It was like my throat was in an iron vice. I couldn't breathe or speak.

And then I noticed the other silent person in the room.

James stood motionless beside me, his eyes glassy and far away. He looked lost as if something that tethered him to the rest of the world had broken off and he couldn't find his way back. I'd never seen him like that.

Before I could stop myself, my hand was reaching for him-

"James?"

James and I both looked to the voice. It came from the stairs to the girl's dormitory. I let my hand drop.

"Ollie…"

Her name was Olivia Gabrielle Fawley.

She was a pureblood like Laney and Ivy both and politically connected through her great-grandfather Hector Fawley and grandfather Montgomery Fawley.

Olivia had everything. She was slender and graceful with long chestnut brown hair that fell to the small of her back, olive green eyes which had apparently inspired her name and a perfect tan on her clear skin. Even as she descended the stairs slowly with a sombre expression, she looked ethereal.

Olivia and James had been childhood acquaintances. Most purebloods tended to be close family-friends. But these two had something special. She was James's first girlfriend and the only one who stayed a friend past the relationship's demise.

Olivia hugged James cradling the back of his neck in her small manicured hand.

After a moment they separated, and I realised I was a sea away from where I'd stood before next to James.

"Did you tell them?" Olivia asked Laney and Ivy as her hand slipped gently into James's grasp.

Laney nodded mutely.

"What do we do now?" asked Edith of the silence.

Some sighed, some looked to each other for comfort, for understanding, for reassurance.

Finally, Ivy spoke in an impossibly coherent voice, "We pray… We sleep, we wake up and we deal with the next day. The rest of England will know by tomorrow, I reckon. They'll tell us what to do in the morning… We keep going. And keep Mrs Grubbly-Plank in our prayers."

After a while the group began to disperse slowly heading back to their dormitories. The four boys stayed in the common room by the fire. Sirius in his armchair, Peter and Remus on the sofa. James didn't move much, and Olivia didn't coax him.

I followed the rest of the girls up still speechless and unable to process the jumble of emotions I felt.

"Marlene…" Olivia called up the stairs.

Laney turned back, "Yes?"

"Your dad sent you a letter too, I've put it on your bed."

"Thanks, Livie."

What felt like hours later we'd changed and slipped into our beds.

For the third night in a row I waited pointlessly for sleep that didn't come to me.

I kept repeating Alice's words in my head.

 _Brace yourself, Lily…_

And I knew… somehow, I knew. This was just the beginning.

* * *

 _ **Do take two seconds** **to tell** **me what you think :) Thanks for reading, more to come xx ~Dark**_


	11. Chapter 11 : The Funeral Part 1

Chapter 11: The Funeral: Part 1

 _Sirius:_

For as long as I could remember James had talked about Dark Magic as if it was a poison spreading in the water. Something that had a supremely corruptible force that crumbled the will of a person. James absolutely loathed the dark arts, just like his parents and his grandfather.

So it was understandable that he was shocked into silence when we heard our very own Muggle Studies professor, a man who wouldn't swat a fly for fear of bad karma, ended up dead at the merciless hands of those who called themselves Death Eaters and indulged in the darkest of magic.

It was hard to imagine a person you'd known for five years suddenly dying. It jolted reality somehow even though we all understood death was a part of life.

We still hadn't heard anything from Professor McGonagall as we sat around the dormitory all lost in thought. James was slumped on his side on my bed, his knees drawn up and his toes just touching my shoulder as I lay across the foot end staring at the tester of my four-poster, my legs dangling aimlessly off the edge.

There wasn't much sound. It was eerie, for the dormitory that had housed five teenage boys was hardly ever quiet. Remus rested against two pillows propped up against the headboard and Peter sat leaning against one of the posts. Peter too was oddly silent. He talked a lot when he was worried, upset or anxious. It appeared he too was in shock. Wesley, the fifth Gryffindor sixth-year, was sat on his bed scribbling a letter to his parents. Wesley was a good lad though he wasn't as close knit with the rest of us. Having two older brothers had prevented him from socialising much with his classmates early on. He and Remus had taken Muggle Studies for the past three years and were the most affected.

Midnight came and went and the bedside lamps and candles lit through the night.

I didn't remember falling asleep. I couldn't recall when I'd drifted off, but I awoke with a start when something slapped me in the face.

It was James. He was still under, shifting in his dreams. His hand lay on my face, clammy with sweat. I couldn't yet say which direction was up or down, but I had enough sense to push myself away before I received a second blow. Turning to my side I could see Peter's frame snoring softly on Remus's bed. The faint blue light of early morning lit up Remus's face as he sat on the rug next to his bed carefully constructing a house of Exploding-Snap cards.

"Not the smartest idea you've had" I whispered groggily.

Remus looked up and smiled a humourless smile.

"Did you sleep at all?" I questioned with concern.

"Some." Remus brushed it off, picking up the cards carefully off the floor. Peter slept on soundly under Remus's duvet.

Trying not to wake James I sat up slowly on the bed and looked around. It was cold in the early hours of the day. James's owl Cecil was sat on his perch snoozing under his wing. There was a letter tied to his foot that had yet not been released.

"Did you write your mum?" I asked Remus quietly.

Remus nodded. "Wrote to Peter's too."

For a long moment we were silent. I sank to the rug between our beds sitting cross legged.

"He keeps wandering around," Remus said out of the blue handing me the Map.

I took it without question despite my confusion. The map was folded to show the entrance hall and the staircases up to the first floor. A small dot kept pacing around in circles up and down the staircase.

 _Regulus Black._

I gritted my teeth. _That wilful little pest! What was he up to?_

"You can't keep avoiding him." Remus said quietly.

"He won't write me back. I'm sure talking is out of the question."

"Sirius…" Remus spoke delicately as he did when he was truly concerned. "Reach out to him before he is well and truly lost. It can't be easy for him."

I sighed heavily, "I will."

We talked back and forth in hushed voices about what could happen that day until the sun began to creep through the windows painting everything in a faint gold.

By the time I'd showered and come to the room, everyone was awake. Remus was combing his hair. James was nursing a warm glass of water and Peter was trying his hardest not to yawn repeatedly. Wesley went to the bathroom after me. Once the water started running we all looked to each other.

"So… what's the plan? Peter asked.

James threw his feet over the edge of the bed and got up somewhat exasperatedly. "Let's just get to breakfast. Rest will fall into place."

No one argued him. The four of us quietly got ready. Wesley left once he'd dressed. Unsure of what to wear we each opted for casual clothes in some combination of white, grey or black.

The great hall was buzzing as we reached the ground floor. It was unusually full for an early Sunday. None of the teachers sat at their table. James followed my gaze and sighed at Dumbledore's empty ornate chair at the centre.

We took seats midway up the Gryffindor table. Olivia soon joined us inquiring how we were doing and if we'd heard anything new. Though she mostly spoke to James, who ate the toast Peter served him in silence.

A few seats away Lily Evans watched us with an expression close to worry on her face. She kept darting her eyes over to James over her cup of coffee until Quinn pointedly shoved an elbow in her side. Any other day, I would've teased James about it. But I couldn't bring myself to do it, even for a distraction.

Some people talked in hushed voices with sombre expressions, others seemed quiet and confused.

Remus pushed a few sausages onto my empty plate and I nibbled unenthusiastically. Struck by a thought my eyes searched the Slytherin table. I found Snape deep in conversation with Avery who nodded importantly every now and then. Beside him sat Mulciber. He'd finally arrived back at school. I could feel my fists clench.

 _Suspicious timing, indeed._

I couldn't find Regulus at the table. My eyes kept scanning the Slytherin table again and again until they met Mulciber's. He was smirking at me. The smugness on his face said every loathsome thought I had out loud. They knew. They knew everything.

I was gripping my fork so hard it began to rattle against the plate. Remus pulled it out of my grasp and followed my line of sight. Mulciber was concentrating on his bacon a satisfied smile on his face.

 _Prick_.

"I'm not hungry," I crossed my arms.

"Well, none of us are here for the food," Remus responded.

At long last the dishes cleared and the teachers began to file into the hall following a line to the head-table. Bringing up the rear were the four heads of houses and…

"Hey," I nudged James, "He's back. Dumbledore's back!"

James looked up but said nothing.

"So soon," Remus remarked as the teacher's quietly took their seats.

An uncomfortable silence settled in as Professor McGonagall headed to the podium off to the side.

"May I have everyone's attention please?" McGonagall began unnecessarily, "Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, will now make an important announcement." McGonagall cleared her throat and returned to the table.

Professor Dumbledore stood up surveying the packed hall over his half-moon glasses. When he spoke his voice was heavy.

"Students of Hogwarts, we have suffered a terrible and inconsolable loss. It is with deep sadness that I must announce that our beloved Muggle Studies teacher, Professor Frasier Ewan Grubbly-Plank has passed away."

The hall buzzed with shocked gasps and furious whispers.

Dumbledore spoke over the babble. "The good professor will be laid to rest today at sundown at his home estate. Anyone wishing to attend the funeral is encouraged to do so with the accompaniment of a teacher. Classes will be cancelled for tomorrow to allow students and teachers to mourn the loss of one our best teachers. Professor Grubbly-Plank, was kind, engaging and always an encouraging spirit. He strived greatly in his lifetime to educate magic folk about Muggles and the great lessons we could learn from them. His loss is tragic and he will be terribly missed by everyone whose lives he touched."

The whispers continued among the students, the buzzing growing steadily louder.

"Remember," said Dumbledore, the word reverberating through the hall casting it into silence once more. His blue eyes seemed to pierce through each and every one as he stared down surveying us all.

When he spoke again his voice was taught "Death comes only once to the valiant but haunts the cowardly and disloyal for a lifetime."

Without another word Dumbledore turned and left through a door to his left exiting the hall.

"He knows," said Remus his eyes narrowed.

"Of course he bloody knows!"

"Well why wouldn't he say?"

"Haven't the faintest!"

The buzzing resumed in the hall augmented infinitely by panic and confusion. I strained to listen as Professor McGonagall explained the different methods of transport available to go to the funeral. We decided instantly to leave with Hagrid who would no doubt find the stealthiest option. It was best not to let the Ministry know we could Apparate or about our (technically illegal) Secure Portkey business.

James and I got up almost together as the students began to leave the hall. I threw one last scathing look at Mulciber who seemed more entertained by the news than anything else.

Students seemed to walk aimlessly, whispering incessantly. A significant number didn't really know Professor Grubbly-Plank well enough to consider going to his funeral. Most, I overhead, resolved to go simply on principle because he was a Hogwarts teacher. Having been a Ravenclaw while at Hogwarts, said house seemed most affected by the news of his passing. Most of them had grown accustomed to his presence around the house and his energetic support at Quidditch matches.

I remembered suddenly why I'd searched the hall earlier before finding Mulciber.

"I'll catch up with you later," I told James in an undertone. James looked curiously at me but didn't interrogate.

"Shall I come with?" Peter asked.

I clapped a hand onto his shoulder reassuringly. "Nah, I'll be up in a bit. Don't worry."

Peter shrugged.

It was hard to fight against the current of students heading back to their dorms. I manoeuvred with some difficulty towards the Slytherin dormitory. There was a funny feeling I always had whenever I went near the Slytherin Common Room, an old, almost nostalgic, sense of belonging and a powerful surge of resistance that followed. I balled up my fists shoving them into my pockets.

Just as I was about to head down the staircase I heard Laurent Mulciber's laugh from above. Looking up I saw him and his crew of miscreants walking along the first floor corridor. A familiar face followed him.

Gritting my teeth I gripped my wand at my side. I wished James had followed along.

 _This would be fun if James came along. It would be detention but it would be fun._

It took a frustratingly long time to travel through the crowds to the first floor and then follow Mulciber onto the second floor. But I finally did and when I rounded the corner the sight made me instantly slip back into the shadows of a pillar.

Mulciber was kissing a girl. His face was buried in her neck as she leaned against the stone pillar behind her. The rest of Muciber's posse hung around him looking bored or uncomfortable.

I shook my head and collected myself. Something wasn't right.

Mulciber pulled away from the girl's already reddened bruised neck.

"S-Stop… don't… do this," she whimpered.

Mulciber smiled wide. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and bit down on it. I felt my stomach churn.

"Are you sure?" he asked tilting his head, "I thought you wanted this…"

His voice was equal parts practiced seduction and unrestrained evil. "I thought you wanted… me?"

He held her gaze.

The curly-haired blonde blinked hard as if forcing herself to focus.

"I… don't want-"

"Us?" he asked peeking at her, "Are you upset, my love? I wouldn't want that…"

I clenched my teeth gripping the handle of my wand.

 _How did he get to her so fast? We'd barely just left the hall!_

 _How did no one else notice them sneaking off to this corner?_

If there was one foul creature worse than Snape, it was Mulciber.

Laurent Mulciber was an only child, born with a silver spoon up his arse. His parents were aging morons with so much money they were running out of ideas on how to spend it. They paid little attention to the whelp growing up (probably only conceived to further the bloodline) and gave him anything he wanted to shut him up. All of that amounted to a wretched child with a cruel sense of humour. He indulged in the misery of others and enjoyed creating chaos. There was something deeply twisted in his thoughts that made him unpredictable and dangerous.

In recent years he'd grown into his looks and height and even managed to make his odd-eyes contribute to his attractiveness. Everything else about him, however, stayed as rotten as it had always been.

No one could catch them in the act but it was no secret that Mulciber and his posse dabbled in the dark arts. No doubt getting their feet wet before joining their despicable parents as Death Eaters.

I felt my grasp tighten on my wand as I stepped out of the shadows.

"Let. Her. Go."

It was like watching a flock of birds engage in territorial behaviour. Evan Rosier drew his wand first, somewhat jolted. Bertram Avery, Nott and Crawley followed suit immediately closing ranks. The furthermost one I could not see. Through it all Mulciber remained placidly calm, his eyes never breaking his trance on the girl and his smile never faltering.

"Ah! _There_ he is," he said not looking up, "I told you he'd catch up. And you had doubts, Bert!"

Avery simply smirked, his slick hair falling over his murky eyes as he stared menacingly at me.

I drew my wand, feeling its energy prickling in my grasp.

"Mary," I spoke loudly, it seemed to break her trance with Mulciber. Mary turned to look at me, her blue eyes wide and fearful, tears brimming over them. I felt horrible watching her.

 _Was it the Imperius? Were these bastards bold enough to try an Unforgivable right under Dumbledore's nose?_

Mulciber, I couldn't predict. He wasn't just a bully, he was vile and psychotic.

"Come here," I reached out with my other hand for Mary across the hallway.

Mary tried to pull away from the pillar she was leaning against. Her tears streaming over rosy cheeks she looked forlornly to me as she could not muster the strength to walk the fifteen feet between us.

"Mary, come on!" I encouraged. But she had already given up. She looked dazed as she cried quietly letting her tears stream down her cheeks.

"You know, there was a part of me that thought you were all talk." Mulciber finally trained his eyes on me, "But then you up and _left_ your family. No longer part of the Noble House of Black, I hear. So, what are you now? Is it Sirius- _Blank_?"

Several of the Slytherin bastards snickered.

"A typical Gryffindor," Mulciber sneered, curling his long fingers around Mary's wrist as she made to move forward, "You'd eat your own arm if you thought it made you look brave, wouldn't you? In the end it's just ridiculous and unbearably stupid."

"I said, 'Let her go'"

"Oh I heard you, I just don't care," his eyes glinted, one steely blue the other a mix of brown and orange.

I weighed my options quickly. Mulciber was ruthless in combat. He'd been one of the reasons McGonagall disbanded the Duelling Club. Evan Rosier and Crawley were both skilled in defence spells and probably had a slew of well-rehearsed hexes up their sleeves and there were three more members I couldn't even see.

To put it mildly, I was outnumbered. I was about to pick a fight I could hardly walk away from, let alone win.

"My God, you think too loud!" Mulciber cried exasperatedly, "I understand, it's intimidating. There's six of us and one of you. Too much to handle for the Gryffindor?"

I had to literally bite down on my tongue to not retort back.

"I'm bored." he yawned for effect. "Let's just finish this off. What do you say, Black?"

"I say, I don't take orders from you-"

"Oh…" Mulciber chuckled deviously and smiled at me, "I wasn't talking to _you._ "

Avery smirked at me. The flock parted to make way for one of them to step forward. And for the first time I genuinely faltered.

Regulus moved to the front.

It carried me back to a rainy night last summer, he'd come running into my room after I'd been rowing with both my parents. The proverbial final straw having broken me, I was stuffing my trunk with everything I could carry. I'd had enough of it, my parents and their blind loyalty to blood purity, to men who slaughtered innocents in the name of 'cleansing our kind', the incessant grooming to join the Black Legacy, the underhanded funds to keep the world's worst rebel group in power.

I was done with all of it. Except Regulus.

He'd asked me to stay. God only knew what strength it took for him to beg me to stay after we'd grown apart for so many years. His spite against me growing stronger with time.

Regulus was the only reason I'd endured it all. He seemed like a fragile little bird growing up. The Healers at Mungo's didn't think he'd be ready for Hogwarts. But Regulus believed and trusted only me. So when he looked to me I told him that there was nothing in the world that could stop the Blacks brothers going to Hogwarts. He believed it and worked hard to be strong enough. He was so young, I couldn't believe the determination he had to get better.

A blood curse was not easy to manage, let alone cure. But thanks to the vast wealth my parents had we could afford the best healers, the newest potions and the best care Regulus needed. In my parents' eyes though he was a broken toy soldier. They saw no profit in him for the future, because that's what mattered most to them. So they groomed me for everything. When I was old enough to understand, I stopped fighting them and took it upon myself to do what they wanted, be what they needed. All because I wanted to protect Regulus.

When it was my time to go to Hogwarts, I was torn. I had shielded my little brother from the poisonous dreams of my parents for as long as I could. I shouldered every want and need they had of the both of us to spare Regulus. He did not have the strength or willpower to stand up to our parents. I did, but I was leaving.

I knew then that they would start placing the unbearable weight of their words and their hands on his small shoulders when I was no longer there to protect him.

Everything was planned. I would get on the train. I would sit quietly and not make eye contact. I would go to school and report to Mr Mortimer, a friend of the family and a member of the school board. I would become a Slytherin as we Blacks always were, and rise through my house with my brethren to be a prefect, a Quidditch captain, Headboy. I would protect Regulus when he arrived at Hogwarts. I would work at Black and Co of London, marry a girl they approved of. Whatever they wanted of me I would do it.

The Black name would go on.

Or so it would have been if James Alexander Potter and his big mouth had not sat next to me on that train. When I came back from Hogwarts, a Gryffindor and a rebel… I was too late. They'd taken Regulus and warped every good thought and hopeful feeling he had. They'd turned him against me.

He was no longer that frail child I'd wanted to protect. He was a boy that spoke of honour and loyalty without knowing its true meaning. He believed in a cause he didn't know the price of. And he was ready to push every limit of his body to prove himself to my parents.

In the coming years we drifted further and further apart. He was eager to prove he could erase the disgrace I'd left upon the House of Black.

It got harder and harder to stay home during the holidays. I spent Christmases at Hogwarts and most of my summers at the Potters where I'd always felt welcome. I did however need to come home to keep up appearances, because the money I needed for books and new robes were all tied into me presenting myself as the eldest son of House Black whilst I remained at Grimmauld Place.

I hated it. I was sick of it. So finally, I left.

I had no regrets save one. Regulus.

We stood there for a moment staring at each other.

He looked at me as if he was beyond sadness and anger, as if all he wanted to do in his life was to end me. I felt a strange mixture of guilt and shame.

"Sometime today!" Mulciber complained loudly.

"Reg, you're better than this. Let her go." I spoke quietly and calmly like I always did with him. Through all his panic-stricken nightmares, his frustrating days with crutches and his breathing problems I'd somehow gotten him to calm himself and relax.

But again I was reminded, that boy was long gone. Reg's steely resolve never wavered, his eyes didn't soften.

"You see, Black, he's not your little brother anymore. He hasn't been for a long time. He's a man now… Besides, you left him to fend for himself, didn't you?"

I gritted my teeth keeping my eyes on Regulus.

Mulciber began to ramble and I stopped listening, instead using the minutes to figure out an escape.

"…And that is why Gryffindors always die alone. Isn't that a shame?"

I braced myself. _No matter what I wouldn't hurt him. I couldn't_.

There was aloud crunch behind me as if someone ill-mannered had bit into a crisp apple. The sound was followed by lazy footsteps.

"Unfortunately for you, he's not alone," James appeared at my shoulder apple in one hand wand held in the other. "Shame, indeed"

" _Urgh_ ," Mulciber shook his hair out of his eyes irritably and straightened up. "How dull," he sighed though he seemed to like his odds much less.

"Terrible affliction yes, it's like we're incapable of travelling alone anymore," I smiled as I heard Remus's voice behind me.

"It's damning for a relationship, really! No girl wants to date all four of us at the same time," Peter said making me almost snicker.

Evan Rosier looked to Mulciber unsurely. Regulus dropped his wand an inch.

Mulciber clenched his jaws. Pushing his way forward he held Reg's shoulder and shoved him back roughly. I took an involuntary step forward as James threw his apple aside and grabbed the back of my cardigan.

"Gentlemen," Remus spoke again, "As a prefect it is my duty to inform you that you are requested to report to your dormitories and duelling in the hallways is forbidden. It is also my duty to intervene if such duelling was to take place,"

"Shut up, Mongrel." Nott snapped loudly.

Peter stepped forward wand raised but James blocked him. "Don't let him rile you!"

"Yes," agreed Remus, "And ten points for your potty mouth, Nott."

"Enough!" Mulciber stepped forward, he raised his wand about to fire a curse.

"Peter!" James moved aside and I did the same. Peter filled the gap between us a shield charm already in place. I augmented the spell increasing its strength and pushed it forward.

Mulciber's red curse bounded off the edge of the shield and hit a torch bracket, bursting in a shower of sparks and flames.

James responded first, his signature Disarming spell hitting one of the cronies at the back, making his own stunning spell hit himself and his neighbour knocking them both out.

"See that?" James smirked at me over Peter's shoulder.

"Nice one," I laughed dodging Rosier's flaming curse as it streaked by my face and fired back with several short curses. He dodged most of them but finally got hit by a Knee Reversal hex and collapsed in a heap on to the floor. I stunned him to sleep.

"Beat that," I smirked back at James. He grinned throwing a Tongue-Tying curse at Mulciber. He moved quickly to avoid it and the curse hit the marble pillar inches above Mary's head.

"Careful!" Remus warned as he deflected several spells and fortified Peter's shield charm.

Struck by an idea Mulciber seized Mary by the neck and pushed her forward, holding her visibly shaking body as a shield.

"Alright you miserable vermin, drop your wands or her's will be the second funeral you attend this week!"

"Do that and you'll follow her right to the grave," Remus stepped forward wand in place though both James and I had immediately dropped our wands.

Suddenly the air became thick and heavy and I couldn't breathe anymore, I looked around as the air started to choke me. My chest was tight as if it was being crushed in an iron vice, my lungs felt like they were collapsing. I fell to my knees and then I saw Regulus, his wand trained on me, his eyes in complete focus.

"Sirius?!" Remus questioned in panic.

"Padfoot!" James exclaimed dropping to his knees beside me as I struggled to breathe.

"Reg… don't" I could barely get the words out. My head felt like it was going to split open.

James didn't even hesitate, his stood and drew his wand in a seamless single motion. The disarming spell was so powerful it knocked Regulus back several feet and threw him against the wall. Regulus landed in a heap on the floor.

Air flooded back into my lungs and I breathed hard, gasping and spluttering trying to breathe normally again. Just as my erratic breathing began to settle and I tried to push myself up, I was knocked back down and my wand flew out of my hand landing with a clatter at the centre of the hallway between us. Everyone else's wands left the grasp of their owners soon joining mine in a pile.

"I trust there is an _exceptionally_ sound reason to all this pandemonium?"

I winced even as I turned over on the floor to look at McGonagall stood behind us. Even upside down she looked threatening drawn to her full height, veins throbbing at her temples and eyes sparking in anger. Flitwick, stood beside her equally angry but less impressively so.

I was still seeing spots and struggling to breathe properly but I knew we were all doomed.

For half an hour we sat at McGonagall's office while she attended to Mary at the hospital wing and handed over the Slytherins to Slughorn. My nose had started to bleed and my head was still throbbing. Remus conjured some ice for my head while Peter handed me his handkerchief to stop the bleeding.

"We're fucked" James voiced our thoughts out loud.

"Well, technically-" Remus began.

"No, he's right. We're fucked." reiterated Peter

"What was I supposed to do? Leave her there? With those murderous -" In the second I'd taken to speak my nose bled over my mouth again and I hurriedly wiped it away.

"Relax Padfoot," James turned to me, "No one's blaming you."

"Merlin knows what woulda' happened if you hadn't found her," Peter said his eyes wondering horrified into the blue sky outside the glass-paned window. "Poor Mary"

"Think they'll be expelled?" I asked the group wiping away more blood from my nose.

Remus shrugged disheartened, "Who knows, they've gotten away with worse…"

I could taste a bitterness in my mouth that had nothing to do with the blood.

James got up suddenly and walked over to me.

"Hold still," he said pointing his wand between my eyes.

"No no no no! I'll be fine! I hate your healing spells! No, gerroff!"

"Hold him down," James commanded and Peter instantly got up pushing my shoulders down even as I struggled, Remus helped somewhat reluctantly.

" _Episkey_ " James said.

I could only explain the feeling to a muggle by asking them to imagine every nose hair being plucked out simultaneously. _Urgh_.

My eyes began to water as I stuffed the handkerchief to my nose.

"You're welcome" said James.

"Fuck you!"

" _You're welcome_ "

I huffed annoyed but gave in, " _Thanks_ "

As we waited Peter spotted something, "Hey look, it's the carriages! Is it safe to travel all that way with Thestrals?"

The four of us pressed against the window behind McGonagall's desk peeking down at the seemingly endless stream of black carriages.

"Better than taking a broom I reckon," said Remus. James gave him an offended look.

Suddenly the office door opened and the four of us spun around to see a glowering McGonagall enter the office.

None of us dared to move an inch under her gaze as she dropped several scrolls of parchment into a box by the door.

"How's Mary?" I couldn't contain myself.

McGonagall gave me a severe look and pursed her lips. She took off her hat slowly and placed it on the cloak rack by the door.

"She'll survive," she said surveying each of us, "Your collective fates are less certain."

Peter swallowed audibly next to me.

"Take your seats."

She didn't need to tell twice. The four of us scrambled back to the chairs facing the study.

McGonagall sat behind her desk and pulled off her glasses wearily. When she spoke her voice held no anger, just exhaustion.

"One would hope that something as morbid as the death of a teacher at this very institution would curb your enthusiasm for misconduct and debauchery," she dropped her glasses carelessly onto a stack of parchment on her desk and closed her eyes pressing her forehead into the entwined fingers of her clasped hands.

It was unsettling to see Professor McGonagall this way. James even peeked at me worriedly. I shrugged back.

"But of course, there would be no such luck," she then fell quiet.

"It was my fault," I said as the silence stretched on.

"I would imagine so," McGonagall looked up placing her hands on the parchment letters in front of her. Her intense gaze fell on me pinning me to my seat.

I badly needed to swallow as my throat felt parched but dared not to.

"The only reason you haven't been suspended, Mr Black, is because Miss McDonald was able to recall you trying to coax the others to release her."

"What'll happen to the others?" James asked which earned him a kick under the chair by Remus.

McGonagall looked at James as if he'd defied her somehow. "Professor Slughorn will decide the appropriate punishment for them."

"They'll get away with it!" Peter said angrily but regretted it as McGonagall's severe gaze turned on him.

"Sorry," he said looking down.

"I'm not in charge of Slytherin house-"

"Professor, you're Deputy Headmistress! Surely you-"

" _I_ "Professor McGonagall spoke louder over James who fell silent, "Couldn't very well instruct order to Slytherin students when I haven't managed to keep my own house in line!"

I didn't want to see the disappointment in her face as she turned to each of us so I looked down.

There was blood and dirt on the front of my shirt and grey cardigan.

She fell silent again. The fire at the other end of her office crackled slowly. A few birds in cages from her last class chirped now and then.

"I'm sorry Professor," I said as I began to feel her disappointment, "I saw Mary, and I just thought about getting her to safety."

"Professor Grubbly-Plank is dead." McGonagall said ignoring my apology. "We have no leads as to who was involved in his death or what message these perverse individuals were trying to send. I assume you would have read The Prophet and found the official statement by the Ministry..."

We remained silent as she surveyed us.

"What you did was careless, reckless and as always short-sighted!" she turned her sharp eyes on me, "Your own brother is in the hospital wing alongside Miss McDonald, and though he has suffered no serious injuries I cannot say that it wasn't a possibility."

I swallowed again remembering Regulus hit the wall and crumble to the floor as James disarmed him.

Remus shifted in his seat as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it.

After a short pause, McGonagall continued. "Professor Grubbly-Plank was a pureblood wizard well respected in our society. He posed no threat to anyone. His work was mainly to encourage relations between magic folk and muggles. It's not entirely inconceivable why he was targeted by Death Eaters. But it does suggest a grievous danger for students at this school whose blood status these misguided individuals believe to be less than ideal.

It is no secret that Death Eaters are recruiting members for their ludicrous cause. We have lost contact with some of the brightest minds to come through Hogwarts. However while Professor Dumbledore looks into the matter it is prudent we keep the peace within our doors.

Rash actions always lead to dire consequences. _Always_."

Remus spoke finally in his usual firm yet respectful voice, and as if he represented all four of us. "Professor, we don't want to give excuses for our behaviour. We just wanted to help Mary who seemed to be under some sort of spell. I admit we should've sought help from a teacher, but it didn't seem like we had time. They attacked us first and we defended each other."

"Miss McDonald's memories confirmed as much." said McGonagall placing her glasses back on her nose. "Which is why we're still talking," she added casually making us look to each other.

She sighed and directed her wand at the tartan tin on her desk we were all too familiar with. The lid sprang open and James helped himself to a ginger newt handing us each one more. "What we discussed just now should not leave this room, I hope that's clear?"

We each nodded in agreement.

"We have a duty to our school. There are many dangers outside these walls and once you leave this place we cannot protect you anymore. As teachers it is therefore our greatest endeavour to impart to you all the knowledge and skill to choose what is right and to protect yourself and others before you depart. Whatever dangers may lurk outside these walls we must do our utmost to safeguard our school and the students within. It does not do to create conflict within Hogwarts while much larger foes are at work outside these walls."

All of us kept our heads down. It was worse when McGonagall was calm and her voice weary with exhaustion and worry. It was harder to bear than her anger.

"What if it isn't just outside though?" James said after a long silent moment.

"Mr Potter?"

All eyes turned to James whose eyes behind his glasses were unfocused as if he was thinking back.

"I meant, what if it's not just out there. What if, Hogwarts isn't as impregnable as we think?"

Peter looked past James uneasily at me. Remus chewed on his lip thoughtfully.

"Speak plainly, Potter. You know how I despise allusions." McGonagall said.

But I already knew what James was saying. He'd said it many times while we'd discussed this bile-retch inducing topic.

 _If he's as smart as they say, he'd have his spies at Hogwarts already. I can think of a few idiots willing to prove themselves to him._

 _Snivellus?_

 _Among others._

"What if…" I said "there are students at Hogwarts already recruited by him? You know, the Dark Lord, whatever his name is?"

McGonagall clenched her jaws slightly. But if she was rattled by the thought she didn't show it.

"There's been nothing to suggest he's targeting school students, do not worry yourselves."

"What if they aren't targets," James said looking McGonagall in the eye this time, "What if they volunteered?"

Peter shifted uneasily. Remus looked pensively at James. But for me it clicked in an instant.

 _She was just helping me get rid of a hex._

 _What hex, Prongs?_

 _Just let it go, Padfoot._

 _We've got bigger problems..._

"I can tell you that we are extremely vigilant about the communications into and out of Hogwarts. It's extremely unlikely that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named keeps children as spies inside Hogwarts."

"What if that's not enough to keep them from practicing dark magic?" James suggested.

McGonagall exhaled loudly and I could tell she was having enough with all the 'What if's.

"Especially a student who wouldn't be questioned," James continued, "Who wouldn't be a suspect. A stellar academic. Someone who enjoyed research, loved to read. Someone the teachers trusted."

 _She was just helping me get rid of a hex._

I wondered what on earth James was about to say. Remus glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, a confused look in them.

"I gather you have a specific student in mind," McGonagall replied briskly.

"I do-"

"Let me remind you, falsely accusing a fellow student of such acts is also grounds for detention."

 _Prongs, what the fuck are you doing?_

"What if I had proof?"

"A coerced witness isn't proof, Mr Potter."

"Professor, just because Hogwarts has not been breached before doesn't mean we should be complacent. I hope you agree..."

McGonagall said nothing. She directed her wand at the parchment which started to compile itself into a neat stack.

"Are all of you planning to attend the funeral services?" she said after a long pause.

We each nodded in agreement.

"Then I suggest you all clean yourselves up and report to the entrance hall." McGonagall turned to me, "Why don't you have Madam Pomfrey give you a once over, Mr Black?"

"It's fine professor, James fixed it for me."

McGonagall's lips twitched to a smile so fleetingly I thought I imagined it.

"Off you go then,"

With unsure glances at each other we all got up from our chairs and made for the doorway.

"A moment, Potter."

James lingered at the door and I waited outside. As we'd done so many times through the years James spoke only with his eyes. It was hard to explain how well we could read each other.

His eyes were catching the firelight when he looked directly at me.

 _Trust me._

I gave a small imperceptible nod and he then turned closed the door behind him.

Lily

It way mayhem trying to make our way down to the lake.

Edith and Mary weren't eager about flying Thestral led carriages so we opted for something we'd grown accustomed to over the years.

The Knight Bus.

Hagrid was ready at the edge of the lake with a dozen small boats. We came through the Reception Chamber onto the boarding dock. The wind was icy and I was glad we'd brought our heaviest cloaks with us.

Mary had however caught a terrible bug that morning after breakfast and opted to stay at the Hospital Wing or so we were told by Professor McGonagall. We'd all wanted to see her before leaving but she'd insisted Mary was recovering and needed sleep (And we were running late for the Knight Bus.)

"C'mon now… No more'n three to a boat! Yer'll topple it, mind!" Hagrid was directing the students. Edith, Quinn and I took a boat to ourselves. Cait opted to take the carriages with the rest of the school choir.

A short nostalgic boat-ride later we were coming up on the path toward Hogsmead station. The group was led by Professor Sprout, Professor Sinistra and a few prefects.

For a long time there was no sound but dozens of feet crunching down on the pebbly path.

We'd only used the Knight Bus travelling to and from each other's houses so we followed the herd unsurely as they led the way to the bus station. The familiar bright violet triple decker bus was already waiting for us there.

Edith and Quinn looked to each other then to me.

"Sit with me!" they blurted out together.

"Oh come now both of you!" I chastised impatiently and headed for the ticket counter.

Once we got out tickets and proceeded towards the bus we came upon the small candlelight vigil set up for Professor Grubbly-Plank. Another solemn reminder of the not-so-happy voyage. We all paused to add a few candles until we were impatiently ushered onto the bus by Wickham the middle-aged bus conductor.

Quinn pulled off her cloak and folded it neatly over her arm. Edith followed her into the bus pulling her coat off and stuffing it into her rucksack. I wore a long black cloak over a black lace dress. They were the only decent clothes could find that would befit a funeral.

We piled into the bus one by one heading up to the second floor. Luckily we found a row of three seats at the back and settled in for the ride without ensuing a tug-of-war.

The bus waited for the second group to arrive, Wickham tut-tutting and checking his watch every five minutes. The occupants of the bus were mostly silent. I looked around at the familiar faces, and they all had the same expression. A dispirited disbelief.

Finally the second group arrived. Hagrid's booming voice could be heard leading them through the station.

"Come along now, hurry up!" he called. "Don't wan' ter keep the bus waitin,' do we?"

"Will you hurry along?" Wickham coaxed the students as they made their way through the ticket counter and the vigil. "Day's not gettin' any younger!"

"I've half a mind to hex him," Quinn muttered mutinously next to me.

"I wouldn't stop you," I whispered back.

The bus doors opened, and we heard footsteps on the stairs and then appeared-

Severus Snape.

He looked about for a split second before locking eyes on me. I immediately looked down checking the clasps of my bag.

Quinn glanced out the window while Edith unrolled her fresh Prophet and read on. I was very aware that there were a few empty seats behind us.

I simply didn't want him to sit next to me. I wasn't sure how I felt about everything. And the last thing I needed was Severus Snape boring his eyes into the back of my head.

The group began to filter into the empty spaces on the Knight Bus. Some chose to head upstairs. When I looked up I could see no sign of Severus but instead saw Ivy and Laney coming along the corridor waving at us.

"What are you doing here?" Quinn asked when they were close enough, "I thought you both were getting ministry escorts to the funeral"

"We ditched them," Ivy shrugged her small shoulders. She wore a grey pinafore dress that hugged her small frame. Her voluminous crimped hair was pulled into a big bun.

Edith rolled her blue eyes, "Thanks for switching with us!"

"Aw but this is so much better!" Ivy encouraged rubbing Edith shoulders as she slid into the seats behind us. "Don't you remember all the fun we've had on this thing?"

"Funeral, up north, mourning a teacher passing, freezing cold winds, any of this ring a bell?" Quinn asked sarcastically pushing her dark hair out of her eyes.

"I know" said Ivy sobering up and pulling off her gloves.

Laney was still quite upset and silently slid into her seat.

The five of us were joined by Bina, her brown cheeks visibly frostbitten but her smile still warm as ever. She pushed her long braid of black hair off her shoulder and took a seat beside Laney.

Soon, the bus doors closed and we were ready to depart.

"Quinn! Do the Supergravity charm!" said Edith.

Quinn rolled her eyes.

In truth it wasn't a gravity enhancing spell. It was merely a high-strength Adherence Charm Quinn had found in an old spell book in the library. Over the years it had some in handy while we travelled on the Knight Bus because it acted- well, much like an ordinary seat-belt, thus christened the Supergravity Charm.

Quinn was best at it. She took turns securing us and our belongings to our seats and our seats to the floor.

Knight Bus got top marks in punctuality and accommodation however it's concern for the safety of its passengers left much to be desired.

It took nearly three hours on the lightning fast, mind-bending travel bus to reach the quaint seaside town of Portnahaven. The Scottish wind was unforgiving and icy but the day remained clear and bright as we all gathered in groups at the town centre. Teachers took a count of the students and collected everyone's luggage. Hagrid was by the dock his hands full of thick ropes as he single handedly pulled four large boats to the dock.

Edith leaned into me shivering, "I can hardly feel my toes!" It was terribly cold indeed.

Quinn looked disgruntled, "Did Hagrid row his boat here faster than that damn bus?"

I shook my head. "Doubtful. Any faster and we'd have lost our heads!"

The small town was picturesque to say the least. Its beautiful landscape overlooked the sea it was embraced by. The waters were dotted with hundreds of gulls and the rest of the flock made rhythmic music on the rocky cliffs by the shore. It was beautiful and I imagined Professor Grubbly-Plank had had a lot of fun growing up in this town.

We headed to the island a little further off to sea where a large lighthouse stood as if guarding the small seaside village. There were several dozen chairs set up next to the platform where a closed chestnut casket lay covered in flowers of every colour imaginable. Whoever had set up the funeral services had obviously underestimated the amount of people Professor Grubbly-Plank had touched.

There were over a hundred mourners in black and white gathered past the already occupied chairs. Some faces I recognised, but most were new to me. Laney and Ivy pointed out several ministry officials including their parents who were in attendance and split off to meet them.

Quinn, Edith and I made our way to the gathering crowd. There were people passing through the crowds handing small glasses of Pepper-Up potion which did help with the cold. There were foreign dignitaries in their traditional colourful garb. One gentlemen who looked like he was from an African continent in deep red robes handed a colourful bird to someone at the front, a sobbing old lady with white hair pulled under a black hat. She dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief under her black veil and nodded to accept the gift.

"It's a Firebird," said Edith in wonder, "they're really rare…"

"Like a Phoenix?" I asked.

"Mmm… same family, but not quite the same properties. The name was coined in Russia where the bird was first found and bred. It's magical and yet, dangerous. Their feathers can create fire and light. It will pluck out feathers for its true master. Its song is also healing."

Quinn and I trained our eyes back to the front where Professor Dumbledore was consoling the poor old woman.  
"Is that his wife, then?" Quinn asked of no one in particular.

"'Suppose," I said.

The gathered crowd slowly grew as more people arrived. We each took turns to place flowers and candles by the casket.

Seeing his smiling portrait from his office standing there among the wreaths was heart breaking. His bright smile never faltered and his eyes stayed forever crinkled in happiness as he waved at everyone.

We retreated to the back and waited while the funeral proceedings commenced. The sky began to churn with gathering dark clouds.

Quinn nudged me gently, "Look, over there…"

I followed her gaze. The grassy moors stretched on around us disappearing into the mist. And through the fog they appeared, one by one.

James, Remus, Sirius and Peter.

"They know how to make an entrance, I'll give them that" said Edith shaking her head.

A fifth person followed them close behind and joined pressing between James and Remus.

Olivia Fawley.

She was dressed in a full length black dress that peeked through her coat. She took James' arm and walked in stride with him. The other three followed a step behind as they joined the gathering and blended into the crowd.

"Are they together now?" Quinn asked nudging her chin in their direction.

I gave her a quizzical look, "Why would I know?"

Quinn said nothing but raised an eyebrow at me. Further thoughts of Potter and his crew were driven from my mind as Alice appeared saint like at my shoulder.

"Hello girls!"

It was all I could do to not gleefully hug her. She was all rosy cheeks and big bright eyes, the same Alice I'd always known. I hugged her none-the-less trying not to smile too brightly.

"I've missed you so much!" I whispered in her ear.

"Me too, dearie!"

"You cut your hair!"

"Mmm, do you hate it?"

"No, it's lovely."

Alice greeted Edith and Quinn as well and settled beside us. She told us about her life at the Ministry, her job at the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad, how she'd heard about Professor Grubbly-Plank and the midnight shift that night where the ministry had been in an uproar. She filled us in on plans to have Ministry guards sent to Hogwarts, details she'd picked up within the ministry she wasn't strictly supposed to share.

She and Frank were doing well. I was glad. But Frank was eager to complete his training quickly to join the Aurors on the field. Apparently they'd needed more trainees to join.

Alice said there were plans to recruit students from Hogwarts specifically for Auror training.

It all seemed like a world we didn't know and yet it was happening right outside the walls of Hogwarts.

There was a series of sudden loud cracks a little further from the gathered crowd. A dozen men had apparated in.

A tall broad man with shaggy red hair and thick beard streaked liberally with grey led the group. He wore a patterned grey cloak over his clothes and a mistrustful look. Several burly men followed him each clad in black uniform, boots and gloves with a purple velvet cape fastened over their left shoulder. The emblem of the Ministry of Magic and Auror Office were secured to their capes.

"Who's that?" Quinn asked Alice as the red-headed man passed through the crowd to the front. Nobody made objections but parted to make way for him. He was clearly well-known by the public.

"That's Alastor Moody, Head of the Auror Office"

" _That's_ Alastor Moody?" Edith repeated in disbelief. "Mad-Dog Moody?"

"Shhh!" Alice censored quietly. "Yes."

"He's got the best training scores ever seen in Auror Training history!" Edith said reverently.

Quinn smiled, "Look at you. Want an autograph?"

"He's brilliant!"

"That he is," agreed Alice, "And ruthless, persistent and relentless. That's what earned him the nickname. He wouldn't put aside any clues no matter how small or insignificant."

"Sounds like he's dedicated" I said watching him embracing Dumbledore.

"The ministry thinks he's just wasting funds going after nothing. Thinks he's paranoid. But he's put away every man who's got on his radar."

I remained quiet.

After a while the school choir began to sing a soft hymn. There were many traditions that seemed on par with muggle funeral customs; people wore mourning colours and carried flowers and candles as a mark of respect. But there was also much about funerals of magic folk that were completely new to me.

Apparently, it wasn't uncommon to give the widow of the deceased a gift by close personal friends of the couple, this was apparently symbolic that the window will be cared for by them for the rest of her days. Some gifts were small such as teapots or flowering plants or it could be as grand as… well, a firebird.

It was also common practice in Britain to bury the dead with a seed or sapling of the tree that bore their wand. This would ensure the remains of the dead nourished a new wand tree and lived on in memory.

Sometimes wands were buried with the bearer when they died, sometimes it was passed down to the next of kin, much like an heirloom.

One thing was strikingly similar in both muggle and magic funerals. It was heartbreakingly saddening. No one cared about how he'd died or what would happen to his belongings, who was responsible, how would vengeance be had or justice served. People who loved him simply missed him and wanted to thank his memory for all he had given them.

Finally, the choir softened and stopped and as if on cue several men apparated on to the moor. Each had a carved wooden staff and was clad in traditional Scottish attire, kilts and all. Alice told us they were from the MacFusty clan. They raised and took care of the Hebridean dragons of the islands.

We all pulled out our wands and raised them high. The light of a hundred wands wavering as if a swarm of fireflies were hovering in the wind. Bagpipes sounded in a sombre tune I couldn't recognise as the casket was shouldered and led to the sea shore were a beautifully carved boat was waiting decorated with lilac, sage and rosemary. The casket was laid upon a bed of lilac woven with thistle and bluebells.

The MacFusty clansmen guided the boat with magic across the water. It glided serenely over the still calm sea to the middle of the ocean between the isle and the seaside village. They then raised their staffs and twirled them about and it made an oddly peaceful sound like sand cascading through glass or rain falling in soft sheets.

Suddenly, there was a strong gust of wind and above us rose two gigantic creatures. I felt Alice grip my shoulder. They were _dragons_ , Hebridean Blacks, with wings as large as sails spread bat-like across the evening sky. These magnificent creatures followed the command of the MacFusty men, gliding effortlessly to the middle of the ocean.

I watched in wonder and disbelief as these creatures hovered to a stop in mid-air beating their powerful wings stay airborne. The small ornate boat turned in circles against the change in the wind. The music made by the McFustry clansmen changed and became slower and softer. Each dragon reared back slowly and breathed a jet of fiery orange flames at the boat.

Everything caught on fire. The linen lining, the house flag, the flowers, the thistle, the candles and the casket and the beautiful boat in which it lay. Everyone watched as the flames rose higher and higher and the dragons sailed away into the night.

I realised then that I couldn't see anything anymore, my eyes had welled up. I couldn't hold back any longer and the tears began to brim over and fall.


End file.
